Should I or Should He

[JourneyRain]

Okay here's a question I have for both sexes. Four years ago, there was a guy that I thought was the "one." I was 20 at the time and in no way, shape or form ready to be married. So I do what I always do chase the good guys away and just let him go. I assumed by now he'd be married and had a family. As he was pretty much gone out of my life, I never thought I'd run into him again.

However, a week ago he IM's me out of nowhere. In four years, only one of my contact informations stays the same and he still had it which is ironic in itself. He's still single and still attracted to me. I'm still single and still attracted to him.

He lives in Tennessee and I live in Virginia Beach. I really want to see if we can "try" a relationship, I just don't want to do it without seeing who he really is after four years. I have to go back to Indiana during the summer to get more of my stuff or what the heck I like driving so much I'd want to drive to see him. But is that right?

Should I let him come to me or should I go see him. I've been praying constantly about this. Yet, I have no idea what I should do. I probably won't go until July just cause of my schedule although I really want to go now. Its like I don't want this situation to drag out unless its meant to be.

Any advice?

 

[Tink]

Journey,
Is this man a Christian? Does he seek the Lord God with all that he is? I'm not saying he has to be perfect, just that he wants the Lord's will for his life.

If the answer to those two questions is yes...go see him. However, you must be VERY careful not to end up putting yourself in any situation that might tempt you to sin. Also, maybe the two of you could meet half way. That way it's a compromise and you can be equally sure that he wants to see you as much as you want to see him.

Hope this helped even a little bit!

In His love,
Tink

 

[Tink]

PS. Patience is a virtue.

(I know because I repeat this to myself at least 20 times a day. )

 

[JourneyRain]

He's a Christian. He even applied to work at CBN, I know that if he gets this interview we'll definitely take the time to hang out as that's a mile down the road from where I live.

I know patience is a virtue. Its just driving me crazy with him. It probably doesn't help that I just moved to a new area and I really don't know anyone yet.

 

[Tink]

If you don't hear the Lord saying "no", I don't see why you shouldn't go see him, hon.

In His love,
Tink

 

[justasinner]

There is an old saying that goes
"If you love it then let it go, and if it loves you it will return".

Maybe this is what happening. You push this man away but God's love for you has place him back in your life. Now, simply dating by the Christian viewpoint for three months is away to find out. And who knows maybe he is the right guy for you.

But if you do not try then you will never know and that would be very sad. You can always use this as a learning experience if he is not the one.

Also as a good Christian girl you should let him to come to you like a good Christian boy. At least for the first visit. You can IM him or email that you interest in seeing him that way he does know that if he ask you are willing to see him.

 

[JourneyRain]

See that's what some people tell me that I should have him come to me, instead of me going to him. In my mind, if it was literally on my way back to Indiana I don't think it'd be that big of a deal but it is out of way. I don't know what to do at least I won't do anything until July or August so by then maybe God will reveal an answer to me.

 

[Buskanaka]

I agree with Tink, if you really want to go see him and there doesn't seem to be anything stopping you then do it. Don't get caught up in what I think is just Christians being legalistic about relationships, just do what you would do for any other friend. Just because he's a guy that you like doesn't mean you have to sit back and wait for him to come see you or ask to spend time together.

Also as a good Christian girl you should let him to come to you like a good Christian boy.

I disagree, just going and visiting a friend has nothing to do with being a Christian.

 

[Lia]

I would suggest you that he should be the one who make the first visit to you instead of you making the first visit to him. It's just right that way, imho. If he's really attracted to you, he needs to be the one who makes the effort to see you and be the initiator.

At my church, I'm strongly taught that biblical masculinity means that a guy needs to take a leadership and biblical femininity means the girl responds. You could encourage him to plan a trip to see you, but imo, you shouldn't be the one who visit him first. I do understand that uncertainty can really drag you out, but I think your part is to pray and wait for him to take action if he really wants to pursue you (that is, if God really leads him to).

I, too am walking in the somewhat similar path like you. I have met this Godly gentleman online and we've been talking almost 6 months now. He also lives in Tennessee and I live in Maryland, fyi I have been waiting and praying . I've been wanted to see him in person when we started talking but I do want him to be the one to initiate. So I prayed hard about it, until a few months ago, he told me to start praying about the possibility of meeting up. To make the long story short, we already decided that we're gonna see each other in June for the first time - he's gonna fly to see me. I felt like I did my part quite well by praying and just letting him to be the initiator - regardless what's gonna happen after we meet (because we might or might not be courting, I really don't know what God has for us as of now). Either way, I'm just glad that I had the opportunity to fully trust in God so far by doing almost nothing except by praying that God would move him to visit me first if it's God's will and also I was able to encourage him to be a good leader (especially if someday down the road this friendship leads to a courtship and marriage, he needs to be the leader of the family). I understad that we, women tend to get anxious and impatient when dealing with matters of our hearts but just pray and totally surrender to God. You can just relax, sit back and watch God take control of your love life. I hope I'm making sense

Whatever you decide to do - I pray and hope that God will be glorified! Much blessings to you, Journey Rain!

 

[Tink]

If all Christian girls waited for all Christian men to come to them, none of us would ever get married...

In His love,
Tink

 

[Lia]

If all Christian girls waited for all Christian men to come to them, none of us would ever get married...

In His love,
Tink

I think it's really based on whatever you're convicted of. As for me, that's my conviction and that's what my church teaches the young adults. You could read the book Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris - that's what we believe and practice (in a relationship area) at my church (Josh is my senior pastor). Besides, I believe that God is Sovereign over all humanly-efforts. Waiting on God to bring you a Godly man by praying and practicing patience is not a sign of weakness/passiveness but it's embracing God's Sovereignty and acknowledging a total trust on God that He can provide a spouse in His way instead of my way.

Just my .02 cent.

Much grace and blessings to you!
Lia

 

[Tink]

I think it's really based on whatever you're convicted of. As for me, that's my conviction and that's what my church teaches the young adults. You could read the book Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris - that's what we believe and practice (in a relationship area) at my church (Josh is my senior pastor). Besides, I believe that God is Sovereign over all humanly-efforts. Waiting on God to bring you a Godly man by praying and practicing patience is not a sign of weakness/passiveness but it's embracing God's Sovereignty and acknowledging a total trust on God that He can provide a spouse in His way instead of my way.

Just my .02 cent.

Much grace and blessings to you!
Lia

Lia,
Hi! I have read that book. It was excellent! However, I suppose I need to read it again because I don't remember it saying that the man must always come to the woman. (Why don't they have one that's scratching it's head and SMILING?) Also, I totally agree that we should pray to Abba and practice patience toward finding our spouse. I further believe that if God tells a woman to make the first move, she should make it. It is possible that our Lord would have the woman pursue the man, and if that is His will...no one should step outside it. I believe there were such cases in the Bible, but...as I'm new to really studying it and not just reading it...I'm not sure which women they were. (I'd rather follow His word, than Josh's word, ya know?) Trust in His way and not our own is right on the mark. Anyhow, I didn't mean for my last post to be tacky or in any way put you down. I was just sharing my little opinion on it. Please accept my sincere apologies if it offended you at all.

Be blessed, sister!

In His love,
Tink

PS. I love love love that you made sure we knew it was your conviction and not something that is necessarily for everyone. You rock!

 

[JourneyRain]

In regards to if the woman should wait on the man to come to her, is that everytime or just the first time. Meaning if I waited and let him come visit me, when can I visit him?

That's my issue with how some people say let the man come to me. If I only did that sooner or later, he may think I wasn't as intersted or into the relationship irregardless of what I say.

I don't know what my final, final decision is going to be. But I think I may let him come to me in the sense to prove that he really does want to be with me. Because if he's willing to drive 7 hours, spend $$$ on gas and a hotel room for him--he's interested. Now, there's a possiblity he could get an interview down here and then we'll definitely get together.

We'll see

 

[JPPT1974]

He's a Christian. He even applied to work at CBN, I know that if he gets this interview we'll definitely take the time to hang out as that's a mile down the road from where I live.

I know patience is a virtue. Its just driving me crazy with him. It probably doesn't help that I just moved to a new area and I really don't know anyone yet.

Maybe patience is worth waiting for. Because patience does help you to increase in God's character for you both as well as increase you two's faith in Him.

 

[growingupinhim]

In regards to if the woman should wait on the man to come to her, is that everytime or just the first time. Meaning if I waited and let him come visit me, when can I visit him?

That's my issue with how some people say let the man come to me. If I only did that sooner or later, he may think I wasn't as intersted or into the relationship irregardless of what I say.

I don't know what my final, final decision is going to be. But I think I may let him come to me in the sense to prove that he really does want to be with me. Because if he's willing to drive 7 hours, spend $$$ on gas and a hotel room for him--he's interested. Now, there's a possiblity he could get an interview down here and then we'll definitely get together.

We'll see

this seems like a better deal..however temptation will exist..
do everything to get to know him now..dont be afraid to ask for his pastors number either..thats church number! you be shocked how people mis represent thmesleves!

 

[lady_of_god]

Okay here's a question I have for both sexes. Four years ago, there was a guy that I thought was the "one." I was 20 at the time and in no way, shape or form ready to be married. So I do what I always do chase the good guys away and just let him go. I assumed by now he'd be married and had a family. As he was pretty much gone out of my life, I never thought I'd run into him again.

However, a week ago he IM's me out of nowhere. In four years, only one of my contact informations stays the same and he still had it which is ironic in itself. He's still single and still attracted to me. I'm still single and still attracted to him.

He lives in Tennessee and I live in Virginia Beach. I really want to see if we can "try" a relationship, I just don't want to do it without seeing who he really is after four years. I have to go back to Indiana during the summer to get more of my stuff or what the heck I like driving so much I'd want to drive to see him. But is that right?

Should I let him come to me or should I go see him. I've been praying constantly about this. Yet, I have no idea what I should do. I probably won't go until July just cause of my schedule although I really want to go now. Its like I don't want this situation to drag out unless its meant to be.

Any advice?

If I were you and i knew that the chance was still there, honestly I would go to see him. If you don't see him you may regret later.. i hate regrets.

My heart leaps for you... girl i'm excited lol

Continue to pray about him most definitely but take that chance!!! I don't see where it could be a bad thing really.

Go, go, go, go... *pushes JourneyRain out the door and puts the keys in her hand*

-Lady.

 

[Lia]

(I'd rather follow His word, than Josh's word, ya know?)

Hi Tink

Sure! I never say follow what Josh said. Yet I do apply some stuff that is in the book becase I think there are so much wisdom and God-glorifying counsels. Josh did mentioned in Chapter 7 (If boys would be men, would girls be ladies) that there was a reason why He created Adam first in Genesis - that He would be the leader and initiator. God created Eve next for Adam so that she would be his helper in the tasks God has assigned him. And I think it's biblical. There are also books like "Biblical Femininity" by Carolyn Maheney or "The Mark of A Man" and "Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot that similarly encourage Godly men to take initiative and Godly women to pray, wait patiently and respond. Again, I don't want you to think that I follow these authors' words than God words. But I do believe that I can use some wisdom which can help me in glorifying God. I do want to honor God in big or small ways in my life and even small thing like this - who needs to make the first move first, matters for me. I am new to this whole thing too, I'm just started to embrace this whole new concept of biblical manhood and womanhood. I can tell you that I'm someone who God has forgiven much sexually in the past and had committed many sins in the area of relationship because I typically am a girl who just do what my heart desires right away without waiting. By God's grace, He changed my perspective...I want to make sure that from this time on, I'll do it carefully, in God's timing and in God's way.. not my way out of my impatience or anxiety. And in my case, I waited and prayed - God did answered my prayer about this guy. I believe that God prompted him to take the lead to visit me without me saying/asking anything to him.

That's why I want to extend my care for Journey Rain to not make the first visit to him, just pray that God will prompt this guy to take the lead to visit her instead of her coming to see him if it's really God's will for them to be together. It will serve her better if the guy can visit her first and she will have more advantage on her part if this guy comes to visit her first - she could introduce him to her friends and get counsel from others. Of course she can ask/encourage him to come visit her and of he comes, it will confirm his seriousness to start a relationship with her rather than if she visit him first.

Anyhow, I didn't mean for my last post to be tacky or in any way put you down. I was just sharing my little opinion on it. Please accept my sincere apologies if it offended you at all.

No worries Friend, it's all good. I have no right at all to be offended! I just want to care for Journey Rain and offer some advices for her. But it's really up to her what she would decide. Sorry for the long post I did wrote much, didn't I? hee hee....

In God's grace and mercy,
Lia

 

[Lia]

In regards to if the woman should wait on the man to come to her, is that everytime or just the first time. Meaning if I waited and let him come visit me, when can I visit him?

I think it's more for the first time...once you guys in a relationship - it's pretty safe to say that you can visit each other as often as you want

Now, there's a possiblity he could get an interview down here and then we'll definitely get together. We'll see

You should probably need to start praying about it then - ask God to open an opportunity for him to get a job in your area so you guys can start praying about the possibility of being together in the future. Much blessings to you, JourneyRain!

love,
lia

 

[Silver Speak]

If all Christian girls waited for all Christian men to come to them, none of us would ever get married...

In His love,
Tink

Excellent point!!!!

 

[JPPT1974]

Temptation does exist but the Lord wants us to lean on Him for guidance and support as well as to let Him get rid of the temptation for you. And that your mind and body will be cleansed as white as snow.