This is a spin-off to Jenster's thread about questions. How well do you deal with silence? Are you comfortable with it? Does it depend on the situation? How comfortable are you with silence on dates or does it depend on the person you're with?
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Silence
- Thread starter FlatpickingJD
- Start date
dluvs2trvl
What You See Is What You Get!
I'm comfortable with silence and it is one of the things I actually enjoy in a relationship - being able to be quiet together and not say a word and still feel like I'm having a great time.
Now at the beginning of a relationship it would make me uncomfortable if it felt like we just didn't have anything to say to each other but as a relationship develops I actually enjoy it.
Now at the beginning of a relationship it would make me uncomfortable if it felt like we just didn't have anything to say to each other but as a relationship develops I actually enjoy it.
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ido
Adios
I think it totally depends. I can't stand silence when I'm trying to ask a question or discuss something and the other person simply does not respond. I think silence can be awkward at the beginning of a relationship unless there is a good reason for it. However, I do think that sometimes silence at any point in a relationship can be good b/c you're learning to be in tune with one another without needing words to communicate.
With friends - silence is rare for me. lol If we're together, we're talking each other's ears off.
With friends - silence is rare for me. lol If we're together, we're talking each other's ears off.
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I would agree with D here. In the beginning of a relationship, silence is not good. But as you grow into each other, silence can be quite a special time. Just sitting on the couch, wrapped in each other. Not talking. Just holding each other. Thats nice. Im sure there are loads of examples, But i couldnt be bothered wrighting them down.
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The first thing I do when I meet a client is to ask something along the lines 'what brought you to see me today?' and let them talk. I don't say anything after they've finished and I'll let the silence linger a bit. People are uncomfortable with silence, so they fill the gaps and I get more info than they originally gave me (you wouldn't believe the important things that people hold back). That happens in trial too. So at times, silence is useful.
On the first date, I think that whether the silence is good or not depends on why you're quiet. If it's because you're not comfortable with each other, have little in common, or just aren't hitting it off, then silence is awful.
But on those (all too for me) rare occasions when you've hit it off, there's an attraction, then the silence can be more than companionable.
On the first date, I think that whether the silence is good or not depends on why you're quiet. If it's because you're not comfortable with each other, have little in common, or just aren't hitting it off, then silence is awful.
But on those (all too for me) rare occasions when you've hit it off, there's an attraction, then the silence can be more than companionable.
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covenantwmn
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I'm good with it, in fact, I have to have some every day. It is solitude for me, and my mind generally turns to the Lord, so it's good. When with my fiance, it's still good, he's the same, we can go for looooong periods of silence and we're good with it, it's nice.
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J
Jenster
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I'm more comfortable with silence than most people, I think. I don't necessarily feel that nervous "oh my gosh, something's missing" feeling when there's silence. But being comfortable with silence has had its good and bad aspects.
Like you (FJD), I can use it -- professionally or personally -- to draw someone else out.
But in a group, feeling at ease with silence is not so helpful. I've facilitated discussion groups and sometimes no one wants to answer, so there's silence. When that silence goes on too long, or happens too often, the energy gets sucked outta the group. So when I lead a group, I now know I should keep the discussion as lively as possible and not let silence go on too long.
I agree with everyone that silence on a date, when it's due to incompatibility (you two don't know what to say to each other) is a bad thing. :o
BTW, and totally on a tangent, there's such a thing as the "spiral of silence" -- which refers to implied consent by members of a group. If someone feels like they hold the minority opinion, they will be less likely to speak up against an opinion they disagree with. But that silence has a domino (or spiraling) effect, because if I see you not speaking up, then I may be less likely to speak up as well, out of fear of being the only one to do so.
Practically speaking, this theory suggests we should speak up when we see injustice or something else we disagree with, to give others courage to also speak up.
Uh, just thought you were all dying to know about that.
Like you (FJD), I can use it -- professionally or personally -- to draw someone else out.
But in a group, feeling at ease with silence is not so helpful. I've facilitated discussion groups and sometimes no one wants to answer, so there's silence. When that silence goes on too long, or happens too often, the energy gets sucked outta the group. So when I lead a group, I now know I should keep the discussion as lively as possible and not let silence go on too long.
I agree with everyone that silence on a date, when it's due to incompatibility (you two don't know what to say to each other) is a bad thing. :o
BTW, and totally on a tangent, there's such a thing as the "spiral of silence" -- which refers to implied consent by members of a group. If someone feels like they hold the minority opinion, they will be less likely to speak up against an opinion they disagree with. But that silence has a domino (or spiraling) effect, because if I see you not speaking up, then I may be less likely to speak up as well, out of fear of being the only one to do so.
Practically speaking, this theory suggests we should speak up when we see injustice or something else we disagree with, to give others courage to also speak up.
Uh, just thought you were all dying to know about that.
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