Sex

[Birthew]

Hi guys, I've recently had a look on the male forums and I see that many guys are having a problem with sex. I'm a bit confused, what is allowed by the bible and whats not? If they have girlfriends I know intercourse is only allowed during marriage but can they not engage in sexual contact? What is allowed and whats not?

And why are so many Christians having a problem with it? I thought we need to have sexual urges in order to reproduce? Are Christians not allowed to explore these?

 

[Annoula]

when people married at their 15 and younger than that, sex was not a big problem because they already had their spouse at the age the hormones hit red.
unfortunately in modern times, when people get married over 20 or 30 things get tricky.

sorry have to go. i hope i get back later.

 

[Hakan101]

Wow now that I think about it what Annoula says makes a lot of sense.

God intended us to have sex in marriage. Marriage is something holy that symbolizes Christ and his church. Sex is an act of love, but if you take away the marriage (aka the holiness), it becomes lust. When men insist on having sex (instead of getting married), it suggests they are just lusting for the woman, not loving her. They know that marriage is a lifelong covenant, and they don't want to do that, what they want is the woman's body.

 

[Annoula]

Hi guys, I've recently had a look on the male forums and I see that many guys are having a problem with sex. I'm a bit confused, what is allowed by the bible and whats not? If they have girlfriends I know intercourse is only allowed during marriage but can they not engage in sexual contact? What is allowed and whats not?

And why are so many Christians having a problem with it? I thought we need to have sexual urges in order to reproduce? Are Christians not allowed to explore these?

i can't tell you what the bible allows and what not. i don't believe it's like "you can do that, but not this".
sexual contact in general is seen as something materialistic thus it's not the best thing to do .

christians are supposed to focus on non materialistic issues with the other sex and when they believe they have found someone that they can live with, they marry her/him and go on with sex.

that's the general notion, but a lot of christians do not follow it of course, because we are all human beings and our hormones play hard games on us. that's why we have repentance, so we can ask for forgiveness and start again for something better.

also, we are unable to separate sex from love. for me it's easier because in greek there are two different terms but i think in english we tend to use the word "sex".
sex is just that sex, and it's not welcome by our church.
on the other hand "love" (eg. make love) includes emotions that should exist in a loving relationship that will be fulfilled when the two bodies unite. a soul unity (if i can call it that way) is ok outside of marriage but the body unity should be left for after the marriage.

i don't know if i was of any help, i hope so....

 

[Birthew]

How come Christians do not marry younger? It just seems there fighting a losing battle against there developing hormones. What has been said makes sense to me, but then why is it so hard to control our hormones. If we have free will and we really don't want too do something, are the chemicals in our body in control of us?

 

[Helmut-WK]

Hi guys, I've recently had a look on the male forums and I see that many guys are having a problem with sex. I'm a bit confused, what is allowed by the bible and whats not? If they have girlfriends I know intercourse is only allowed during marriage but can they not engage in sexual contact? What is allowed and whats not?

There is no catalogue in the bible, so any teaching of what is allowed and what's not is an interpretation.

Sex and erotic have the function to express love (and, yes, to reproduce). So the degree of intimacy between two lovers should be in accord with the strength of their relationship (and intercourse should be restricted to marriage).

And why are so many Christians having a problem with it? I thought we need to have sexual urges in order to reproduce? Are Christians not allowed to explore these?

Just "exploring" without a constant relationship is unfaithfullness, and Christians should not be unfaithful (remember that marriage and sexual love is a picture of the love between God and man, so unfaithful has certain connotations ...).

If a couple sure both will stay together for the rest of their life, they should marry. When they are not sure, they should not do anything they will regret in case they part.

Unfortunately, there is a growing gap between between sexual maturation and marriage age. Maturation begins earlier than 100 years ago, on the other hand the idea that a couple should be economically independent of their parents let the people postpone marriage. This is generally so, not specific Christian (Christians just follow he trend).

In former centuries, most people married at an age where they found it natural to get advise from their parents whom they should marry (though that doesn't mean all was well in this model, as you can easily detect reading old novels). Modern individualism has made this model obsolete, up to the point that most adults have no idea how to judge whether a young couple will be a good fit or not.

The modern individualism also makes it more difficult for a couple to stay together (but the merits and collateral damages of individualism in general is a wide field I don't want to enter here).

Another source of problems is the reluctancy of some Christians to speak openly about sex.

 

[Helmut-WK]

If we have free will and we really don't want too do something, are the chemicals in our body in control of us?

Well, the Bible tells that Sin is a power, stronger than the will of a human...

 

[Birthew]

There is no catalogue in the bible, so any teaching of what is allowed and what's not is an interpretation.

Sex and erotic have the function to express love (and, yes, to reproduce). So the degree of intimacy between two lovers should be in accord with the strength of their relationship (and intercourse should be restricted to marriage).


Just "exploring" without a constant relationship is unfaithfullness, and Christians should not be unfaithful (remember that marriage and sexual love is a picture of the love between God and man, so unfaithful has certain connotations ...).

If a couple sure both will stay together for the rest of their life, they should marry. When they are not sure, they should not do anything they will regret in case they part.

Unfortunately, there is a growing gap between between sexual maturation and marriage age. Maturation begins earlier than 100 years ago, on the other hand the idea that a couple should be economically independent of their parents let the people postpone marriage. This is generally so, not specific Christian (Christians just follow he trend).

In former centuries, most people married at an age where they found it natural to get advise from their parents whom they should marry (though that doesn't mean all was well in this model, as you can easily detect reading old novels). Modern individualism has made this model obsolete, up to the point that most adults have no idea how to judge whether a young couple will be a good fit or not.

The modern individualism also makes it more difficult for a couple to stay together (but the merits and collateral damages of individualism in general is a wide field I don't want to enter here).

Another source of problems is the reluctancy of some Christians to speak openly about sex.

So it seems our hormones are coming into play to early? If god wanted us to marry, why not only have our hormones activate once a couple are married?

 

[ciaradawn]

God doesn't come in and change our body chemistry to make things easier for us. We are this way because of sin. In eden after they sinned God said that things would now be harder for them and that included the relationship between man and woman.

 

[Annoula]

How come Christians do not marry younger? It just seems there fighting a losing battle against there developing hormones. What has been said makes sense to me, but then why is it so hard to control our hormones. If we have free will and we really don't want too do something, are the chemicals in our body in control of us?

there are good questions.
christians don't marry younger because they have to go to school, maybe to college, find a job, earn some money to start a family, like all other people do. it's the norm of our modern life.

our material body is the consequence of our fallen state so it's what we have to control and use as the temple of God. we should respect it and take care of it. we should treat it nice and not abuse it in any way. we should love our body but not as a lustful object, on the contrary we should love it as a temple of God.

nothing is easy in this life. we have to sit for exams if we want to go to university. well, hormonal games of our body can be seen as an exam. whatever mark we get... we just go on. we proceed to the next level or we fail and try again.

 

[Helmut-WK]

So it seems our hormones are coming into play to early? If god wanted us to marry, why not only have our hormones activate once a couple are married?

Without hormones, there would probably be no marriage at all

Maybe a better view were that marriage comes too late?

as I have said, this has to do with our society, from long schooling until you can start to earn our own money to individualism (we no longer live in enlarged 3-generation families ...).

Ultimately it has to do with the fallen nature of man. In a ideal world, parents would always seek the best for their children, find the ideal marriage partner, and everybody will help the couple to stay together.

But we don't live in paradise, so that model will not work perfect (it didn't so in former centuries, it doesn't so in other cultures ...).

 

[Observer]

I disagree with the notion that sex is just "okay" or "acceptable" in marriage. Like, it's best not to do it at all but if you have to then go ahead, you're not sinning.

Come on! Sex should be awesome, amazing, fulfilling... you should get turned on by your husband/wife, do it and be satisfied! Nothing wrong with any of it to me. God created sex, we're supposed to do it. He obviously didn't create it to be just tolerable, it's supposed to be great!

I also don't view sex as materialistic either. Of course it can be, when people have meaningless sex. But between a loving husband and wife - I don't view sex as materialistic, I think it is a spiritual thing.

I don't think any sexual act is wrong between a husband/wife unless it involves other people or causes some kind of bodily harm or something. Though you will come across people who say oral sex is wrong, anal sex is a sin etc. I think if someone is confused about these issues then they should seek the answers by praying to God because you will get all kinds of different answers from people.

 

[Helmut-WK]

I disagree with the notion that sex is just "okay" or "acceptable" in marriage.

Did anybody say this here? I can't recall any such a post.

Come on! Sex should be awesome, amazing, fulfilling... you should get turned on by your husband/wife, do it and be satisfied! Nothing wrong with any of it to me. God created sex, we're supposed to do it. He obviously didn't create it to be just tolerable, it's supposed to be great!

There is a scriptural proof for it. In ancient Israel, a man that had marriaged recently was allowed to stay home. This law is twice in the Pentateuch, and the reason given for this law differs:
In one instance, the marriage is set in a row with other things a person can enjoy (e.g. planting a vineyard and waiting for the wine to ripen, and drinking the wine), in the other instance, it is said the man should make his wife happy.

I don't think any sexual act is wrong between a husband/wife unless it involves other people or causes some kind of bodily harm or something.

I'm not sure. In Rom 1:26-27 Paul compares certain women with men having sex with men. Depending on how you interpret the words, these women are either lesbian, or they are engaged in the sex practice of man-2-man intercourse. Looking into the customs of that era, you will soon detect this practise was what is still called the "Greek" way, i.e. anal.

 

[ishallbefree10]

How come Christians do not marry younger? It just seems there fighting a losing battle against there developing hormones. What has been said makes sense to me, but then why is it so hard to control our hormones. If we have free will and we really don't want too do something, are the chemicals in our body in control of us?

The chemicals in our bodys are in control of us. I dont think marrying at a young age is a good thing, its hard to know the meaning of love when your 15. I dont understand why premerital sex is such a bad thing. Sex is one of our strongest and most important instints i think you'll go crazy if you repressed it for so many years.

 

[Helmut-WK]

The chemicals in our bodys are in control of us. I dont think marrying at a young age is a good thing, its hard to know the meaning of love when your 15. I dont understand why premerital sex is such a bad thing.

Well, in biblical times the system was different:

• People married young, almost every nubile woman was married, so premarital sex without adultery was rare.
• Every couple was backed up by its social environment (relatives, neighbors), so it was easier to stay together.
• Everybody knew love was nothing that stays automatically. While we are told to marry the one we love, they were told to love the one they married, and got (if needed) practical hints how to enlarge and stay alive the love in marriage.

Sex is one of our strongest and most important instints i think you'll go crazy if you repressed it for so many years.

This is a myth. I had no intercourse until I married at 37, starting sex (petting etc.) with my fiancée about one year before.

I don't recommend that , but I did not got crazy.

 

[razeontherock]

If we have free will and we really don't want too do something, are the chemicals in our body in control of us?

Our heart is proven by our actions.