She thinks its a game

[ChristianRocks]

You ever find those girls who think relationships are just a game? A dating game? (Especially those girls that know that they're good looking). That they can pick or choose the guys they want to date based on their performance and looks? I don't know about you, but this really bothers me. How can you rate guys like this? I can understand things like when the girl in question waits for the guy to make a move, but not this. Maybe you ladies out there can give me some insight on this issue.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, for myself, I don't do too well when it comes to the "performing' arena. I am who I am, and I like to come humbly into a relationship and have serious discussions about Christ, that's my passion. But I've come across many ladies out there that think relationship are just a game. Is this common? I mean, were playing with people's heartstrings here, friendship or otherwise, how can people go about it like its all for fun?

I don't know about you, but I'm a pretty serious guy when it comes to relationships; I like to be the one that people come to rely on when they need advice or help or just someone to talk to, and that means I usually don't take the role of " the funny one" or "charming talker", I just listen. That's what I'm good at. But, there have been times, for example, when a girl will ask, "Why don't you be more talkative?" It just frustrates me that people, especially someone I'm interested in, doesn't understand that, say, listening is just as important as talking.

Any insights?

 

[Cjwinnit]

Of course it's a game.

1. It's competitive
2. It's fun
3. It's voluntary

 

[hazeleyes80]

You ever find those girls who think relationships are just a game? A dating game? (Especially those girls that know that they're good looking). That they can pick or choose the guys they want to date based on their performance and looks? I don't know about you, but this really bothers me. How can you rate guys like this? I can understand things like when the girl in question waits for the guy to make a move, but not this. Maybe you ladies out there can give me some insight on this issue.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, for myself, I don't do too well when it comes to the "performing' arena. I am who I am, and I like to come humbly into a relationship and have serious discussions about Christ, that's my passion. But I've come across many ladies out there that think relationship are just a game. Is this common? I mean, were playing with people's heartstrings here, friendship or otherwise, how can people go about it like its all for fun?

I don't know about you, but I'm a pretty serious guy when it comes to relationships; I like to be the one that people come to rely on when they need advice or help or just someone to talk to, and that means I usually don't take the role of " the funny one" or "charming talker", I just listen. That's what I'm good at. But, there have been times, for example, when a girl will ask, "Why don't you be more talkative?" It just frustrates me that people, especially someone I'm interested in, doesn't understand that, say, listening is just as important as talking.

Any insights?

I find that people in general who think relationship is a game (I've come across guys like that too) suffer from an extreme lack of emotional maturity and empathy. The people like this that I've come across look at people and ask themselves "What can that person do for me/give me?" They don't look at things in terms of mutual respect. I'm not sure they even know what mutual respect is .

 

[ChristianRocks]

Mmm, thanks for your insight ChristianGradStudent, that makes sense to me now.

 

[hazeleyes80]

Mmm, thanks for your insight ChristianGradStudent, that makes sense to me now.

No problem. Good luck finding your ideal mate!

 

[KeilCoppes]

They don't look at things in terms of mutual respect. I'm not sure they even know what mutual respect is .

Or perhaps mutual care and serving one another? Most people don't get that it's not about what you can get but about what you can give and share.

 

[Nico]

i've come across the same thing. even when the guy isn't completely coming at it as a game, it ends up that way--only showing your best side, only being completely charming and witty, only this, only that. what happened to just being you? and then when i am completely myself, unapologetically me, it seems, as though the guy runs away. then i think to myself, man, the next time i have to approach it as a game. but then the more i think about it the more i realize that i don't want to do that. it's not me. for some that's the way they do it. and maybe they do it better than me. but i would rather find someone who love me for all that i am, faults and all, and that means doing it my way--just being me. but i have accept the fact that not all people work that way and there will be many disappointments along the way. but i have faith that if i continue to just be me someone will come my way that thinks this "me" is pretty darn great. there are girls out there who prefer things to be natural as opposed to composed, and this whole process can be discouraging at times when you don't seem to find those girls, but i'd say just continue to be you and someone will come around who REALLY appreciates it and you'll be happier in the long run.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Any insights?

I feel you. Girls that play games frustrate the cr** out of me .

(Before I get any hate mail, or any of you start throwing full wine bottles at your computer screens, I'm not calling out "girls". Guys do this too, only I'm not frustrated by it, because I don't date guys. Yeah, it bothers me to know that there are guys that do this too, but I'm not affected by them. I'm just not into doods)

So yeah, insight. A couple of good things have come out of these games though.

1. One less girl. Nowadays, if I don't get a return call, we're done. Happened with a girl I worked with. I called, no call back, and when I saw her a week later she asked why I didn't call. I said "I did, you didn't call me back", to which she replied "Yeah, but you only called me ONCE." I know this is the kind of nonsense I don't want in a relationship, one girl down, 200 million to go.

2. Muscle. I also use this frustration to push myself when I'm lifting weights. I can blow it off or get ticked off about it. I choose to get ticked off about it when I'm lifting weights. For that, these past three months alone I've gone from 195 lbs, 31% body fat to 201 lbs, 28 %.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Both genders play games. Sadly, it is even present in our churches.

ChristianRocks, I see that you are 21. Are the girls you typically gravitate towards your age or a bit younger? Age has alot to do with it. Granted, there are 17 year olds who are mature and serious and 37 year old "players", but usually at a certain age people realize that they don't want to be alone forever and they're ready to stop playing and settle down. What's sad, is that these games are based upon master manipulation. Girls say and do things to get a certain reaction out of guys and the guys do the same thing. Usually though, guys and girls do it for different reasons. Girls do it for attention. Guys do it for sex. I think if people would break free from the self-seeking attitude that is driven by:

A) Giving in to sexual immorality
and
B) Expecting a partner to complete you instead of letting Christ cover that area first

then you would have alot less game playing.

Just my .02

 

[hazeleyes80]

Or perhaps mutual care and serving one another?

Personally, I see mutual respect as a precursor to what you're talking about. If two people don't respect each other, the mutual care and mutual serving of each other will be nonexistent or, at the very least, hindered significantly. I've both seen it happen and know it from personal experience.

 

[the_man]

You ever find those girls who think relationships are just a game? A dating game? (Especially those girls that know that they're good looking). That they can pick or choose the guys they want to date based on their performance and looks? I don't know about you, but this really bothers me. How can you rate guys like this? I can understand things like when the girl in question waits for the guy to make a move, but not this. Maybe you ladies out there can give me some insight on this issue.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, for myself, I don't do too well when it comes to the "performing' arena. I am who I am, and I like to come humbly into a relationship and have serious discussions about Christ, that's my passion. But I've come across many ladies out there that think relationship are just a game. Is this common? I mean, were playing with people's heartstrings here, friendship or otherwise, how can people go about it like its all for fun?

I don't know about you, but I'm a pretty serious guy when it comes to relationships; I like to be the one that people come to rely on when they need advice or help or just someone to talk to, and that means I usually don't take the role of " the funny one" or "charming talker", I just listen. That's what I'm good at. But, there have been times, for example, when a girl will ask, "Why don't you be more talkative?" It just frustrates me that people, especially someone I'm interested in, doesn't understand that, say, listening is just as important as talking.

Any insights?

Hmm, you said a lot here.

(I'll play advocate here) In defense of the "game", there is something of a "game" that goes on in the beginnings of what may be a relationship. However I do not like the term "game" because that means that in such an arena, there will be winners and unfortunate losers. I'd prefer the term "dance". There is a dance that goes on between and if one is not dancing...nothing happens. If one is dancing a slow dance and the other is doing the bugalo...not going to work.

Your "dancing style" is different from what the girl (the particular girl you are after) may want. That's not her fault anymore than it is yours.

About your listening skills, that's very good. But you do want to interact while you listen. Part of good listening is paying attention to details and asking follow up questions as a result. Is this what youa re doing? If you sit down to hear someone speak and don't speak back, that's not good listening.

All in all, cheer up mate. Your listening skills will be appreciated sooner rather than later.

 

[Tuffguy]

Those girls are GREAT. So easy to manipulate. LOL

Actually, they are good for something. They show you how great it is when you finally meet someone who isn't interested in games and actually just tells you how they feel.

 

[ChristianRocks]

ChristianRocks, I see that you are 21. Are the girls you typically gravitate towards your age or a bit younger?

I gravitate towards girls my own age, usually around the 20-22 age mark. Any older or younger and I think I'd be "out of my league".

Hmm, you said a lot here.

(I'll play advocate here) In defense of the "game", there is something of a "game" that goes on in the beginnings of what may be a relationship. However I do not like the term "game" because that means that in such an arena, there will be winners and unfortunate losers. I'd prefer the term "dance". There is a dance that goes on between and if one is not dancing...nothing happens. If one is dancing a slow dance and the other is doing the bugalo...not going to work.

Your "dancing style" is different from what the girl (the particular girl you are after) may want. That's not her fault anymore than it is yours.

About your listening skills, that's very good. But you do want to interact while you listen. Part of good listening is paying attention to details and asking follow up questions as a result. Is this what youa re doing? If you sit down to hear someone speak and don't speak back, that's not good listening.

All in all, cheer up mate. Your listening skills will be appreciated sooner rather than later.

Wow, that was quite the insight! I absolutely love your dance analogy. Gives me new perspective. Exactly what I needed to hear, thank you.

 

[the_man]

Wow, that was quite the insight! I absolutely love your dance analogy. Gives me new perspective. Exactly what I needed to hear, thank you.

Well I'm glad you were encouraged. Cheers.

Strength & Honor

 

[KeilCoppes]

... i would rather find someone who love me for all that i am, faults and all, and that means doing it my way--just being me. but i have accept the fact that not all people work that way and there will be many disappointments along the way.

Most people don't realize that you can't be married for a long time without seeing the real person. They .will. see you for who you are. As you said, wouldn't it be better if they fell in love with who you really are?

It is worlds better to be a warm real self than a larger than you are bubble that pops when reality comes to live with you.

 

[Peculiarone]

Why play games? Just be real, be who you are and who you are called to be. Games are for the unlearnt. Let's just stand up and be mature in our relationships.

 

[Living4Him03]

*sigh*...so much to say. Where do I start? First of all, there are high maintenance, snooty, annoying, ultra socialites out there (95% of undergraduate women) that I cannot stand. I'm not perfect, but the good Lord did bless me with common sense and the ability to be humbled. Some women are simply immature, especially if you are 21 and dating younger girls. They don't know what they want and aren't really ready for a serious relationship, at least most are not. As for "performing", that's something you worry about within the confines of marriage lol.

 

[jan003]

Sorry but dating is a game...and it isn't one that God meant for any of us to play. And I'm shocked that so many christians are so caught up in dating ...

ChristianRocks,

I agree with a lot of the other comments that were made. And I'm understand where you are coming from. But you have to come to a point where you decided to trust God and not make a relationship happen with your flesh. But if you choose to put yourself in the dating game you're going to have to put up with a lot of so called "shallowness'. I'm kind of like you and I think that in the long run dating will just hurt your self-esteem. The "personality" God gave you will not form a compatible relationship with everybody. And every person is SO different and you will have to "change" yourself to fit with all the WRONG people that you choose to date.

You need to face the fact that those girls who didn't want you weren't meant for you. They might appear shallow to you but at least they know what they want. Like it or not you also have a "type" that appeals to you.

Personally, guys have always wanted to use me as a "trophy" girlfriend... thankfully I was wise enough to know that dating isn't appropiate. Because I didn't date, guys thought I was stuck up but I trusted God enough to know better than to jump from relationship to relationship in search of the right guy for me. When I do marry, my husband will receive a woman that is pure and emotionally whole.

 

[persianboy]

Those who play with hearts, You reap what you sow... But go to your church singles group and find a God fearing woman who has the qualities you seek, and explain to her what type of person you are so that clarity is gained. But remember the foundation of any succesful relationship is communication! Good luck, I love you all

 

[persianboy]

Sorry but dating is a game...and it isn't one that God meant for any of us to play. And I'm shocked that so many christians are so caught up in dating ...

ChristianRocks,

I agree with a lot of the other comments that were made. And I'm understand where you are coming from. But you have to come to a point where you decided to trust God and not make a relationship happen with your flesh. But if you choose to put yourself in the dating game you're going to have to put up with a lot of so called "shallowness'. I'm kind of like you and I think that in the long run dating will just hurt your self-esteem. The "personality" God gave you will not form a compatible relationship with everybody. And every person is SO different and you will have to "change" yourself to fit with all the WRONG people that you choose to date.

You need to face the fact that those girls who didn't want you weren't meant for you. They might appear shallow to you but at least they know what they want. Like it or not you also have a "type" that appeals to you.

Personally, guys have always wanted to use me as a "trophy" girlfriend... thankfully I was wise enough to know that dating isn't appropiate. Because I didn't date, guys thought I was stuck up but I trusted God enough to know better than to jump from relationship to relationship in search of the right guy for me. When I do marry, my husband will receive a woman that is pure and emotionally whole.

If there were only more women out there like you who want to reserve such quality for their future husband...