Sexual Abuse

[Kati1104]

This is my first post and I hope that I am making the right choice with talking about this.

I am 26 years old and I was sexually abused by my now ex-step dad from the time I was in Kindergarten all the way to my freshman year when he left my mom. I tried telling my mom when I was younger and she never believed me. I have kept it a secret and it is slowly tearing me apart. I can't have relationship last more than a week because I get scared and push the person away. I feel so dirty and all I can think about is cutting. I have tried to end my life a few times and only got pushed away from my family. My mom always told me that I was just trying to get attention and everything I have said to her about him was just a lie. It hurts so bad knowing that your mom does not believe that her ex-husband did this to me.

I have no communication with the person but he does work at a local christian radio station around town. I HATE that he works there and it makes me angry at God.

I just need someone to talk to. Can someone help me? I have heard from people that talking about things like this is the best thing, but I do not have anyone in my life that I trust with this. I want to change my ways. I don't want to cut anymore but that seems to be my only true friend I have.

Thanks,
Kati

 

[Johnnz]

You do need to talk and be supported.

Maybe an odd question, but do you think you may have sort of 'divided' over the period you were abused, as it did go on for a long time?

You can't PM yet until you post a few more times, but feel free to do that if you want to.

John
NZ

 

[Spunkn]

Really sorry you had to go through that sort of thing. Even worse that it went on for so long. Then to go and tell your mother and she didn't believe you. Just makes it worse.

I don't know that I can be a big help, but I'm always willing to listen and talk with people.

 

[loveinvasion]

Hey, yeah I you want someone to talk to im here for you, even tho I don't know you,i believe you 100%,i can relate if you wanna message me. And your right for letting out, but you're wrong for being mad at GOD. Please please private message me or something I got over the things I went through so I know there's help for you. Don't hurt yourself, and absolutely DO NOT FORSAKE THE LORD!

 

[MIRIAMSYNDROME]

THIS HAPPENED TO ME, BY SEVERAL DIFFERENT PEOPLE, ONE A FAMILY MEMBER, ANOTHER A DEACON IN OUR CHURCH, TEACHER, PRINCIPAL....GOES ON....YOU ARE NOT ALONE, THERE ARE MANY, NEVER BE ANGRY WITH GOD FOR MAN'S EVILNESS, HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.HE LOVES YOU, AND HE HAS PLACE PREPARED FOR US WHERE ALL OF THIS WILL GO AWAY. THINK ABOUT SEEKING OUT PEOPLE GOING HROUGH THE SAME THING, AND PRAYING FOR ONE ANOTHER, AS YOU HELP OTHERS YOU WILL HELP YOURSELF. ARE YOU SAVED? FIRST THING YOU NEED, THEN YOU ARE CLEAN, WHITER THAN SNOW. IN Christ LOVE PERSUE PEACE...IT WASNT YOUR FAULT .

 

[never4now]

Unfortunately leaders in the church can be predators who intentionally place themselves in a position so they have the opportunity to abuse. I grew up in churches my entire life and saw it time after time, even rings of pedophiles operating in churches. I think its important to separate them from true believers and from our view of God. Difficult to do but I think being honest about our anger towards God and our confusion is a good first step. I'm sorry this happened to you and I pray you are able to start taking steps towards healing. It is a daily, hourly, sometimes minutely choice to not dwell on the pain and drown in it. PM me if you want to talk more.