*sigh* *poss trig*

[oneandlonely]

I don't know anymore.

My eating is really screwed up again.

I haven't ate anything since Friday. I don't plan on eating till Tuesday. Before Friday I had not ate since Wednesday.

This morning my friend Allie found this out, and really wanted to tell out youth pastor. I really am scared that if she does that he will go to my parents.

I know that I need to get my eating regular again. But it is just that when I eat i feel like I want to throw up. It makes me sick to eat.

I just don't know what to do anymore. It is like there is this constant war in my head. One side is saying that i need to go eat something, even something small. But the other side is screaming don't you dare. Its like if I go eat I have lost my control. I can be so sick. I can be so dizzy I can't see straight, but still not eat.

then there is the part of me that is like proud of myself right now. Proud that I have kept my control. That even when my friends are telling me to eat. I still have control.

I went in the kitchen a bottle of water a few minutes ago, and sitting on the counter was a box of donuts. I thought about eating one. But it was like... I don't know. I just couldn't

*sigh* sorry for my rambling. Just nothing is making sense anymore

 

[PureGrace]

I don't know anymore.

My eating is really screwed up again.

I haven't ate anything since Friday. I don't plan on eating till Tuesday. Before Friday I had not ate since Wednesday.

This morning my friend Allie found this out, and really wanted to tell out youth pastor. I really am scared that if she does that he will go to my parents.

I know that I need to get my eating regular again. But it is just that when I eat i feel like I want to throw up. It makes me sick to eat.

I just don't know what to do anymore. It is like there is this constant war in my head. One side is saying that i need to go eat something, even something small. But the other side is screaming don't you dare. Its like if I go eat I have lost my control. I can be so sick. I can be so dizzy I can't see straight, but still not eat.

then there is the part of me that is like proud of myself right now. Proud that I have kept my control. That even when my friends are telling me to eat. I still have control.

I went in the kitchen a bottle of water a few minutes ago, and sitting on the counter was a box of donuts. I thought about eating one. But it was like... I don't know. I just couldn't

*sigh* sorry for my rambling. Just nothing is making sense anymore

I will be praying for you. I'm in a similar place so I cant offer the way out of your struggle, but I can offer support. As hard as I know this will sound, I strongly recommend that you talk to your parents about your eating disorder and seek professional help. I struggled with my ED for 2 years before finally getting the courage up to talk to my mom about my struggle. It was hard...I won't lie and tell you otherwise, but it was one of the most important decisions I have ever made. Please concider doing so.

If you ever need someone to talk to who knows what you're going through, I would be more than happy to be here for you. Please dont ever hesitate to PM.

<3
Kate

 

[xoxJESUSxFREAKxox]

Yes, I know how this feels. Been there, done that. God came to me and showed me the way, I pray he can do the same for you.

 

[goldenviolet]

ooops! double posted

 

[goldenviolet]

sounds like a good time for a parent, counselor, doctor, pastor, etc. to help you get help. it's a horribly scary feeling to be found out, but only at first. the feelings seem to be much worse than what we immagine. and people understand alot easier than we think. who can help you? how can you ask for it? just do it? in a letter? through a friend?....whatever it takes.

i'm sad you are in such a struggle. it would be a joy to see you get out. prayer and blessings from me.

 

[bumblebee62331]

The advice from everyone has been wonderful and I totally back them. I also suggest you try to talk to someone about it - it's really taking a hold of you and you need to conquer this while you still have the energy, while you can still post in here asking for advice and help. Your friend is obviously worried about you and honestly, the best thing that can happen for you, is for your friend to tell the pastor.

You can ask him/her not to tell your parents. Talk it through with your pastor and see if you can work something out to help you. But telling your parents is a great idea, but if you honestly can't gather up the strength, you should at least talk about it with someone else - another adult who can help you.

I will be praying for you sweetie

 

[madison1101]

Have you thought about the health risks if you keep starving yourself? The dangers to your bones, because of the lack of calcium, is osteoporosis. Then there is the damage to the muscles of your body, because the body is going to search for nutrition, and take it from your muscles, including your heart muscle. Your not thinking clearly, because the brain needs a minimum number a carbohydrates a day to function. The kidneys need water to function, and can shut down if not given nutrition and water. Anemia from lack of iron can cause heart problems. Your immune system will be compromised, leaving you to the possibilty of infections and viruses.

That is just the beginning of what can happen to your body if you do not reach out for help right now. You need medical attention and need to get help at an eating disorder treatment facility.

Go right to your parents right now and tell them what you are doing. Ask them for help immediately.

It is a matter of life and death.

 

[oneandlonely]

thanks everyone. But I am just so scared to tell anyone that any of this is going on.

I am scared to give up my control I guess.

Everything seems to be out of control this last week and this feels like the one thing that I can control.

I just, I am scared of how my parents would react to this.

 

[bumblebee62331]

thanks everyone. But I am just so scared to tell anyone that any of this is going on.

Pray for the courage. If you don't tell them now, you will eventually have to tell them later when you are more ill and struggling even more. Or you won't tell them at all - instead you will be forced into hospital. Sweetie the best time to tell them is now, while you still can, while you're thinking this way, while you aren't in too deep

I am scared to give up my control I guess.

You're not giving up control, you're taking control by facing this problem and standing up for yourself!

Everything seems to be out of control this last week and this feels like the one thing that I can control.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time, and although this will be hypocritical coming from me, this isn't the best thing to take control of. Is there anything else you can control? Music? Cooking? Anything other than hurting your body - the body God gave you to take care of while on Earth?

I just, I am scared of how my parents would react to this.

Oh I've been there The only thing I can tell you is this - Your parents are going to react. But that doesn't matter. You shouldn't be worrying about that. You need to get some help. So your parents might be upset, worried...even a little angry...who cares? If it means you get the treatment you need, then that's all that matters. In the end, they will be relieved to have their healthy daughter back.

Think about this - you tell them now, they react, you get help. You don't tell them, but they find out in five years/ten years time, they react, force you to get help. Which do you feel is the better option? Wouldn't you rather go to them voluntarily and say "Hey, mum and dad, I have a problem I need your help with"? If you need the confidence, pray to God, think about it and really try to plan it out. It's scary but it needs to be done.

I will be praying for you.

 

[Soulwings]

/me cuddles her lil sis

 

[chasity]

i know how you are feeling...i had been doing really really good for a while now....recently i've started starving myself again....i really dont know what triggered it....i will deffinately keep you in my prayers as well as everyone else.

 

[oneandlonely]

Thanks everyone.

what are your thoughts on this? My youth group does the 30 hour famine every year.

My friends don't think that it is a good idea for me to do it this year. Because it would justify me not eating.

I kinda want to tho, I am not sure that it is the best idea. But I don't want to be the only one not doing it.

Should I talk to my youth pastor about this? Should I not do the famine this year?

 

[bumblebee62331]

Thanks everyone.

what are your thoughts on this? My youth group does the 30 hour famine every year.

My friends don't think that it is a good idea for me to do it this year. Because it would justify me not eating.

I kinda want to tho, I am not sure that it is the best idea. But I don't want to be the only one not doing it.

Should I talk to my youth pastor about this? Should I not do the famine this year?

Oh oh this is dangerous territory. For us in Australia, it's the 40 Hour Famine and I used to do it every year. I'm not allowed to do it now - my boyfriend doesn't let me and I don't let myself. It's so bad because it encourages you to not eat and usually by the end of the 40 (or in your case, 30) hours, you will be used to that feeling and wanting to continue.

I strongly suggest that you don't do it.

However, if you still want to help out, you can give up something else. Chocolate. Computer. Mobile phone. Swearing. Um.... Fizzy Drinks. It doesn't have to be food. Give up something that means a lot to you for the 30 hours and get people to sponsor you for that.

You can still participate and make sure that you are staying safe.