Showing affection...

[gailygirl]

I've been dating a guy for about a month and a half. It's going great, but he never shows any type of affection. He treats me really well, except that he doesn't make any effort to touch me at all. I'm not looking for a lot here, because I don't want to get in over our heads physically, but after 6 weeks, I'd like to at least hold his hand or cuddle

Over the weekend we were at an event with some of his family, and he did put his arm around me once and hold my hand for a few minutes, but mostly so we wouldn't get separated in the crowd . We went out again last night and he didn't do anything. I'm starting to wonder if he really wants to be dating me, even though I know that he wouldn't spend so much time and money if he didn't want to be with me.

I don't want to initiate this stuff. Should I talk to him about it and let him know it's bugging me, or just wait until he's ready? I kind of want to wait on him, but I'm getting more confused every time I see him! We haven't talked about where we're headed, and I really don't want to have that conversation until he starts it, but I'm sure a talk about physical things will lead to the DTR. So...any advice?

 

[HolyOne87]

if he is a very understanding person,maybe talk to him.. Or maybe he isn't sure if that is what you want(holding hands, etc), so he holds back. Maybe try holding his hand. If he sees you initiating, maybe he will be more comfortable to do so with you as well.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

In what ways do you think he does show his interest? Does he tells you how he feels? Does he do things for you?

I personally would DIE in a situation like that, lol. I'm a very affectionate person and need to receive the same thing. Have you tried initiating it and gauging his reaction?

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Yeah, you need to talk to him. A relationship is never going to work if you have to guess how he really feels about you.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

You need to talk to him. Some people are not really touchy-feely people. It's good you don't want to get in over your head, but holding hands and such is not a problem, at least in my opinion. He needs to know that you feel you need him to cuddle and what not. Trust me, if he really cares he will want to know because you are already wondering if he wants to be dating and your relationship just started. Talk to him, and pray about it.

 

[Blank123]

It could be that he just doesn't feel comfortable expressing how he feels about you in a physical way for whatever reason, maybe he's not the touchy feely type or hes worried about getting carried away or he's just nervous about initiating that kind of affection with you. It could be that he's hoping for you to show him some kind of affection like you're describing to encourage him that you're interested in him.

in any case i wouldn't be shy about talking to him about it. If its just shyness on his part though don't worry about reaching for a hug or slipping your hand in his sometime there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[AceHero]

I've been dating a guy for about a month and a half. It's going great, but he never shows any type of affection. He treats me really well, except that he doesn't make any effort to touch me at all. I'm not looking for a lot here, because I don't want to get in over our heads physically, but after 6 weeks, I'd like to at least hold his hand or cuddle

That's understandable. I wouldn't be comfortable holding hands immediately, though after a month and a half that seems a bit overdue. You probably need to coax him if you want him to act.

I don't want to initiate this stuff.

What's wrong with that?

 

[gailygirl]

Well, AceHero, this early in our relationship, I'd rather he initiate things. I've just always thought the man should do that . Frankly, I'm also not very good at communication, so I'm likely to mess up if I try to bring it up with him, and make him feel like I'm really unhappy or he's a complete failure or something. That's absolutely not the case!

I don't want him to feel like he has to cuddle with me to make me happy, because it would be nice, but I can live without it for awhile. So I was hoping that he might start it, so I'd be sure he wasn't just doing something because I want him to. I don't know if that's how he'll react to this talk or not, but it was a possibility that crossed my mind .

But I'm going to bring it up, if nothing else because I need to learn how to voice my needs! How do I do that without making him feel like I'm attacking him or something?

 

[Briseis]

I have a different opinion, but since I am so outnumbered I might be wrong. I would think that trying to talk to him would make too big of a deal out of it and put too much pressure on him. I recommend that you simply change your opinion of men initiating things and hold his hand once in awhile. It might help him realize that you like that. He may start to do it himself.

 

[Nobility]

Have you considered that he may not have had it even cross his mind?

Maybe a good idea is just to actually talk to him. Explain that youi don't want to make a big deal, but want to know why he hasn't. I'd bet he doesn't care about that stuff... or is as nervous as you are!

 

[AceHero]

Well, AceHero, this early in our relationship, I'd rather he initiate things. I've just always thought the man should do that . Frankly, I'm also not very good at communication, so I'm likely to mess up if I try to bring it up with him, and make him feel like I'm really unhappy or he's a complete failure or something. That's absolutely not the case!

Guys feel the same way. It's not easy for every guy to initiate things. Especially us quieter ones.

But I'm going to bring it up, if nothing else because I need to learn how to voice my needs! How do I do that without making him feel like I'm attacking him or something?

I think a lot of guys wouldn't mind it if the girl initiated it. It sure puts a lot of pressure off of us! (though it puts more on you)

 

[Blank123]

How do I do that without making him feel like I'm attacking him or something?

try just randomly bringing up some occasion where he did show you some affection by putting his arm around you or holding your hand (even if its in a crowd to avoid getting lost that counts and very much sounds like an excuse to me - how many guys do you see holding hands with people who are just their friends or members of their family -children aside- in any situation?) and just let him know how much you enjoyed that, i don't think it has to even come close to sounding like an attack - on the contrary that leaves the door wide open to flirt with him

 

[PassionateOne]

Just talk with him, he prolly doesn't even know it's a thought in your head.

He won't feel your attacking him, if you talk from your heart.....ask God to help guide you with what to say.

He'll prolly be relieved you did talk to him.

 

[gailygirl]

Thanks for all your advice! It worked out just fine, and actually, there was an issue holding him back, but he knew I was open to his affection since I'd started holding his hand when I got the chance . So he brought it up today and we talked it out and had our first kiss !

 

[PassionateOne]

Thanks for all your advice! It worked out just fine, and actually, there was an issue holding him back, but he knew I was open to his affection since I'd started holding his hand when I got the chance . So he brought it up today and we talked it out and had our first kiss !

good for you!!!

 

[Callipygian]

Most likely hes worryed about comming across as "too touchy feely" and is over compensating. I'd just through in the odd hand holding etc to let him know your okay with it.

 

[Monaleezza]

Is this in public or also when you're alone?

I dated someone JUST like that.
At first I thought he didn't like public affection, but then I noticed he was the same, even if it were only the 2 of us present.

Eventually we split up and this was a major factor.
It wasn't enough for me.
But my boyfriend now would probably suffocate some women, but I absolutely love the way he is with me.
So maybe we're all just different and one person's 'must haves' are certainly another person's 'love to hate'!

I need affection even if it is just a touching of hands or a leaning my head on his shoulder after a late night. We should all be in a relationship where we feel our needs are being met.

DEFINITELY talk to him! He may believe you don't like it. Or he may consider himself to be honoring you and your body. Maybe he has grown up thinking touch is a 'sex' thing and not an 'intimate' thing.
Unless you ask, you won't know!

 

[Monaleezza]

Oh and COMPLIMENT him whenever he IS affection.
Tell him how much you like it. How much you enjoy it.
How safe you feel when he's holding your hand. And how secure you feel when his arm is around you.

Everytime I discussed it with my ex, he's become more affectionate. But it didn't last because it wasn't who he was.

See how long he keeps it up and you'll know whether it comes naturally or not.

 

[ducky6705]

that was one of the first things that me an my girl talked about actually reson one is becuase i where a promise ring and rele rele dont want to have to take it off prematurely lol. i think that if your dating this guy becuase you think you might marry him (wich im pretty sure you r) than you should ask him wat he thinks are appropriate pda's (Physical displays of affection lol thats wat me and christin call them anyway) becuase if theoretically you might marry him than all thats gonna happen anyway yall may as well figure out wat yall think is the right things to do now. he could also just not want to act physical yet becuase he might think that it would give the wrong impression of how valuanble he thinks you r k