Sex before marriage

[MissZelda]

Hi,

I am new to the site so I am sorry if I am posting in the wrong area.
Myself and my partner have been together for 7 months.
He has been a Christian all his life and is a church leader and youth leader.
I joined the church at the start of the year and have been twice a week, every week since then. I am still very much on my journey at the moment.
My partner and I have had a sexual relationship since the start however last week he said he would like us to now wait for marriage.
He said he believes God brought us together and wants to bless out relationship and we need to be in a place for him to do that.
I believe this also and I am excited for our journey together and to really get to know God.
I believe we are meant to be together and we will be married one day.
However we are both finiding it hard at the moment. We are stuggling with how to be around each other and how to build the intimicy in a different way.
Both of us are commited to this journey but are just feeling distant with each other.
Our relationship has been happy for the last 7 months and now a part of that is changing and its hard to adapt to this.
Does anyone have any words of encouragement, advice or any information I can read on anything similar.
Rebuilding that connection with a partner, anything.

Thank you in advance

 

[Call me Nic]

Hi,

I am new to the site so I am sorry if I am posting in the wrong area.
Myself and my partner have been together for 7 months.
He has been a Christian all his life and is a church leader and youth leader.
I joined the church at the start of the year and have been twice a week, every week since then. I am still very much on my journey at the moment.
My partner and I have had a sexual relationship since the start however last week he said he would like us to now wait for marriage.
He said he believes God brought us together and wants to bless out relationship and we need to be in a place for him to do that.
I believe this also and I am excited for our journey together and to really get to know God.
I believe we are meant to be together and we will be married one day.
However we are both finiding it hard at the moment. We are stuggling with how to be around each other and how to build the intimicy in a different way.
Both of us are commited to this journey but are just feeling distant with each other.
Our relationship has been happy for the last 7 months and now a part of that is changing and its hard to adapt to this.
Does anyone have any words of encouragement, advice or any information I can read on anything similar.
Rebuilding that connection with a partner, anything.

Thank you in advance

You both must learn to put God first in your relationship, which it sounds like you guys are off to a good start in regards to repenting from what you were doing. Might I suggest now that, after being forgiven by the Lord, that you both commit your time together (outside of church) to reading the Bible, studying it together, and worshipping together. If either of you play an instrument, try to learn some hymns. If not, youtube them.

Outside of godly fellowship, go for walks in a park and talk about each other to each other, talk about what you guys both have as future goals. Just get to know each other emotionally and spiritually as much as possible. For both of you, to love Christ first is to love each other unconditionally.

One tool Satan uses is to invoke the passions and lust of the flesh against one another, so that love is tossed out from the equation, and infatuation becomes the motivator. At that point, the relationship ceases to be spiritually and emotionally intimate with unconditional love, and then begins to become selfish, which Satan then uses to destroy the relationship. So, don't let that happen again, because the temptation is now greater than it was before in the fact that you both have done it for a while previously.

I hope you guys are able to keep yourselves until marriage in that you will have a more blessed relationship that way. God bless.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

You are 'married' already, so stay committed for life, trusting the Heavenly Father to work all things out His Way. (If you are willing, He Will)

What God has JOINED TOGETHER (you two are one flesh already),
let not man break up.

 

[Ken Rank]

You are 'married' already, so stay committed for life, trusting the Heavenly Father to work all things out His Way. (If you are willing, He Will)

What God has JOINED TOGETHER (you two are one flesh already),
let not man break up.

I actually tend to view it this way as well. Once you have had relations like that, if the couple of committed to one another for life, that is all a biblical marriage is. But... it doesn't sound like they went into this with that in mind and that makes it more difficult.

I would wonder if they are ready now to make that commitment? If yes, I would... because once the physical door has been opened, it is almost not possible to close it again without animosity building up.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Hi,

I am new to the site so I am sorry if I am posting in the wrong area.
Myself and my partner have been together for 7 months.
He has been a Christian all his life and is a church leader and youth leader.
I joined the church at the start of the year and have been twice a week, every week since then. I am still very much on my journey at the moment.
My partner and I have had a sexual relationship since the start however last week he said he would like us to now wait for marriage.
He said he believes God brought us together and wants to bless out relationship and we need to be in a place for him to do that.
I believe this also and I am excited for our journey together and to really get to know God.
I believe we are meant to be together and we will be married one day.
However we are both finiding it hard at the moment. We are stuggling with how to be around each other and how to build the intimicy in a different way.
Both of us are commited to this journey but are just feeling distant with each other.
Our relationship has been happy for the last 7 months and now a part of that is changing and its hard to adapt to this.
Does anyone have any words of encouragement, advice or any information I can read on anything similar.
Rebuilding that connection with a partner, anything.

Thank you in advance

...just get married sometime in the next six months and get on with your lives. If you both really love each other AND have Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, this shouldn't be too much of a hurdle to jump over.

In this case, just do it! Tie that knot!

Peace,
2PhiloVoid

 

[Saucy]

The difficult part is understanding that your relationship was built on sex. You got physical early and that can create an intense bond. Now you have to push away the sex and build a relationship based on friendship. Once you cross that bridge, it's extremely difficult to stop doing it. You will have to make a personal promise to yourself and to God that you want to do the right thing.

You can also decide how you choose to spend your time. Less time alone anywhere and cuddling where things can happen, and more dates in public. Give a kiss goodnight instead of, "would you like to come in?" Be accountable to each other.

 

[joshua 1 9]

However we are both finiding it hard at the moment.

The only think I have ever found that works is prayer. Esp when we pray for each other.

 

[Halbhh]

Hi,

I am new to the site so I am sorry if I am posting in the wrong area.
Myself and my partner have been together for 7 months.
He has been a Christian all his life and is a church leader and youth leader.
I joined the church at the start of the year and have been twice a week, every week since then. I am still very much on my journey at the moment.
My partner and I have had a sexual relationship since the start however last week he said he would like us to now wait for marriage.
He said he believes God brought us together and wants to bless out relationship and we need to be in a place for him to do that.
I believe this also and I am excited for our journey together and to really get to know God.
I believe we are meant to be together and we will be married one day.
However we are both finiding it hard at the moment. We are stuggling with how to be around each other and how to build the intimicy in a different way.
Both of us are commited to this journey but are just feeling distant with each other.
Our relationship has been happy for the last 7 months and now a part of that is changing and its hard to adapt to this.
Does anyone have any words of encouragement, advice or any information I can read on anything similar.
Rebuilding that connection with a partner, anything.

Thank you in advance

All the answers above offer some useful things. Focus on Love. Think of it as courting if you like, and set a date. (I expect you need to plan to marry within a few months, but I'm not omniscient . Also, please begin praying each day the prayer Christ said for us to pray in Matthew chapter 6 -- earnestly, meaning every word, and with complete faith (Mark chapter 11) it will be given to you! Be sure to do what Christ said is the greatest commandment! because we know that "all things work together for the good of those that love the Lord."

 

[Greg J.]

Hi,

I am new to the site so I am sorry if I am posting in the wrong area.
Myself and my partner have been together for 7 months.
He has been a Christian all his life and is a church leader and youth leader.
I joined the church at the start of the year and have been twice a week, every week since then. I am still very much on my journey at the moment.
My partner and I have had a sexual relationship since the start however last week he said he would like us to now wait for marriage.
He said he believes God brought us together and wants to bless out relationship and we need to be in a place for him to do that.
I believe this also and I am excited for our journey together and to really get to know God.
I believe we are meant to be together and we will be married one day.
However we are both finiding it hard at the moment. We are stuggling with how to be around each other and how to build the intimicy in a different way.
Both of us are commited to this journey but are just feeling distant with each other.
Our relationship has been happy for the last 7 months and now a part of that is changing and its hard to adapt to this.
Does anyone have any words of encouragement, advice or any information I can read on anything similar.
Rebuilding that connection with a partner, anything.

Thank you in advance

Sorry to hear about this struggle. I'm not surprised this is terribly difficult. However, there is something you must examine with your partner. One of the effects of abstaining from premarital sex is to find out how compatible you really are and how much you really are willing to sacrifice for the other (also known as how much you really love each other). Lots of people are sexually compatible, so that's not an indication of who the best person is that God made for you to marry, but it very easily make two people feel good around each other regardless of their compatibility.

You are in a situation where each of you has the opportunity to humble yourselves before the Lord and ask him for help abstaining. Repent of your past sins; that is, commit to God (without promising him) that you will no longer have sex before marriage. If you can work out your relationship without sex, then you two very well may be made for each other. If you cannot, then either God isn't a high enough priority in one or both of your lives or you were not meant to marry (or you have an addiction to sex, which is unlikely, but would be reason enough to not marry for now). You need God's help for your marriage to be a happy one and for it to still be happy years from now after you both have changed into different people. Consider doing what God wants right now an investment in your future, one that is 100% guaranteed to pay off. Give abstaining from sex a life or death priority. It is very important right now to obey God—and God will reward you 100 times as much as what it cost you.

 

[dayhiker]

It wasn't clear to me what is causing you to feel less intimate?
I'm guessing if you do have sex without understanding the cause of why you are feeling separated that sex will actually seperate you even more in the long run.

 

[St. Helens]

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