Single and upset

[EmmVeePee]

I've been single for quite some time. Last girl I dated was nearly a year ago. I've never really been in a serious relationship before. I have a lot of friends that are girls, and they love me as a brother, but I'm not interested in any of them (I used to be interested in one, but I've come to the conclusion that nothing will happen between us, so we're just good friends now). I just get really upset about it and I feel as if I'll never meet that special one.

Which really sucks. I'm the kind of guy who asks how your day went, who opens the car door for you, etc. I feel like I'm saving myself for someone who is never coming, and that all my knowledge on how to treat a girlfriend that I picked up from my friends is useless. I feel like there are very few girls that "deserve" me... yet not one is willing to take a chance.

I just really need a confidence boost right now... last time that happened I ended up dating a really attractive girl that had nothing to offer other than her looks. After 2 weeks she asked if I wanted to stay over her house... I had to end it because it just wasn't glorifying to God. I honestly feel like I'm planning on getting married, having kids, but that its just not going to happen. Its one of the things, to me, that make life what it is.

Anyway, not really sure what I'm looking for in your replies =/

 

[joeman1]

Well brother I know what you are going through. I will be honest with you. I never had my fist date till I was 24. Be encouraged brother you are doing the right thing in God's eyes He will bring you someone who is doing te same. Be encouarged. PM me if you want to find out more about my story.

 

[g85]

God will give you a girl... A girl that deserves you and gets you closer to God

 

[Deliberatetourist]

How about instead of whining that you take the offensive and begin quoting some scripture that deals with your circumstances. For example:

1. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

2. But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband.

3. Enjoy life with the woman you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun. For this is your reward in life and in you toil in which you haver labored under the sun.

4. The Lord has heard my supplication, the Lord recieves my prayer.

5. Thou hast given me my heart's desire and thou hast not held the request of my lips.

I know that your original concern was dating and many of the scriptures are about marriage but you are in any case going to get the horse before the cart. Also have you tried fasting a day or two and making that the focus of prayer. I have found that in my own life it's much more productive to take matters into my own hands in seeking an answer from the Lord rather than to sit around and whine about it all the time and get depressed.

 

[TriptychR]

I'm the kind of guy who asks how your day went, who opens the car door for you, etc. I feel like I'm saving myself for someone who is never coming, and that all my knowledge on how to treat a girlfriend that I picked up from my friends is useless. I feel like there are very few girls that "deserve" me... yet not one is willing to take a chance.

I know how you feel, and I'm sure there are a lot more people here who do, too.

What we aim to do is very difficult in today's world. There doesn't really seem to be a great deal of us who are willing to save ourselves for someone and wait for a God-guided mate. It seems most of the good, interesting Christians of the opposite sex have already met other good, interesting Christians and just aren't on the market. It seems we will always be the good friends and never considered seriously. It seems you're a forgotten, dying breed. And so on, and and so on.

Your feelings are very valid. I don't detract from them at all because I've felt them and sometimes still do. However, there's one thing I've been starting to realize while I've been waiting for some sort of relationship miracle in my life: All of the things that get me down about this part of my life, like the ones I've mentioned above, rely on how other people view and respond to me. There really isn't much there to focus on my own independent development and worth.

So I've been working harder to take the time I have and channel more of it into making myself a more secure and well-rounded person. Do people find the loves of their lives by doing less? Of course. But why should I spend all the time it hasn't happened to me yet concentrating only on the fact that it hasn't happened to me yet? It's no solution to the occasional loneliness or even envy that comes up, but I find that it's good to have more of a feeling that you're doing something for yourself in the meantime.

 

[GQ Chris]

There's a proverb that says.. "the heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share it"... feelings of hopelessness, bitterness, or anger are not from God.

 

[Evie1980]

Well let's see my last date was well umm I have to count for a minute - 5 years ago! I don't think that I am overly unattractive but then again beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that is the point. I may not have gone out on a date in a very long time but I know that when it does happen it will be special because it is not going to be about me - it's going to be about the person God has chosen for my life. I don't want some random peson but a special man just for me and when the time is right it will happen. My beauty will over power him. God has that already planned out for me.

Now back to reality. I know these facts are not always easy to remember. I pray about finding my husband and I struggle just as much as the next person with singleness, however that doesn't mean it is hopeless. Because God is good. God is awesome. God is in control of my life. This life was never going to be easy and being single is not easy but God is with us. He hears our prayers. He guides our footsteps. Remember your singleness does not define you as a person!

Praying for you.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

I know how you feel. I'm 23 and have never dated anybody. I'm trying so hard to wait for the one God has for me. I want so much to give all of me to the man I'm gonna marry. All to often I feel like it's never gonna happen. Like I'm waiting for nothing.

I'm trying to get into my head and heart that singleness is a gift. Even though most of the time I struggle with that fact. It's so hard and I get soooo impatient sometimes or everyday for that matter. I just have to keep in mind that God is in control of my life and if he wants me to have someone He'll bring me someone in His own perfect timing. I know we singles get so tired of hearing that but it's so true.

 

[Evie1980]

I'm trying to get into my head and heart that singleness is a gift.

You are so right - it is a gift but sometimes when we get a gift we just don't want it! There are plenty things in this life that I have recieved from well menking friends and family that I look at and say 'ummm thanks' instead of looking at the beautiful, preciousness of the gift. We should always look the best in all the gifts we are given especially the ones from God!

 

[JPPT1974]

Maybe you are single for a reason
And that is up to God for you
To be like that!
Look at it as a blessing and not a curse.

 

[Tumbleweed64]

I've been single for quite some time. Last girl I dated was nearly a year ago. I've never really been in a serious relationship before. I have a lot of friends that are girls, and they love me as a brother, but I'm not interested in any of them (I used to be interested in one, but I've come to the conclusion that nothing will happen between us, so we're just good friends now). I just get really upset about it and I feel as if I'll never meet that special one.

Which really sucks. I'm the kind of guy who asks how your day went, who opens the car door for you, etc. I feel like I'm saving myself for someone who is never coming, and that all my knowledge on how to treat a girlfriend that I picked up from my friends is useless. I feel like there are very few girls that "deserve" me... yet not one is willing to take a chance.

I just really need a confidence boost right now... last time that happened I ended up dating a really attractive girl that had nothing to offer other than her looks. After 2 weeks she asked if I wanted to stay over her house... I had to end it because it just wasn't glorifying to God. I honestly feel like I'm planning on getting married, having kids, but that its just not going to happen. Its one of the things, to me, that make life what it is.

Anyway, not really sure what I'm looking for in your replies =/

So tell us a little more about yourself

 

[JPPT1974]

I am thirty-two years old
Never been married nor even dating
At all and God will lead me to where
He wants me to go single, married, etc.

 

[OhhJim]

Anyway, not really sure what I'm looking for in your replies =/

'S ok, that makes two of us.

If it's general advice, I'd say don't neglect your own personal development. Do something new, take a class or two, go to the zoo, learn kung-fu, get a new hairdo, eat kangaroo, find out who said "Tippecanoe and Tyler, too.

There once was a people called Sioux,
Who made all kinds of shioux,
And colored them various hioux.
Don't think that they made them to uioux;
Oh, no; they just sold them for bioux.


(Deepest apologies to the Sioux people, who I have great respect for. If y'all want to make jokes about German or Scottish people, you have my permission.)

 

[PretzelMonger]

I am single too but once once in a loving relationship - but he was no longer a Christian. He also told me he didn't read, then when she showed me a book about his new religion, I asked him if he had read an of it, he just reiterated that he didn't read. We went a bit further than we should have, but no, not all the way. (Almost, but no...and that would have been regrettable, as he broke up with me later... this is a rather complicated one!) But the snuggling and loving times were just so great. I know no one can get along all of the time, but I just want something that I can cherish for a while on earth. There is eternity to look forward to, but I must live in the here and now. If being single is a gift from God, it's one I don't want to have to accept unconditionally. I want to marry. I want to have children. People say that bringing children into such a world is a heinous idea, but it is still our job to raise them right. I grew up in the same culture of violence and drugs, but just saw no need to get involved. I watched - from the outside. I kept my health and sanity (to an extent anyway!) I want to carry out my dreams and the children and husband are a big part of those!

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Maybe you are single for a reason
And that is up to God for you
To be like that!
Look at it as a blessing and not a curse.

Singleness is a blessing if and only if it incorportes into your life as such. For example, for a person who was in an abusive marriage singleness would be considered a blessing. But you cannot blanket sterotype that individual instance to all other scenarios. I think it's commendable if a person tries to find the positive aspects in everything but I don't think God intended for us to continually chew gravel and keep on telling ourselves its caviar. You may be perfectly happy being a single person without relatioships but others don't always have a threshold of tolerance as high as yours. We all have our different vulnerabilities and some people need love and companionship more than do others.

 

[jcj3803]

Yeah, take it from the "old" guys. Do things for yourself that you enjoy. I've found that when I'm hoping or planning on how to meet somebody it just doesn't happen but when I'm doing something just for ME, I wind up meeting women out of the blue. And some of them have become significant others.

Example: I worked one summer in retail. I started chatting with a women who I never even thought of going out with. Not that she was unattractive or anything, it just didn't cross my mind as we were coworkers. She asked me out because I was "so easy to talk with".

Another way of putting it is "Let go and let God". It'll happen when the time is right. No point obsessing over it. Be yourself, be open, be friendly. Plus people can sense desperation like a dog senses fear.

(I think they'd rather be called Lakota.)

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Example: I worked one summer in retail. I started chatting with a women who I never even thought of going out with. Not that she was unattractive or anything, it just didn't cross my mind as we were coworkers. She asked me out because I was "so easy to talk with".

I really envy you. But any woman who doesn't wow me in some way I am never interested in going out with. The problem for me has usually been that there is no time when I am not checking our potential partners. And if I am around a female I am attracted to then I am evaluating them. If I am around females that I am not attracted to and one of them shows interest, thanks but no thanks. Thank God thats all over now as I am engaged and will no longer be dropping by the singles board come August!

 

[JPPT1974]

Singleness is either a blessing or a curse
You can either make it a curse and make
It worse or you can make it a blessing
Knowing that it is God's will in your life.

 

[Gardener101]

God will give you a girl... A girl that deserves you and gets you closer to God

Yes great, but from the OP it does not particularly sound like he is actually going out and actively doing his part to find a girlfriend. It sounds to me like is waiting for her to just turn up.

 

[Gardener101]

Do people find the loves of their lives by doing less? Of course. But why should I spend all the time it hasn't happened to me yet concentrating only on the fact that it hasn't happened to me yet?

Well said, son.