Sex education...

[rae72]

My husband and I attended a Family Life marriage conference a few weeks ago and I picked up the God's Design for Sex series while I was there. If you aren't familiar with it, it has different books for different stages of growing up that you read with your child. The books start from 3 -5, 5- 8, etc. I have a 3 year old boy and a 7 year old girl, so I read the first book to both of them. This book was great although I was apprehensive about using "real" terms for private parts. Anyway, I then read the second book with my 7 year old privately. This book adds some basic information about intercourse.
Before we started the book, I told her that the information we were going to discuss was private and I didn't want her sharing at school. I knew that this would be something she would do. For example, because my daughter is an advances learner, her teacher had sent home a cursive curriculum to work on at home... a few days later my daughter was trying to teach several classmates how to write in cursive. The teacher asked that she not do that since some of the kids are having trouble learning to print letters. So knowing how she is, I thought it would be best to tell her not to share the information and I did say because it was the other kid's parents responsibilty to have this discussion.
Well, tonight she tells me that she told her best friend about the book! I asked her what part she told about and she said that boy part goes in the girl part! UGH! I'm not sure what to do. I think she should be corrected for breaking her promise to me but at the same time I don't want to damage the communication between us. I want her to feel free to ask me questions about sex. I think I acted emotionally and was angry with her. I'm wondering if I should readdress the subject with her tomorrow.

What would you do?? Any suggestions?

Thanks!
Rae

 

[rae72]

Well shoot! No help. Well I told her this morning that I am upset that she broke my trust but not that she is curious about sex. I told her its a wonderful thing that God created for her and her future husband and that if she had questions that she should come to me.
Maybe someone will have an idea on what should happen when your child breaks trust. I'm not sure still!

 

[HeatherJay]

I think maybe you just need to impress upon her that this is something that is important for parents to discuss with their own children. That parents are the ones to choose when their own kids get this information. Because only a parent can know when a child is ready to learn about it.

I think perhaps it should be addressed not so much as a matter of broken trust, but as an issue of disobedience. If she was told, "you should not share this information with your friends...because it's something that parents should talk about with them, not friends"...then she should not have done so. But if the lines were blurred between "this is a secret between you and mommy" and "do not repeat this information to your friends" then maybe she just did not understand how necessary it was not to share.

The concept of trust and promises is an abstract one. Probably better to stick to straight commands if it's something that you want to make sure she understands. Or at the least, "this is something that we only talk about here at home...no where else." But I kind of shy away from "secret keeping" just because, while there are things that shouldn't be said or shared, and confidences should not be broken, I don't want to my children to get too attached to the idea of keeping secrets.

 

[rae72]

Thank you for responding. I agree with you completely about the secret keeping and I wasn't intending to make it seem like a secret. I may not have communicated that to her correctly. I think my whole point it talking about sex early and honestly is to remove the "secrets!" Your right, I should have just treated it as disobedience instead of making it a trust issue!
Oh, if kid's only knew how hard bing a parent is!
Thanks!
Rae Ann

 

[HeatherJay]

LOL, I totally hear you. I have 2 little girls (10 and 7) and sex education is also something that I've approached from a young age with them. Because I don't want them to feel embarrassed when they have a question, and because I want them to know they can trust me to be the one they can always talk to no matter what.

Sounds like you're doing an awesome job. Welcome to Christian Forums, btw.