Should your spouse be your 'protector'

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

We had this discussion with our minister when we showed him our wedding vows.

It was just a very simple question - should we be elevating our spouse to be our protector? Does that bring the relationship into a more parent/child role? Is it better to say that our partner stands by us in time of trial, becomes part of the team standing strong against the attack, and will step in ONLY when asked?

It then became a biblical discussion. Does it ever say in the Bible our spouse is to be our protector? Who does the Lord define our protector to be?

The word 'protect' sort of gave us the mental picture (after thinking of it in detail) of one of us standing in front of each other, deflecting the 'attack'. To us (where we approach this marriage as a team, side-by-side thing), we realised that it wasn't really what we meant when we were saying 'protect'.

The more we thought about it, we realised that (in our opinions) God never said for a spouse to be our protector, but rather seemed to encourage the idea of supporting one another, and working together as a team to deflect any attacks on the marriage (rather than one person doing it). We actually preferred the idea of being 'the shield for each other's backs'. We actually have that in our exchange of rings - it's part of the celtic vow. That statement actually implies a team working together - back to back, standing up for our marriage together.

Yeah, it just got me thinking. Of course, I know women especially like the idea of the guy going in 'slaying the dragon' (so to speak), and in some cases, yes I agree we do need that, but then to have that expectation on him (or me), hmm... it sort of steps into not taking 'action' for yourself, and that bothers me a little.

What's your take? Is it biblical to assign the role of protector to our spouse?

 

[JulySheMustFly]

In Ephesians when it talks about the man as the head. This is what they meant. To be infront of the wife. there were no locks on your doors back then so the husband was expected to put his life infront of his wife and his children as a protector. I think this is still a very vital role although for many it has been distorted into a spiritual role and not a physical role. I do think women must stand up for themselves. We are often with out our spouse and need to protect ourselves. But, if I am out on the street and a predator whatever that may be targets me you bet I expect my spouse to step in front and protect me.

 

[Leanna]

 

[VictorianAngel84]

In Ephesians when it talks about the man as the head. This is what they meant. To be infront of the wife. there were no locks on your doors back then so the husband was expected to put his life infront of his wife and his children as a protector. I think this is still a very vital role although for many it has been distorted into a spiritual role and not a physical role. I do think women must stand up for themselves. We are often with out our spouse and need to protect ourselves. But, if I am out on the street and a predator whatever that may be targets me you bet I expect my spouse to step in front and protect me.

Amen!

 

[oliveplants]

I think protection is a good thing.
I protect DH from embarrasment by proofreading his writing, or reminding him of important things.
He protects me by teaching me gun safety, doing heavy lifting while I"m pregnant, asking other men to watch their language in my presence, etc.

But since it is a two-way street, the back-to-back image may be better than the shield-bearer one.
Just don't leave 'em open for attack.

 

[rebornagain]

I think we spouses can protect each other in different ways. As a husband, I think of myself as a protector of others from physical harm with help from God. There are obviously other ways to protect a spouse, and as long as it's done in an honest, healthy manner, I see nothing wrong with being a protector if not in name, in example.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

My personal perspective is that CHrist is a Protector.

Since my hubby reprsents Christ, and I the church, then it seems fitting to me that he be my protector.....


Plus, it is just cool to have a protector. MY own personal body guard!

 

[gracefaith]

Sasch,

Interesting. There is a old style of combat where two warriors (on the same side) would fight back to back. One couldn't fight the same enemies as his comrade but he could take on whoever was coming at him and protect the other guy's back at the same time. Sometimes if you try and fight for someone, you just get in their way and possibly put them in more danger. I definitely think this is a sound principle in any relationship.

Scripture does say that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. That is a self-sacrifical love, love to the point of laying downs ones own life but it is NOT a love that fights every challenge for us. Christ does not fight every battle with temptation for us or beat down every obstacle life throws in our way. He's with us - watching our back, knocking out some of the enemy so we are not overwhelmed - but that doesn't mean we get to give up fighting either.

Husbands should look out for their wives, of course. They should alert them to danger, protect them when they can't defend themselves but also allow them to step up and face their own challenges if they are able.

 

[Johnnz]

The notion of husband as protector seems to have arisen from the assignment of roles and somewhat dubious teaching on 'covering'.

There have been times when my wife has protected me, which I so appreciated.

John
NZ

 

[andiesmama]

You're gonna miss it if anything DOES happen, Miss "Leaving for vacation"!

 

[Cordy]

Hmmm… I don’t know if I can think of anywhere in scripture where we are told to protect each other, but I think that it is implied in love.

My husband has protected me at times, and me him. Sometimes, I think one is in a better position to shield the other. I think that is an expression of love.

 

[MaraPetra]

I think this goes back to where the Bible admonishes husband to respect the wife as the "weaker vessel".

I've been on both sides with this...My first husband basically expected me to protect him. If there was a noise outside the house in the middle of the night, I was expected to be the one to go out there and investigate, while Mr. Macho stayed in bed. There were no problems which were "ours"; the man just stepped back and let me handle them alone.

My second husband is almost obsessively overprotective, by comparison. No matter if the threat is physical, emotional, legal, or whatever, he's always trying to take the brunt of it and protect me. It's an amazing thing to experience, even though occasionally I feel coddled out of my mind.

As a Christian, though, I've learned very quickly that adversity and trials only increase your faith in relying on God. While I appreciate Rob's protective streak, I much prefer it when we face things together as a team. That way, our faith in God is built together. As I've stated before, "How can we grow together in faith if only one of us is tested?"

As for straight physical protection...Hmmm. Yep, my hubby is stronger. But my aim is better

 

[bliz]

I'm with mbams on this. I think husbands and wives protect each other as part of lovoing each other.

I like your side-by-side image of marriage, but what ahout when your partner is unable to stand, or vunerable to certain attacks? Then he needs you to protect him.

Many times in our marriage I had to protect my husband from his mother and sister who would viciously attack him verbally. Nothing was off limits to them (they would belittle him for having Type I diabetes!) and he would never turn and attack them in a similiar manner because, at rock bottom, he loved them. It quickly became clear to me that it was my place to literally step in front of my husband and shield him from their attacks and prevent situations from developing where they might attack. He has done the same kinds of things for me.

Think of Abigail protecting Nabal from David.

 

[newyorknewyork]

The Bible tells husbands to love your wives as Christ loves the church... so that to me would include husbands being a protector of their wives - yes

 

[Beth1231]

Interesting question! If someone was breaking into the house, I would definitely rely on my husband to protect me physically (although I hope I would have the guts to knock the guy over the head while Hubby took him down). Other than spiritual, we battle life's storms side by side and sometimes back to back. I like bliz' reminder of Abigail protecting David. Come to think of it, David's first wife, Michael protected David also! I think our husbands need us more than culture might lead us to believe.

 

[InTheFlame]

If my husband's in immediate danger that I don't think he can handle by himself, I'm hardly going to stand around mulling over whether the bible gives me dispensation to protect him...

That said... everyone needs to stand on their own two feet and be capable of fighting their own battles. It's the difference (this concept is lifted straight from Boundaries) between everyone carrying their own load, and christians sharing each others' burdens. There are certain responsibilities that we're capable of handling ourselves - and there are some crushing burdens that come along occasionally which need to be shared.

Ie... I'm not going to protect hubby from the trials of everyday life. I'm not going to take over all his chores, ring his work to speak to his supervisor when he's having trouble with her, or yell at his friends if they get him into trouble. Those are all HIS problems.

 

[GutterRat]

LOL - this is too funny.

 

[MsAnne]

I would like to think I could count on him for protection for no other reason than he loves me. The same goes for me. It is my job to 'protect' his image, his reputation, his character. That is one reason I feel so strongly about not being hurtful, even in teasing. Sarcastic comments can quickly be turned into 'fact' if spoken often enough.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I'm not sure whether I'd say the Bible says "protector" is a mandatory role.. it can be implied in "The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church," but it can be debated...

As for myself, I more or less need Mark to assume the role of protector sometimes, if only because of my bipolar disorder and emotional fragility. It's not something that will go away, so I do need the extra support and am thankful for it.


kayli

 

[imaniingod]

I agree that your DH should be your protector as the head.