Shocked by the language my 5th grader hears at school!!!

[beth34]

My son is in the 5th grade this year and I cannot believe some of the things he hears at school. These kids are just 10 years old and use language that would make an adult blush to hear. And I hate to say it, but a lot of it comes from girls! Last Friday, a little girl cussed my son out on the playground. She said he was "cheating" on her best friend. Called him a mother f....., a stupid bi..., and a sh..face. I was in shock. He came home so upset, almost crying!!! Since day one, girls will come up to him and ask him if he will "go out" with them. He tells them no but they continue to ask him almost everyday. When he finally does tell this one little girl who he kind of likes that he will go with her, the very next day she comes up to him and says that she heard he cheated on her. Oh my gosh!!! And the girl that cussed him out was this girls friend. He didn't know what in the world she was talking about. My son does not hear this type of language at home and it depresses me so that he is hearing it now at such a young age. I never thought it would start this soon!!! Middle school or high school maybe, but not 5th grade!!!! I feel guilty sending him to school now. Needless, to say, my husband went to the school that very same day and talked with the principal about it. My son went also and told her everything that happened. The girl also pulled his shirt and stretched the neck in it and kicked him in the legs. She said she would handle it next week when they come back to school. UGHHHHH!!! How would you all handle a situation like this? I'm not saying this because he's mine, but my son is a good kid. Treats everybody with respect. Sometimes I think he's too nice though. I don't want these kids walking all over him

 

[Niffer]

Homeschool?

 

[ex-pat]

That's one reason why we will be home-schooling. I know not everyone can, and stories such as this make me sad for all the children forced by circumstances to grow to sexualized and foul-mouthed. You can bet that little girl heard that from older siblings or parents. We're very blessed that my husband can support our family so that we can properly nurture any children we have, and can home-school when the time comes.

 

[hedrick]

I have a couple of thoughts, but be aware that I'm not a parent myself. (I do however work with this age group in Church. Fortunately our community doesn't seem to be as far gone as the one you describe.)

* You'll want to make sure he's gotten reasonably complete sex education, whether from you or someplace like church. It may be earlier than you'd prefer, but he needs reliable knowledge and he needs to think about how he wants to relate to girls. You'll have to avoid the temptation to overreact by taking an approach that is unrealistically protective. You probably can't protect him from seeing things.

* Can you help him find a reasonably safe place to develop socially and get to know girls, without being pressured to get sexual too early? A church youth program would be the obvious place to look. It may not matter so much that he's exposed to weird stuff around him as long as he's got a group of kids he can feel comfortable with.

* I'm skeptical about the ability of the principal to control how kids treat each other.

It sounds like he's at least willing to talk with you about this. That's really great.

 

[lucypevensie]

This is a case of bullying, in my opinion. This makes me angry and it's not even my kid! You need to know what the principal does to remedy the problem and make sure there is follow-through. Make a follow-up call to the principal. I would also talk to the his teacher(s), if you have not already done so. Do not just count on the principal to pass on the info for you. The teacher will need to know in order to keep closer tabs on certain kids. Again, expect follow-through on this. Ask about playground supervision too, find out who does the supervising and bring your concerns to them.

 

[beth34]

I spoke with my son's teacher on the phone that same day after school. Plus, my husband took him back to the school to talk to the principal that day. This little girl is not even in his class, so his teacher said she would find out who her teacher is and have a talk with her about it. The principal said the same thing. Soooo, we'll see how it goes tomorrow. It's his first day back after this awful experience. If these girls continue to bother him on the playground with the name-calling and hitting and such, I will be going back to see the principal. And yes, I do feel like it is a type of bullying. You don't really think of girls bullying boys, but they definitely can. Especially if the boy is quiet and easy-going and they know they can get away with it. To another poster, I have thought about homeschooling. We've had our son in public school since pre-k and have never encountered a problem like this until now. I just pray things will work out for him because he does have good friends there and has enjoyed school, so I'll just see how things go the rest of this week and we'll take it from there.

 

[Chris7]

I hope things go well for you in this situation. Homeschooling is a good option for some but not for all. I was homeschooled (coincidentally from 5th grade through high school graduation) and while I absolutely enjoyed it, homeschooling also happened to fit my personality style: independent, self-motivated, low need for socialization. Also my mom has the heart of a teacher and was able to learn how to teach me and my three siblings fairly quickly (it took probably three years to really have a strong hold on a curriculum and daily routine). My mother took me out of school first for much of the same reasons that you are having these issues. Language, adult-like conversation content, and even some religious disregard by the teachers.

I have a five year old son who is wrapping up his third week at school in kindergarten. I wanted to homeschool him but after a trial-and-error year of pre-k, my wife and I decided that we wouldn't be able to provide him the academic attention that he deserves at the time. My wife, while a wonderful mother, does not possess the same skill set that my mother does and thus wasn't creating a learning environment that we desired for him. Our hopes are that in three years after my wife graduates from college that either we will be comfortable with the school he is currently or I will be able to work part time (and my wife work full time) and I stay home to homeschool all three of our children who will be of school age by then.

Good luck to you Beth34!

 

[beth34]

Thanks Chris7. I will definitely keep homeschooling as an option if things continue to get worse. Thank goodness he had a fairly good day at school today. Nobody bothered him about the incident last Friday. We'll just see how the year continues to go overtime. That's great that you would be willing to homeschool your kids. I'm sure you would do a great job.

 

[FaithPrevails]

We can't completely shelter our children from this type of language and behavior, IMO. Homeschooling does help to a large extent, but our children are still subjected to it in society in general. It's so common to hear cuss words and see inappropriate behavior in stores, restaurants, etc.

So, the best we can do is set the example, shelter them from this type of behavior as much as possible, and address it quickly and effectively when they are exposed to it. You and your husband handled this perfectly, IMO. You let your son know this type of behavior is unacceptable and you took it to the proper authorities to get the situation corrected.

I will be praying that things will settle down and these girls will learn to be less aggressive.

As a side note - I came across this article a few years ago and found it helpful. Maybe you will, too.

Protecting Your Son From Aggressive Girls , Christian Parenting and Family

 

[beth34]

Thanks, FaithPrevails. Yes, it is very unfortunate that we can't protect them from all the bad they will hear when they leave home to go to school everyday. I know that cuss words are just a part of life, and that eventually they will be exposed to even more - all I can do is to raise him to have morals and respect for other people and have faith in him to know right from wrong. Thanks also for the link regarding aggressive girls. Times have definitely changed when it comes to boy/girl relationships.

 

[Lena75]

I definitely agree with homeschooling. My kids used to be in public school and they were bullied by kids and the teachers. So, after a bunch of complaints, reports and nothing being done about it, I ended up pulling them all out and homeschooled instead. They've now grown to be so much more confident about themselves! It's amazing to see how different they are now compared to how they were before.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Thanks, FaithPrevails. Yes, it is very unfortunate that we can't protect them from all the bad they will hear when they leave home to go to school everyday. I know that cuss words are just a part of life, and that eventually they will be exposed to even more - all I can do is to raise him to have morals and respect for other people and have faith in him to know right from wrong. Thanks also for the link regarding aggressive girls. Times have definitely changed when it comes to boy/girl relationships.

Amen to the bolded part!

 

[Decaffeinated]

This is a case of bullying, in my opinion. This makes me angry and it's not even my kid! You need to know what the principal does to remedy the problem and make sure there is follow-through. Make a follow-up call to the principal. I would also talk to the his teacher(s), if you have not already done so. Do not just count on the principal to pass on the info for you. The teacher will need to know in order to keep closer tabs on certain kids. Again, expect follow-through on this. Ask about playground supervision too, find out who does the supervising and bring your concerns to them.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I heard language worse than that, at earlier grades than that. It sucks but it just happens even at that age, so barring homeschooling, it's all about teaching em to handle those situations.

 

[blessedmomof5]

I agree here too with FaithPrevails my girls go to public school a small one in a nice are( high school) and they have come come and have said mom the kids at my lunch table were cursing today, and i said can you please stop saying those words when i am sitting at the table! Which i thought WOW you go girl!!!!!
So yea it can happen anywhere with the cursing, i was at the beach this summer and it was a grown man on the phone altho drunk so not approachable! But a lesson for the kids!
All of life is a lesson for them so i always take the oppurtunity to have an open talk about what we see good or bad!

We can't completely shelter our children from this type of language and behavior, IMO. Homeschooling does help to a large extent, but our children are still subjected to it in society in general. It's so common to hear cuss words and see inappropriate behavior in stores, restaurants, etc.

So, the best we can do is set the example, shelter them from this type of behavior as much as possible, and address it quickly and effectively when they are exposed to it. You and your husband handled this perfectly, IMO. You let your son know this type of behavior is unacceptable and you took it to the proper authorities to get the situation corrected.

I will be praying that things will settle down and these girls will learn to be less aggressive.

As a side note - I came across this article a few years ago and found it helpful. Maybe you will, too.

Protecting Your Son From Aggressive Girls , Christian Parenting and Family

 

[gracefulone1980]

After seeing what went on in prek classes, bullying, name calling, hitting, etc.. and along with many other reasons we decided to homeschool our children. We've been at it for three years now with no regrets. I hope the school is able to stop this bullying going on with your son.