Silent revolutions.

[ScreamingTenderness]

Hello everyone, I was diagnose with Bi-polar disorder when I was 13 years old. After a whole lot of hell and a lot more Jesus I have been off meds for 5 years. I have truly overcome the depression side of this. When I am low...I lean on Jesus and the Promises he gives me in his word and like a hero he saves me no matter how deep I go. Up until recently I thought I had overcome this illness. But the part I have yet to face and overcome is the Manic part of it.

I have been able to maintain a job for 3 years, pay my bills and by the grace of God become a stable adult. And it really is becuase of God in my life. I am a very active and artistic person, I jump from one project to another and am very spontaneous and Ilive life with a veangence. I have just chalked this up to my personality and even a good qaulity to have. Recently I believe I have gone through a major manic episode over the last 4 weeks. This time there is some negative consequences. 4 weeks ago my life was level, today its in shambles. In God's grace I have not ruined my life and with God nothing is unrepairable. However it got me thinking about Mania and maybe this is something I now need to deal with.

I dont want to go back on meds. I overcame the down side of this with God, Iwant to overcome the upside(anogther downside in my opinion) with God as well. I dont trip on other believers who choose meds, Its not for me to say what is right or wrong between a believer and God when it comes to a grey area such as medications. Thats just legalism and I am not a legalist.

My question to all of you, is what do you do spritiually and practically to curb the cycle of mania?

It is very hard for me to settle and fall into a routine. I have a daughter and it is extremely hard for me to just go home and make dinner and do the mom thing. I run very fast paced and am comfortable in constant change. Part of this is the chemical imbalance, a lot of it though Ithink is because i lived a crazy chaotic childhood and was homeless and on the streets for many years. I am a survivor in every sense of the word and when there is nothing to survive from Iam bored.

There is a thing that spinsinside of me, an inward machine, they are silent revolutions but they create a lot of energy in me which creates a lot of art and poetry and ministry. In a sense it is good, Idont want to lose it completely, but i must learn to be content and step it down a bit.

I feel strongly about no medication for myself, I have overcome many many things through my relationship with God, such as drug addiction, smoking cigerettes, sexual addiction, over eating disorder and of course the depression part of Bi-Polar. I believe that God will claim his Sovreignty over my body and fix what has been wronged...I need to learn the right behaviors to correct the wrong ones.

If you have any spiritual or practical insight i would love to hear it. And please respect my choice to not opt for meds, I respect yours.

thanks.




Jesus Fresus.

 

[goldenviolet]

meds help me think clearly; so meds are my first must. i'm much more safe with them. but i wasn't always on good healthcare plans. i use both meds and these:

daily/ weekly schedules = create genral stability and hold yourself accountable by sharing it with the family, and posting it up. determine to disapline yourself with it, by comparing how well you practiced staying on task, accomplished things, or needed extra help... determine to problem solve as best you can.

a call to doctor, crisis center, or therapist for helping me 'get grounded' = talking with someone who understands where i'm at in the cycles of bi-polar is very comforting and empowering.

journal to the Lord = wow. wow. wow.

posting here = reminds me that i need to care for myself and get support, just like non-bipolars. we all need self maintenance, and encouragements.

~ love dee

 

[ScreamingTenderness]

GoldenViolet, thank you for responding. As far as schedule setting goes, i have planned on going to a girlfriends house everyday and working out with her and then we will all have dinner together. My family lives in another part of the country and besides being a single mom i am completely alone. So I must depend on my friends to become like family for me. I also got another woman in our church to meet with me once a week to go over what goes on in my head over the course of a week so i can begin to determine what is manic thoughts and normal ones. I think accountablilty is the key. I isolate very easily for weeks on end and only really see people here and there. As a result its easy for me to be swept up in flights of fancy. I have also given up all caffeine and decided to switch to soft music of no music at work so i can better concentrate on my work. Thank you for your response to this. When did you get diagnosed wit BD?