seperation

My advice in this area usually gets me in trouble with around half the people around here, but what the heck here goes. Your wife is probably on the way out. As she is away she is slowly convincing herself its for the best for all involved. Trying to talk her out of this would be a waste of time and energy on your part. The best thing to do is withdraw from her, at which point she'll say bye or beg you to reconsider. If you tell her another woman has expressed interest or better yet she sees you spending time with another woman she is more likely to work to save your marriage. This advice is from what I've seen and been through. Everyone is different so my advice is not for everyone. Prayer helps, begging her to stay usually fails without exception.

Don't stay separated. Absence makes the heart go wander. Remember why you fell in love, and do those things again.

A certain amount of separation can be healthy for you, but you don't want to prolong it. On the other hand, it suggests that there's issues you should be working on. Definitely look into counseling.

Begging her to stay isn't very useful. Telling her the reasons for which you want her to stay might be.

Get counseling, tell her how you feel. Don't beg or be pathetic but you can be honest and say you love her a lot and want her to come home. But then let it drop. Spend quality time with her when you are together. Is there another man?

Dennis have you tried being firm with her? If they believe in your passion for them they will usually defer to you. Acting reasonable is boring to most women. Even the most introverted women will respond to passion for them because they want to feel their man is hot for them. If your dealings with her are in a malaise you may just have to switch gears and use some passion and authority. Visit her in person and saying 'You are coming and that is that!' or better yet! Try this silver bullet... Visit her unannounced at work, home, wherever and say the following with conviction and intense feeling '(her name) you have touched me at a deeper level than any other woman ever has. My love for you pierces the deepest level of my mind and heart. Because of that I do and always will love you more than anyone else I've ever known or will ever know. That's why I can't stay with you any longer. The feelings are too powerful for me to deal with so I'm leaving forever.' Then shut up and leave in a hurry, make tracks, DO NOT STICK AROUND, don't say even bye. Practice this until you sound convincing. After you leave she will pause for a bit before doing whatever it takes to get back with you. You are telling her she is special and creating intense feeling in you which you can't control. Women want their men to feel for them. If you have powerful feelings for her it is all the better. Then when you leave her with all the good feelings you have created still there but you are gone 'forever' she will chase you life you've never been chased in your life to keep you. Don't forget to thank me later.

desi said:

Dennis have you tried being firm with her? If they believe in your passion for them they will usually defer to you. Acting reasonable is boring to most women. Even the most introverted women will respond to passion for them because they want to feel their man is hot for them. If your dealings with her are in a malaise you may just have to switch gears and use some passion and authority. Visit her in person and saying 'You are coming and that is that!' or better yet! Try this silver bullet... Visit her unannounced at work, home, wherever and say the following with conviction and intense feeling '(her name) you have touched me at a deeper level than any other woman ever has. My love for you pierces the deepest level of my mind and heart. Because of that I do and always will love you more than anyone else I've ever known or will ever know. That's why I can't stay with you any longer. The feelings are too powerful for me to deal with so I'm leaving forever.' Then shut up and leave in a hurry, make tracks, DO NOT STICK AROUND, don't say even bye. Practice this until you sound convincing. After you leave she will pause for a bit before doing whatever it takes to get back with you. You are telling her she is special and creating intense feeling in you which you can't control. Women want their men to feel for them. If you have powerful feelings for her it is all the better. Then when you leave her with all the good feelings you have created still there but you are gone 'forever' she will chase you life you've never been chased in your life to keep you. Don't forget to thank me later.

Click to expand...

From a woman's standpoint, I wouldn't try that at ALL!!! If my husband tried that on me and then walked away, I'd take it as though he was walking out the door forever and no man on earth could get me to go running after him. I'd see him as the most selfish dog on earth to say something passionate and then say "it's too powerful to deal with so I'm leaving forever." What's that all about?? That doesn't compliment me, that says you're so stuck on your own misery you're going to ditch me for good and move on. I'd say "see ya" at that point, no matter how much it broke my heart.

I would say, following the Christian counselling route. And give your wife space to breathe and be there to reconcile any hurts you may have caused, be ready with valid apologies, but don't act like a whipped dog either and apologize for things you didn't do. Bathe it in prayer, tell her you love her, and then be in it for the long healing haul. If she sees your faithfulness to the marriage and the healing process, that will say 1000 x's more than trying to manipulate her feelings with ultimatisms and dramatics.

Jamida said:

From a woman's standpoint, I wouldn't try that at ALL!!! If my husband tried that on me and then walked away, I'd take it as though he was walking out the door forever and no man on earth could get me to go running after him. I'd see him as the most selfish dog on earth to say something passionate and then say "it's too powerful to deal with so I'm leaving forever." What's that all about?? That doesn't compliment me, that says you're so stuck on your own misery you're going to ditch me for good and move on. I'd say "see ya" at that point, no matter how much it broke my heart.

Click to expand...

From my experience most women would attempt to help their man work through such feelings because most women would take pity on a fellow experiencing such emotional turmoil from their intense love for her, you may be the exception.

Jamida said:

I would say, following the Christian counselling route. And give your wife space to breathe and be there to reconcile any hurts you may have caused, be ready with valid apologies, but don't act like a whipped dog either and apologize for things you didn't do. Bathe it in prayer, tell her you love her, and then be in it for the long healing haul. If she sees your faithfulness to the marriage and the healing process, that will say 1000 x's more than trying to manipulate her feelings with ultimatisms and dramatics.

Click to expand...

This is the same old stuff that does lots of marriages in because it is unmanly for a husband to act like a brother/friend. It emotionally puts most women to sleep despite what they say about wanting to feel and be understood by their man. I have yet to see women respond positively to a husband who will not be decisive. Working through things emotionally via counseling as suggested, amounts to abdicating a husbands leadership (masculine) role in the relationship, the act of which makes him unnecessary for the most part as that is his main role defined by the Bible. My advice is from observing relationships. My mother raised me to do the things Jamida recommends, I almost got divorced trying that stuff to get my wife back. After praying about it and reading the Bible I realized my society does not follow Biblical rules pertaining to marriage and divorce which is why there is so much divorce, women are dumping their men for nonBiblical reasons. I also found men are not supposed to act like women in our relationships by talking about everything-that is what womens' friends are for, we are to lead the marriage for their benefit. Once I became decisive things changed. Don't think I make all the decisions or make them without asking her. My wife probably makes more decisions about our family than I do but when something serious comes up like divorce, I tell her to 'go ahead and leave, find someone better than me and bring him by so I can congratulate him. Make sure he adopts the kids too.'

What you do wrong/right with most women does not matter as much as how you handle it. This is why jerks get hot women. If nice guys apply this principle it can help us in our relationships.

If you get caught up in right/wrong and understanding you will bog yourself down in endless drivel which will validate all of your wifes deserved and undeserved misgivings about you which will probably encourage her to divorce you or stay married to you without passion. If you don't believe me look at the posts here where couples have entered counseling and see how many of the marriages are still together.

desi said:

What you do wrong/right with most women does not matter as much as how you handle it. This is why jerks get hot women. If nice guys apply this principle it can help us in our relationships.

Click to expand...

I don't know why this stood out, but I know many 'hot women' who don't fall for the jerks. The difference is confidence. An example would be someone like Bono, he has the confidence and the 'edge' many women like, but he focuses it on social justice and helping people. I know strange example, but that's the kind of edginess the girls I know go for. I want a 'nice' man but it's 'confidence' that makes the difference

just my $.02

desi said:

From my experience most women would attempt to help their man work through such feelings because most women would take pity on a fellow experiencing such emotional turmoil from their intense love for her, you may be the exception.

Click to expand...

You're entitled to your opinion, but if you walk out on the woman after being "firm" with your emotions, how can she help if you're gone and she doesn't want to chase after you 'cause she thinks you called it quits??

Jamida said:

You're entitled to your opinion, but if you walk out on the woman after being "firm" with your emotions, how can she help if you're gone and she doesn't want to chase after you 'cause she thinks you called it quits??

Click to expand...

Usually in such a situation women do not think like that under those circumstances as most women are emotive rather than logical; hence, their focus is not on him saying he gives up so that's it, but on wanting him back. Emotive women believe they can make a difference despite what anyone says especially about things they are passionate about. How many women do you know who married men thinking they would change them in some way despite other people saying 'the guy won't change'? I've known many and they inevitable fail.