My wife and I have been together for 4 years, but have been married since Nov. We have had our ups and downs when we were dating..who doesnt right? I know when we first met there was mistakes I made, not like cheating or anything, and didnt hit her, not that far. But anyways we worked over it and we moved on. So about almost 3 weeks now her and i had a big big blow out, my back at home with my parents, i took what i can, and she is at home with her parents, BUT she is supposely "traveling" and her mom and i talk and she wont tell me where she is at and my wife wont either. i know her sister is with her and i narrowed down places that she has family but when i called her last night sounded like she was in a hotel room, and sometimes i call its loud around her. her mom said she doesnt call when she is on the road. i know she isnt driving because the car(s) are still here. i'm possibly thinking she's on a bus and going around? i dont know and its killing me not knowing where she is at! But now lately i'm suffering from really bad depression (i havnt been diagnosed, just feel it), my appitite is no where near where it used to, i hardly eat anymore, just drink (not alcohol!). My wife said i just need to get the divorce papers, stop talking to her, stop texting her, and get out of her life for good. this isnt my wife's normal attitude, shes always the kindest sweetest person ever, and is a good strong christain. i've been praying hard for her happiness, to heal her, and soften her heart, and to mend this hole. i managed to get her on her cell phone and talk for a little bit. i talked about how divorce is a sin and i dont want too do this and i really want to work it out. i even suggested we can still be seperated and take it slowly. she said no she said she'll find someone better than me. she told me good luck with my future and get out of her life. i LOOVVEEE my wife like nothing in this world, in the times of good i was always at her side showing affection, i did everything for her, and she did the same to me too...but i really want to save my marriage, she said there is no hope, and i'm in tears everyday and night. we have no kids either. i know i'm following what god wants me to do and i've tried telling her to please listen to god and i'll keep her always in my prayers and i'll always love her, but she doesnt listen..please i need some help, i want my life back. i did have a amazing experiance last night..i recieved the gift of tounges!! i was amazed and praised for a long time. the pastor sensed pain in me and asked me to pray and i was shocked he knew that, then moments later my body burned so much i was sweating! i told her my experiance and she said she doesnt believe me, and said if it is true then good for you..it broke my heart because she isnt here to see it. whats also worse pretty much all her family and friends knows what happend. her mom and my wife said that she should never talk to me again and suggested she leave town to get away from me..thats her side of the story she told, so not only do i have my wife hating me, but her side of the family...well from what i told her side of the family i dont know if this is 100% true or not. so please any help would be great and any tips on how to save my marriage! i believe a marriage is for life for better or for worse and i'm sticking by that!!
-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
Seperation and Depression...
- Thread starter Dalizar
- Start date
ShainaBrina
The joy of the Lord is my strength
Dalizar, your post leaves me with the impression that you were somehow abusive towards your wife. Am I correct in this?
If this is the case. The only possible way for you to heal this relationship is for you to start counseling. Once you have been through counselling and are able to show her the proof of your change then she may consider getting back together with you.
If this is the case. The only possible way for you to heal this relationship is for you to start counseling. Once you have been through counselling and are able to show her the proof of your change then she may consider getting back together with you.
Upvote
0
no i never abused her in anyway or hit ever in anyway, i would never, i was brought up with better morals. i however did lie to her a few times when we first dated, but that was long before this and at that time i believe in god but i wasnt on the right path and did whatever i wanted in life. my wife showed me the true right way. i do want to start counciling for myself, and i told her i want to have it for us as a couple too. but she wont see the changes because she doesnt want to see me anymore or ever speak to her again, she said she is SSOO angry and damaged..well what about me yea know?..i'm damaged and hurt too. she said i need to change, well if she wont see me now will she? before getting off the phone last night she said if its meant to be then its meant to be. she said she'll find someone alot better..yea know i dont like everything being pushed onto my end and her looking like the good one. but i am doing the right thing and i have admitted my faults to her and her parents (in-laws) and they arent mad at me, just sad at the situation in general. i'm getting closer to god too and will continue this path. i also told her that i will NOT let the devil win because he is entering our lives, and i told her to pray..she is very angry i was trying to get through to her. i said that divorce is a sin and we cannot let the devil in. i told her we can both start a new path together, becoming better people and stronger christains, and start anew. also reminded her god can move mountains and perform miracles. at this time she seemed like she was pulling through, then she went back tobeing really angry again. this conversation i was totally nice and calm, which i was because i had god with me. so i hope she sees the light soon because i miss our life together.
Upvote
0
our biggest issue is that i was suppose to leave for the Navy months ago, but my recruiter got court marshalled and i had to start over and it upset us both, and hurt her too because she was ready.
The BIG blow out happend when i was a work right, my cell phone kept ringing and ringing, and i was thinking to myself call me at work please because i cant answer the phone while on the clock. so i got fed up and answered. it was her mom..she was all sad and freaking out saying my wife was in a car accident. WELL i left work SO fast and half way to the hospital i get a call from my wife saying..where you at? i said i'm on my way to see you, are you ok, you fine, on your way home? she said yea i'm at your work i came in to see you surprisigly with mom (her mom that is). i was like what?!
My co-workers and the manager at the time was around her when she called and she couldnt believe what they told her that i told them for me too leave and i said YOUR MOTHER told me the story let me speak to my manager or your mom now! she said no!
What eerks me even more is that my wife and her mom are BEST FRIENDS, no joke, more than best friends it seems, they tell each other everything, yes even after we are married..kinda annoys me sometimes. so my wife believes her mom because waay in the past when we first dated i told her some lies to make me look good because i know she was better than me, but i was 14 or 15 at the time and then i was really not on a good track.
So i guess in her mom's mind its like well he done it again and this was big. so that night we had the blow out, i arugued with her mom saying i probably lost my job (which i didnt) and i lost my wife. she said i deserve it for saying that, and i said i had someone next to me that heard you say it all, she said yea right who? which there was someone next to me and that person has tried to talk to my wife. see i have done nothing wrong, her mom is like 50/50 with me, yea she loves me like a son, but she can hate me at the same time. her mom ruined my life and everyone said that she needs to seperate herself from her parents.
Like Eph 5:22 to 5:33 talk about marriage and 5:28 and 5:29 say a married couple needs to seperate from their parents and they are as one flesh. i've lived by this, i serperated myself from my family and wanted one with my wife, she however she has lived by this. i am going to read Eph 5:22 to 5:33 to her later and see how she feels. I've been reading the bible all morning this morning and searching for hope, wisdom, and healing. like i said this was all pushed on me, and of course her mom tells everyone everything and always has her nose in peoples business. so now i'm ruined and i was the innocent one. yes i was angry and fighting with her but that was because i was pushed to the limit and accused of something HORRIBLE which i would never make up about my wife!
The BIG blow out happend when i was a work right, my cell phone kept ringing and ringing, and i was thinking to myself call me at work please because i cant answer the phone while on the clock. so i got fed up and answered. it was her mom..she was all sad and freaking out saying my wife was in a car accident. WELL i left work SO fast and half way to the hospital i get a call from my wife saying..where you at? i said i'm on my way to see you, are you ok, you fine, on your way home? she said yea i'm at your work i came in to see you surprisigly with mom (her mom that is). i was like what?!
My co-workers and the manager at the time was around her when she called and she couldnt believe what they told her that i told them for me too leave and i said YOUR MOTHER told me the story let me speak to my manager or your mom now! she said no!
What eerks me even more is that my wife and her mom are BEST FRIENDS, no joke, more than best friends it seems, they tell each other everything, yes even after we are married..kinda annoys me sometimes. so my wife believes her mom because waay in the past when we first dated i told her some lies to make me look good because i know she was better than me, but i was 14 or 15 at the time and then i was really not on a good track.
So i guess in her mom's mind its like well he done it again and this was big. so that night we had the blow out, i arugued with her mom saying i probably lost my job (which i didnt) and i lost my wife. she said i deserve it for saying that, and i said i had someone next to me that heard you say it all, she said yea right who? which there was someone next to me and that person has tried to talk to my wife. see i have done nothing wrong, her mom is like 50/50 with me, yea she loves me like a son, but she can hate me at the same time. her mom ruined my life and everyone said that she needs to seperate herself from her parents.
Like Eph 5:22 to 5:33 talk about marriage and 5:28 and 5:29 say a married couple needs to seperate from their parents and they are as one flesh. i've lived by this, i serperated myself from my family and wanted one with my wife, she however she has lived by this. i am going to read Eph 5:22 to 5:33 to her later and see how she feels. I've been reading the bible all morning this morning and searching for hope, wisdom, and healing. like i said this was all pushed on me, and of course her mom tells everyone everything and always has her nose in peoples business. so now i'm ruined and i was the innocent one. yes i was angry and fighting with her but that was because i was pushed to the limit and accused of something HORRIBLE which i would never make up about my wife!
Upvote
0
kanga22
Senior Member
- Jul 19, 2004
- 616
- 55
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Private
- Politics
- US-Libertarian
You've been together since you were 15/16 and married at 19/20? That is very young. How old is she? My feeling is that neither of you was ready for marriage. My opinion is that you should seek Christian counseling. They can help you figure out a plan for your life, with or without your young wife. God bless.
Upvote
0
Yes we met around 15/16, i'm actually 6 months older. I married at 20 in Nov. My b-day is in Oct. she married at 19, and just turned 20 in Apr. We both knew deep down we were ready to be married, and she knew she was. I have my plan and my career set before me, its just i have to wait for the date to come. My career now is to be a law enforcement officer which she totally supports and is proud of me doing that.
Last night I sent her a few texts message, and I think she is slowly coming through which is great. Once things finally break through with us I'll start the counseling because right now she said she doesnt want too..But I hate faith. Whats great is that our church has marriage counseling which is good. So we'll see how it goes. I'm just staying in prayer and trying to be strong. A man should never give up fighting for his marriage or the love of his life!
Last night I sent her a few texts message, and I think she is slowly coming through which is great. Once things finally break through with us I'll start the counseling because right now she said she doesnt want too..But I hate faith. Whats great is that our church has marriage counseling which is good. So we'll see how it goes. I'm just staying in prayer and trying to be strong. A man should never give up fighting for his marriage or the love of his life!
Upvote
0
kanga22
Senior Member
- Jul 19, 2004
- 616
- 55
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Private
- Politics
- US-Libertarian
Perhaps you should consider attending counseling (targeted toward your marriage) by yourself. If you are willing to go, I really think it would help you and your relationship. Maybe you two were meant to marry at this time, but it sounds like she is having doubts. You are not necessarily equiped to help her through it. This is just one way of fighting for your marriage.
Sometimes you have to act on your prayers. God provides for us by putting people and opportunities in our path. We still have to do the work.
Sometimes you have to act on your prayers. God provides for us by putting people and opportunities in our path. We still have to do the work.
Upvote
0
yea this is true, he does put people in our lives for a reason. No she isnt having doubts, she is still believing what happend and i'm trying to fight for it and fix it. I dont see how someone can ruin peoples marriage like this. She is still being stubborn and telling me to live my own life and move on. she'll be back in town from her cousin's house in 10 days, she doesnt know that i know she is there, but one of her friends told me, so i'm at ease knowing that at least.
However i am 110% willing to do counseling, and 220% willing to have it for my marriage. we are really meant to be together and be married because everyone around us (family and friends, even kids at school when we were in high school) told us how good we are together and wont be surprised if we do marry, well we did and we were both estatic when we did and still was until this happend. I am in the process of becoming a police officer and i think after that it will change her heart in many ways and i think from there things will be get better because i'll have a good career and good benefits provided for her.
However i am 110% willing to do counseling, and 220% willing to have it for my marriage. we are really meant to be together and be married because everyone around us (family and friends, even kids at school when we were in high school) told us how good we are together and wont be surprised if we do marry, well we did and we were both estatic when we did and still was until this happend. I am in the process of becoming a police officer and i think after that it will change her heart in many ways and i think from there things will be get better because i'll have a good career and good benefits provided for her.
Upvote
0
I hope the best for you.
ShainaBrina
The joy of the Lord is my strength
If you pick up the book "Boundaries in Marriage" You will see that one of the things they warn about is allowing a 3rd person into the marriage. Sounds like your mother-in-law was a 3rd person interferring in the marriage.
I hope you have the oportunity to go through that book together with your wife.
I hope you have the oportunity to go through that book together with your wife.
Upvote
0
thanks alot i'll try and look that book up at my local library! the thing is her and her mom and such good "best" friends, and this was a constant issue with me saying that she needs to let go of her mom, and how i feel her mom is always between us and stop going to her all the time. Now i dont mind she goes to her for something, but not EVERY thing ya know? but she'll be home soon, and i'll start my career very soon so we'll see how it goes from there.
Upvote
0
ShainaBrina
The joy of the Lord is my strength
Yes it can be a problem. If she goes to her mom and complains about you, then mom is left with bad feelings towards you. She's not there to see her daughter and you together after you've made up and are sweet with each other.
I was thinking... could it be that you mother-in-law was calling over and over and then when she got through in frustration she said "What if wife had been injured and in hospital?" and you just didn't hear the "what if" part?
I was thinking... could it be that you mother-in-law was calling over and over and then when she got through in frustration she said "What if wife had been injured and in hospital?" and you just didn't hear the "what if" part?
Upvote
0
no it wasnt a what if, immediately she said she was in the hospital and made up the story where she was at, she said i need to get down there. then it all went from there.
Upvote
0
L
Lisa004
Guest
If I learned anything from my separation was ...do not force yourself of the other person. This gives them more power. She will see or hear through your actions.
Go to counseling on your own for you. Once you take care of you then you will see the direction you should go in.
You both are very young and think you know what you are doing. You could be my child and I still have times that make me think, do I know what I am doing.
Back off a little and do not throw scripture at her right now. You will push her away farther. She knows already you love her. She knows you don't want a divorce. Leave it at that and God will lead your path with her or without her.
Go to counseling on your own for you. Once you take care of you then you will see the direction you should go in.
You both are very young and think you know what you are doing. You could be my child and I still have times that make me think, do I know what I am doing.
Back off a little and do not throw scripture at her right now. You will push her away farther. She knows already you love her. She knows you don't want a divorce. Leave it at that and God will lead your path with her or without her.
Upvote
0
Similar threads
