She makes me nervous

[looking4joy]

I love my girlfriend, and I couldn't imagine living my life without her being my girlfriend. But, I find she's a big source of my anxiety. She's got problems with her ex-husband, her 20 yr old daughter who moved away from the area with a 57 year old she met on the internet, her finances, her health... I love her, but I get so frustrated because most of the talk is focused on these problems, not on positive things. I try to encourage her but it's too big for me. I pray alot that things would smooth out for her. Sometimes I think I bit off more than I can chew. I met her at a church where she was crying because of her situation then, and I wanted to be her friend to help her along. Then we got closer and she's my girlfriend now.

Thing is I know how tough life can be, and I sympathize with her. But I start getting less and less interested in marriage (we are not engaged at this point) and more interested in allowing a friendship. That's sad for me, and for her too. I just wish I had bigger wings to shadow her in her bad times.

Time to draw more boundaries? Or time to start the grieving process in letting her go?

 

[CounselorForChrist]

This is my advice, not an answer really. But I was engaged to a woman who had a child and and ex-husband. From day one she always talked about the past, especially her husband. Obviously when she would talk about her child (who was 9) I could understand because they child was young.

I was nieve enough to stay with her (she was verbally and mentally abusive) among others things. But after she left me I looked back and realized that she pretty much NEVER talked about the future or our future really. Ity was always about her past or about her. When I talked it was like she would maybe make a comment then chang eit back to her past again. >.<

So to me if you are with someone and want a future then the talk should be more about the future. Its ok to talk about the past but it shoulldn't be the only subject.

 

[iambren]

Find someone with less baggage. Sounds cold but to go in and crash with bad nerves is doing nobody any favors, especially you.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Thing is I know how tough life can be, and I sympathize with her. But I start getting less and less interested in marriage (we are not engaged at this point) and more interested in allowing a friendship. That's sad for me, and for her too. I just wish I had bigger wings to shadow her in her bad times.

Honestly, this is why White Knighting is never a good thing. Regardless of the intentions, most people wanna play the hero and "be there" for the hurt female both on purpose or inadvertently. You got involved with someone who has a lot of baggage... what did you honestly expect? For you to make everything all better and her to just move on and away from the problems?

 

[seeingeyes]

I love my girlfriend, and I couldn't imagine living my life without her being my girlfriend. But, I find she's a big source of my anxiety. She's got problems with her ex-husband, her 20 yr old daughter who moved away from the area with a 57 year old she met on the internet, her finances, her health... I love her, but I get so frustrated because most of the talk is focused on these problems, not on positive things. I try to encourage her but it's too big for me. I pray alot that things would smooth out for her. Sometimes I think I bit off more than I can chew. I met her at a church where she was crying because of her situation then, and I wanted to be her friend to help her along. Then we got closer and she's my girlfriend now.

Thing is I know how tough life can be, and I sympathize with her. But I start getting less and less interested in marriage (we are not engaged at this point) and more interested in allowing a friendship. That's sad for me, and for her too. I just wish I had bigger wings to shadow her in her bad times.

Time to draw more boundaries? Or time to start the grieving process in letting her go?

If she is old enough to have a 20 year old daughter, then she is old enough to recognize how her actions/emotions affect those around her. Have you talked to her very specifically about how you feel?

If you do end up getting married, you are going to have to do the hard work of being honest anyway, so you may as well start now. And if you don't end up getting married, a least she will have a clear idea why, and won't waste her time wondering what went wrong.