Single Fatherhood

[UncleDave]

Being Catholic, I have read the thread within OBOB titled, "Fear your husband." Interesting insight on the role of the husband as head of household and his call to servitude.

But what happens in our case when my wife is no longer with us? My wife passed away a few months ago and our family has been reduced to myself and our son. I admit I was not the perfect model of a husband and, tragically, I know more now regarding how to love a wife than I did when she was with us. But my concern now is for my son; he no longer has both Mom and Dad to look toward as a model of a loving Christian couple.

A husband and wife can demonstrate through the family hierarchy how to love, respect, and serve each other, and that is a powerful lesson that children pick up on. They learn how to behave by watching us. But what happens when the only role model in the home is the father? How do we teach our sons how to treat a wife? How do we teach them how a Father is to serve his family, while at the same time being deserving of respect?

As you can see, I truly want to live as a Christian father and teach my son well, but am struggling to do so alone. I miss my wife terribly for many reasons; this is not how a family is supposed to be. I realize how important both mother and father are in the lives of children and how, at only 5 years old, my son really needs his mother.

I'm sure the answers are right in front of me, I just need help seeing them.

Thanks for listening!

 

[JeanR]

Dear Dave

I understand your concern and the fact that you have this concerns shows how much you love your son and want to do what is right for him.

Right now, your priority is your son. He is feeling many emotions right now, just as you are, and you need to help and guide him through this time. I would not worry about a new mom for him just yet. Neither you or your son are ready for a new relationship entering into the family.

I've learned quite a bit this past year about resting in the Lord and allowing the Lord to carry me. It has made me realize at a deeper level how much I depend on God. All along I did not want another relationship, but now I am feeling that I would like another in my life--but, it is in God's timing.

I have also struggled with the fact that I could have been a better wife to my husband. I think of the times I "nagged" him and times I could have been more supportive of him. With a new relationship, I will be just a little bit older and wiser.

For now, rest. The best example you can be for your son is seeing a father who depends on the Lord and follows God's leading. I don't know if the Lord will bring another woman into your life or not. But, please, don't rush into anything. Allow God to take the lead.

Dave, you are a good father and a good example to your son. I can see that in your writing.

 

[JeanR]

Dear Dave

I understand your concern and the fact that you have this concerns shows how much you love your son and want to do what is right for him.

Right now, your priority is your son. He is feeling many emotions right now, just as you are, and you need to help and guide him through this time. I would not worry about a new mom for him just yet. Neither you or your son are ready for a new relationship entering into the family.

I've learned quite a bit this past year about resting in the Lord and allowing the Lord to carry me. It has made me realize at a deeper level how much I depend on God. All along I did not want another relationship, but now I am feeling that I would like another in my life--but, it is in God's timing.

I have also struggled with the fact that I could have been a better wife to my husband. I think of the times I "nagged" him and times I could have been more supportive of him. With a new relationship, I will be just a little bit older and wiser.

For now, rest. The best example you can be for your son is seeing a father who depends on the Lord and follows God's leading. I don't know if the Lord will bring another woman into your life or not. But, please, don't rush into anything. Allow God to take the lead.

Dave, you are a good father and a good example to your son. I can see that in your writing.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

It's always difficult when a family member is taken away from us. I lost my husband and he left behind, me and my two boys who are now 10 and 13. It has been 2 3/4 years since their dad passed on. I try to have male role models for them so they can learn how to be a man God's way. I talk to them alot when other relationships in our family go bad. For you, at least you are a man, so you can teach your child how to be a Godly man. And he will watch how you treat women that come into your life as friends, family etc. I don't know how old he is, but when he is at an appropriate age you can talk with him about how a woman is to be treated. A really good book someone that lost their father gave me after my husband died is "Wild at Heart". It is a really good book that describes alot of why men are the way they are and women too, and how that all relates to God. It's a short read, and you should give it a look. I had my son who's 13 read it, and he thoroughly enjoyed it, and said it answered alot of questions for him. The most important thing you can teach your son, is about God and Jesus. If you do that, everything else will work itself out as far as him learning to treat women well. As he gets older and has girlfriends in his life you can coach him on how to be a good boyfriend. It's harder for me because I am a woman left without a man to teach my boys. But they learn thru men in our church and youth group, and we talk ALOT to each other and I tell them how men are supposed to be. Statistics show that they form their core beliefs by the time they are 12-13. So it's important to teach them while they are young. I am so sorry for your loss. I do know how it feels. I may not know how you feel, but I have experienced my love one lost. God will bring you to a place eventually that you can have peace, and hope for the future as well. May God bless you and your son richly. He does have a plan for your lives and I pray you fulfill the destiny he placed you on this earth for. God Bless!

 

[icedtea]

Hi. I have been a widow for 14 years, and an old friend of mine (a man) has raised his ex girlfriends daughter (now 14) all by himself, and he is not the biological father.
Love is primary.

 

[Mariawasmylife]

Being Catholic, I have read the thread within OBOB titled, "Fear your husband." Interesting insight on the role of the husband as head of household and his call to servitude.

But what happens in our case when my wife is no longer with us? My wife passed away a few months ago and our family has been reduced to myself and our son. I admit I was not the perfect model of a husband and, tragically, I know more now regarding how to love a wife than I did when she was with us. But my concern now is for my son; he no longer has both Mom and Dad to look toward as a model of a loving Christian couple.

A husband and wife can demonstrate through the family hierarchy how to love, respect, and serve each other, and that is a powerful lesson that children pick up on. They learn how to behave by watching us. But what happens when the only role model in the home is the father? How do we teach our sons how to treat a wife? How do we teach them how a Father is to serve his family, while at the same time being deserving of respect?

As you can see, I truly want to live as a Christian father and teach my son well, but am struggling to do so alone. I miss my wife terribly for many reasons; this is not how a family is supposed to be. I realize how important both mother and father are in the lives of children and how, at only 5 years old, my son really needs his mother.

I'm sure the answers are right in front of me, I just need help seeing them.

Thanks for listening!

Dear UncleDave,

When my wife died in March of this, the women in both of our families and our church became the new role models and confidants for my 3 daughters and 2 sons. My children are all older, but they all still need female role models. I encourage you to pray to God for guidance and then to seek out women in your family and church who you respect and know can help nuture your son. Talk to them and let them know that you and your son need their help. I know that I am so thankful for those women who have stepped up to be there for my children now that my wife no longer can directly.

Also, be sure to talk to your son about his mother. Make sure that when he is older, he 'knows' who his mother 'is' and how much she loves him (just like Christ loves him even though he is not here physically with him). Even in death, your wife can still be a mother to your son by him knowing her through your stories of her. He can feel her love and presence through you!

Like the rest of us, hang in there...

--Bill