Sexuality and Self-Image

[Laurel Crowned]

For years I struggled with porn until coming to CF. I've also struggled with masturbation. One of the reasons I struggle in these areas is childhood incest issues. Another is that I've been filling bored minutes with ungodly things. The last one is tied to my self-image. I've always thought of myself as over-weight and unattractive. I haven't always been either and have been told at times that I have been quite pretty. But when I look in the mirror I see fat and ugly. I never think that any guy is ever really going to love me. This fuels my depression (I'm bipolar)... which in turn prompts me to try to fill a very legitimate need for intimacy in an illegitimate way. I used to compulsively read romance novels (in the old days as many as 10 in a weekend). Now I don't read them so much. I actually don't want to read them because I know how they start me on a slippery slope into inappropriate sexual behavior.

I want to see me as God sees me. He does not define me by my body image or the things I do with or to my body. I have more worth to Him than the sexual pleasure I can give to myself or to others. This has been something I've been holding on to with a death grip. I KNOW sexual sin is a sin again my own body and thus a great sin against God. How can I move beyond this sin in my life and pursue purity? I've tried prayer, journaling, scripture reading. I haven't tried fasting because I'm on medication that wouldn't support a fast.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[kingzjewel]

try reading books about helping your self image. td jakes has some very loving books about "God's leading lady" and such...they will definitely help you to become more aware of yourself as beautiful and worthwhile.

 

[DoseOFReality]

Lauren, thanks for your post. This really got to my heart.

Whether you are a man or a woman, affirmation from a father is critical. How was your relationship with your dad? Because often times the way you view your dad is the way you view God.

Has he ever told you that he loves you very much? Or has he abused you?

Either way, you need to come to realization that God loves you very much. This is such an overstated statement, but it is that critical. You need to not just know it, but realize he really does. "Where the spirit of the lord is, there is freedom."

Your pornography and masturbation is no more than unintended sin that comes from the sin package you bought when you said to yourself that God doesnt really love you.

Unfortunately, this is what most women goes through in today's period. This is a problem at the core of your heart. Don't try to "read" yourself out of this. What you need is healing and great revelation from God. You need to talk to your pastor WITH A FEMALE ACCOUNTABILITY. Your pastors are there to serve God and God will come through for you. He always does.

 

[Laurel Crowned]

try reading books about helping your self image. td jakes has some very loving books about "God's leading lady" and such...they will definitely help you to become more aware of yourself as beautiful and worthwhile.

Thanks for this suggestion. I've never read the book and will get it as a christmas present to me.

 

[Laurel Crowned]

Thank you to people who have posted a response or PMed me. Your words of support and advice have touched me. May God bless you as you have sought to bless me.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Actually, that is a good suggestion, I've found the best way to overcome a problem is attacking it with good godly teaching on that very topic.

 

[madison1101]

I could have written your original post. Right now, I am struggling with the pornography and masturbation. I am extremely obese. I was married and am now divorced. I was molested as a teenager, and was sexually acting out through high school.

I feel so hopeless at times in ever getting victory over this issue.

 

[Laurel Crowned]

I could have written your original post. Right now, I am struggling with the pornography and masturbation. I am extremely obese. I was married and am now divorced. I was molested as a teenager, and was sexually acting out through high school.

I feel so hopeless at times in ever getting victory over this issue.

Madison,

The only thing I can speak to with an surety is that God delivered me from the pornography. I believe by faith that he will deliver you as well. I haven't had the victory over the masturbation... but it is written that we are "more than conquerors." Weight is a major issue for me, and while I'm not extremely obese... I understand how size really affects our self-esteem.

I will stand in the gap for you Madison. I have another friend here on CF who struggles with depression like I do. Whenever I start to feel depressed I start praying for her. I've asked that she do the same for me. It's a prayer based accountability of sorts. I will pray for you when I am tempted to struggle. I will ask God to help you in your struggles with the all the issues resulting from your sexual abuse. I believe he will answer our prayers.

 

[LegacyOfLove]

For anyone who has ever experienced incest or molestation, it really has long-term affects, none of the least of which is how it affects your self-esteem. It also teaches you from very early on "that this sexual act....is what you are worth...this is your avenue to approval from the opposite sex...and a measure of your worthiness as a person."

Have you sought any counselling in dealing with your issues? Have you talked with your pastor?

I would say that you should definately work on your self-esteem. Start seeing yourself as the beautiful jewel that God created. Replace the messages that have wrongly been grilled into you that tell you to feel "worthless" or "unattractive" or "undesireable".

Realize that what was done TO you was NOT your fault.

And do you recognize the patterns in your life? When you were younger and being abused, you had no choice or say in the matter. As you became older, you continued the cycle on your own...no longer being a child who's abused by someone else....you allow your body to continue to be "used". Whenever you act out in a sexually inappropriate way...does it feel like you are self-medicating the pain/anxiety...if even just for a moment?

Incest can be very emotionally crippling to its victim, but there is hope in God! He can help you turn this around. And you can be certain that you are PRECIOUS in HIS sight! He loves you and would never hurt you! He loves you and accepts you just as you are! He does NOT see you as flawed or worthless! He loves YOU so much that He sent His only son to cover all of your sins...and to take all of your pain upon Himself...so that you might be free. If you can do nothing else at this point; please consider what I just said...and start seeing yourself and the value of your life...the way that God does!

God Bless YOU!!

 

[madison1101]

I have been blessed by being in psychotherapy and having a discipleship friendship with a Godly woman who is so wise and loving.

In the past fifteen years I have read some terrific books. Neil Anderson's Bondage Breaker and Victory Over the Darkness are two. Robert McGee's "the Search for Significance is very powerful. I bought it for all my kids. Beth Moore has a great Bible Study called Breaking Free, finding freedom from strongholds.

I am one to tackle an issue headon, and sometimes I find myself frustrated because I tackle and forget to ask the Lord to go with me and do it in my own strength and then crash and burn. Gotta remember to take the Lord with me.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[ascribe2thelord]

For years I struggled with porn until coming to CF. I've also struggled with masturbation. One of the reasons I struggle in these areas is childhood incest issues. Another is that I've been filling bored minutes with ungodly things. The last one is tied to my self-image. I've always thought of myself as over-weight and unattractive. I haven't always been either and have been told at times that I have been quite pretty. But when I look in the mirror I see fat and ugly. I never think that any guy is ever really going to love me. This fuels my depression (I'm bipolar)... which in turn prompts me to try to fill a very legitimate need for intimacy in an illegitimate way. I used to compulsively read romance novels (in the old days as many as 10 in a weekend). Now I don't read them so much. I actually don't want to read them because I know how they start me on a slippery slope into inappropriate sexual behavior.

I want to see me as God sees me. He does not define me by my body image or the things I do with or to my body. I have more worth to Him than the sexual pleasure I can give to myself or to others. This has been something I've been holding on to with a death grip. I KNOW sexual sin is a sin again my own body and thus a great sin against God. How can I move beyond this sin in my life and pursue purity? I've tried prayer, journaling, scripture reading. I haven't tried fasting because I'm on medication that wouldn't support a fast.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

You may also want to try this thread in the bipolar forum. Not to say that it doesn't belong here.