I must be the poster child for the socially awkward. I am a moderately decent looking guy. I have always been seriously overweight, sometimes morbidly so. But the biggest strike against me is my inability to start conversation with women (or with anyone for that matter). It is this problem, more than anything else, that led me to fear that I would die alone.
A Beast without a Beauty
For most of my life I was convinced that there was something terribly wrong with me. It was something that women just knew instinctively and it drove them away every time. I spent the first 30 years of my life alone and terribly lonely. I longed for a womans love and affirmation and did not get it. I felt like I was some monster that craved the gentleness and tenderness that only a woman could offer, but I was doomed to die alone without it.
Moms Gone and Shes Never Coming Back
During my 20′s I spent a lot of time and money in Christian psychotherapy. My counselor told me that so long as I was trying to fill the void my mom had left because she didnt really understand how a mom loves her child, that I would drive women away. It took me eight years of loneliness to realize he was right. When I stopped desperately wanting that mom love I was finally able to reach out to women as an equal partner and not a needy son. Because of this, I didnt start dating until I was in my mid-thirties. But even then, I was completely clueless as to how a man relates to a woman.
Playing the internet Dating Lottery
After my thirties, I only had two relationships with women that lasted more than a few months. I was convinced that I was destined to remain alone. I spent 15 years on the internet dating scene. I attempted contact with hundreds of women. Very few ever responded, and I can count the number that I actually met in person on one hand. When I reached my mid-forties, I finally conceded that I would die alone. I decided that I was simply too flawed to be a good match for any woman out there. I was terribly discouraged and depressed.
This didnt mean that I stopped looking. I wasnt that defeated. It was just that I had realized that looking was futile. I decided I would keep looking anyway.
I Gave Up, But God Never Gave Up On Me
And that is when the miracle happened! Just when I had finally decided that it truly was hopeless, I met a wonderful woman on a Christian dating site. After forty-eight long, lonely years, God finally brought my partner and I together. We are now married, deeply in love, and we plan to stay that way.
God is HOPE for the Hopeless
There is one thing I know for sure: we didnt meet by random chance. We met by the foreknowledge and purpose of the only true God. My Heavenly Father was taking those years of loneliness to prepare both myself and my wonderful lady for each other. He was refining our character and drawing us closer to Him so that, at the right time, we would recognize each other and He could draw us close to Himself and to each other.
My story of hope applies to anyone who has made the Lord Jesus Christ their personal Savior. If you havent, then youll have to rely on random chance. God intervenes to help His children, and we become His children only through Jesus. If you want to know how you can become a child of God and have God intervene on your behalf, please read the page titled Am I going to Heaven on my blog (see my signature).
Please check my blog for the second part of this article, Why Gods timing is perfect and why we hate waiting!
A Beast without a Beauty
For most of my life I was convinced that there was something terribly wrong with me. It was something that women just knew instinctively and it drove them away every time. I spent the first 30 years of my life alone and terribly lonely. I longed for a womans love and affirmation and did not get it. I felt like I was some monster that craved the gentleness and tenderness that only a woman could offer, but I was doomed to die alone without it.
Moms Gone and Shes Never Coming Back
During my 20′s I spent a lot of time and money in Christian psychotherapy. My counselor told me that so long as I was trying to fill the void my mom had left because she didnt really understand how a mom loves her child, that I would drive women away. It took me eight years of loneliness to realize he was right. When I stopped desperately wanting that mom love I was finally able to reach out to women as an equal partner and not a needy son. Because of this, I didnt start dating until I was in my mid-thirties. But even then, I was completely clueless as to how a man relates to a woman.
Playing the internet Dating Lottery
After my thirties, I only had two relationships with women that lasted more than a few months. I was convinced that I was destined to remain alone. I spent 15 years on the internet dating scene. I attempted contact with hundreds of women. Very few ever responded, and I can count the number that I actually met in person on one hand. When I reached my mid-forties, I finally conceded that I would die alone. I decided that I was simply too flawed to be a good match for any woman out there. I was terribly discouraged and depressed.
This didnt mean that I stopped looking. I wasnt that defeated. It was just that I had realized that looking was futile. I decided I would keep looking anyway.
I Gave Up, But God Never Gave Up On Me
And that is when the miracle happened! Just when I had finally decided that it truly was hopeless, I met a wonderful woman on a Christian dating site. After forty-eight long, lonely years, God finally brought my partner and I together. We are now married, deeply in love, and we plan to stay that way.
God is HOPE for the Hopeless
There is one thing I know for sure: we didnt meet by random chance. We met by the foreknowledge and purpose of the only true God. My Heavenly Father was taking those years of loneliness to prepare both myself and my wonderful lady for each other. He was refining our character and drawing us closer to Him so that, at the right time, we would recognize each other and He could draw us close to Himself and to each other.
My story of hope applies to anyone who has made the Lord Jesus Christ their personal Savior. If you havent, then youll have to rely on random chance. God intervenes to help His children, and we become His children only through Jesus. If you want to know how you can become a child of God and have God intervene on your behalf, please read the page titled Am I going to Heaven on my blog (see my signature).
Please check my blog for the second part of this article, Why Gods timing is perfect and why we hate waiting!
