Hi. I am new here. I posted a thread entitled Seperated and Need Advice a few days ago. Maybe no one has any advice. Where I stand is confusing. I stayed so long because I believed God would work it out. Now I think I was in His way. My question is this, is pornography adultry (I think it is)? Bibliicy I mean. Also, my husband says he is a changed man, but I am over it. I don't want to go back. I don't want to be defiant to God, but I know our past. We have been here before (he swears he has changed). When do you use the wisdom that God gave you and turn away from abuse? I have 4 children that God has trusted me with (yes, I know He loves them too and will protect them) on this earth. So many stay at the cost of the children. I do not think God intends for that. He intends for both sides of the marriage to behave biblicly. Thanks for any imput.
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Seperated, some advice please....
- Thread starter bringingup4forHim
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bringingup4forHim said:
bringingup4forHim... You mentioned abuse. Could you please elaborate on this some? This term has become so overused that it is difficult to know what you actually mean. There are legal definitions and then there is the definitions so many use today that includes almost anything. Following your answer, I may be in a better position to offer some insight. Thank you and I'll be praying for your situation...Michael
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When I say abuse, I mean many things. I have been choked, punched (black eye), had my hair pulled out, been shoved down and kicked while pregnant, and the list goes on. I filed a domestic violence injuction. He was court ordered for anger management and medication. I forgave him and droped the charges. I then had to back down~ pretty much never disagree with him to keep him from hitting me again. I took the submisive verse in the bible and went a bit overboard, I became a door mat. Everything became my fault. He continued to yell at me, and degrade me, then appoligise me. It has been 10 years now. He pushes the children, pulls their hair, pinches them, and tells them they are bad chiildren and that he does not love them. He then laughs and says he is just kidding. The children will cower when he raises his hand at them. They beg me not to tell him if they did something wrong. He has bipolar and will not take his medication. I left 2 months ago. He had a fit (I left while he was at work) and threatened all kind of things. Now he says God has changed him, that he has never had true heart knowledge, only head knowledge. My children have suffered greatly at the hands of their father. The day I left was very hard. I had packed up the day before, and then unpacked (I do not want to disobey God) and then packed again and left. The last straw was when he was wresteling with the kids and bit one, hard. He left marks on her arm. This has happened many times before. I had taken the stance of this was his relationship with his kids and I should not interfere. But that night it was too much. She was on the floor, curled up crying. Another child, 3yo, came up to him to ask a question, he raised his hand and acted as if he was going to hit her. She cowered down and hid under the table. He then chased her, draged her out and told her she was going to get a spanking because she was bad (she had done nothing wrong, only tried to ask a question). I objected, asking him to put her down, and said that she is not bad. He turned around and glared at me (for anyone ever physically abused, you know the look they get before you are beaten) and told me that I cannot tell him how to handle his children. I then turned and saw my 6yo curled up on the floor crying, my 9yo scared and crying on the couch, and my 1yo standing, staring. God removed the veil. Had I stayed, I don't think I would be here today. Talking to my husband now, he agrees. But he says he is changed now. I am going to lpn school. He always had me "trapped", his words, not mine before. I had no way to leave or support the kids. He is scared that I will graduate and no longer have to stay with him. I just don't trust him.
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charligirl
Senior Veteran
OK, my advice - is that you are TOTALLY within your rights to leave your husband and you MUST stay away from him for your sake and for the sake of your children. God loves you and would not , I repeat NOT want you to stay and endure that abuse. your husband has totally broken the covenant he made to you on your wedding day and physical separation is the ONLY option in this situation.
You need help, you need prayer and support and you will need healing for yourself and advice on how to start the healing process in your children. I urge you to seek a local church or group who can speciailise in this situation and get some support. God LOVES you and your children and you are certainly NOT disobeying Him by physically separating yourself from violence, take a look in the bible to see how He views people who hurt children... if I were your husband I would be in fear of God for what he has done to you.
You can't do this alone - you will find support here, I suggest the'For women who struggle ' thread as well for some support.
I pray for the Lord's protection and healing for you and your family.
You need help, you need prayer and support and you will need healing for yourself and advice on how to start the healing process in your children. I urge you to seek a local church or group who can speciailise in this situation and get some support. God LOVES you and your children and you are certainly NOT disobeying Him by physically separating yourself from violence, take a look in the bible to see how He views people who hurt children... if I were your husband I would be in fear of God for what he has done to you.
You can't do this alone - you will find support here, I suggest the'For women who struggle ' thread as well for some support.
I pray for the Lord's protection and healing for you and your family.
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Your post is a little enigmatic.
So I'll mention the children.
They are the priority. Your four children are what God has given you to invest your life into raising. If their physical or mental or emotional health is in any jeopardy, then do whatever is required to protect them. That's all I can come up with at the moment.
So I'll mention the children.
They are the priority. Your four children are what God has given you to invest your life into raising. If their physical or mental or emotional health is in any jeopardy, then do whatever is required to protect them. That's all I can come up with at the moment.
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Your post is a little enigmatic
How so Mr. Cheese? I feel as if I was clear and forthright. Was my post that puzzeling?
How so Mr. Cheese? I feel as if I was clear and forthright. Was my post that puzzeling?
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Bringingup4Him...
I too am struggling the the option of divorce, mainly for the kids....my heart goes out to you.
Simply put...I think you have had enough........the kids need to be a priority. I want to write so much more but I don't have enough words...
I too am struggling the the option of divorce, mainly for the kids....my heart goes out to you.
Simply put...I think you have had enough........the kids need to be a priority. I want to write so much more but I don't have enough words...
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bringingup4forHim said:
bringingup4forHim First of all, I am so sorry that you (and your children) have suffered so greatly at the hands of your husband (and their father). This is an incredibly sad situation. If you are still considering reconciliation with your husband (and I hope that you are though it may take a long time), I would suggest that you dont move back in together until you have both (and the children) gone through an substantial amount of professional Christian counseling and until your husband has been stabilized for quite awhile (including taking his medications). I have no problem if your heart is pure before God and you desire restoration of your marriage that you take a good long time to ensure that the past wont happen again. I wish you the best and will continue to pray for you and your family. If I can answer anything more or add any additional information for you, please dont hesitate to ask (or PM) me Michael
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thank you all for the comments and support. i have felt quite alone. i think i really need some good christian counseling. i feel so upside down about all of this. i have lived it for 10 years, i guess what i feel is normal. when he is stable, things are good (not often) and when it's bad, i feel it is my duty to help him and pray through it. i almost feel as if i have been brainwashed, kwim? i know think, how could i have thought God would want me and our children to stay in this? just today, my 9yo crushed her 4yo sisters fingers in the door, just because she could. i know why she does things like that, because her father does them to her. he has always been very hard on her and picked unmercifully. when i sat down one on one with her, the emotions exploded! she let me know how he makes her feel, and how she hates the way she treats her siblings. this is a 9yo! how aweful i have been for staying. i feel so terrible. yet i still feel like my responsibility to my husband is there in God's eyes. how can i leave him when he says he is a changed man in God? i know i have a right to a long seperation. i really don't want to reconcile. between this and his pornography addiction, i am really spent emotionally with him. he has sent me books form the every mans battle series to help me. i could forgive the pornography, but its more than that. and the pornography addiction has been our entire marriage. lots of lies and hiding too. i am afraid to pray for God to soften my heart, because i do not want to go there again.... sorry if i upset anyone, but this is how i feel.
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charligirl
Senior Veteran
bringingup4forhim - I would suggest that you post in the womens forum, or the women who struggle forum within it, you will find support and prayers but also i think some women who have been where you are. This forum is more of a backwater and you might not get as many responses as you would in the busier women only one 
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