Seperated and going for divorce advice

[savedbygracebre]

Married as non-believers and I became saved over 8 years ago. She basically violated the covenant of our marriage so I am divorcing her. I Am 43 years old with an 11 year old daughter and a 16 year son. What would be some good advice on how to handle this situation. Since she basically doesn't hold to the same set of morals it can be difficult. Any help with experience from people that have been through this would be appreciated

 

[iambren]

Keep peace in as much as is in you; cooperate with your ex-wife. Try your best to not make any negative comments about your ex-wife to their mother. Don't try to buy your kids affections, be simple in quality time with them.

 

[savedbygracebre]

Trying to remain in peace. Problem is that she basically walks by a different set of "rules". Going to a club or bar with her single GF's and my kids will be home alone. Now I know my son is old enough to handle the situation it's just that I really WISHED she would show some moral restraint. I have to live up to God's standards(my decision and will continue), and she sets her own standards.

 

[iambren]

Her standards are between her and God. You don't control her nor do you have any business trying to control her. You can speak up(dispassionately) if any of her behavior affects the kids negatively. If things are bad you may go to court.

 

[savedbygracebre]

Good advice. It's like on the one hand I know what the RIGHT thing to do is and on the other hand I know what I shouldn't do. I'm sure part of my PRIDE is involved in the process and that is CONTRARY to my Christian values. I'll try harder(and trust HIM more and me less).

 

[DZoolander]

Trying to control other people is always a losing proposition. Once you are separated and on the road for divorce - like iambren said - judge things only by whether or not it's going to harm your children. What she does is no longer any of your business.

 

[savedbygracebre]

Thanks for the helpful advice. Prayer and then more prayer thru the hard times

 

[grafton25]

I am recently divorced (a little over a month). Even though I know you may have to deal with your soon to be ex spend as much quality time with your children that you can. My ex refuses to see the kids when it is not his weekend. Even if they ask him. During the week he is always telling them that he is too busy with work. My children are 21, 14, and, 12. It really upsets my two younger children that their dad only will see them ever other weekend and occasionally for an hour or two during the week. Before he decided to divorce me he was a devoted dad. He coached all my sons sports and went to all the kids activities. He no longer coaches my sons sports and only goes to their activities if they are on his weekend.

When he first left me he was going out to bars and drinking all the time as well. Even when he would have the kids for his weekends. I had it put into our divorce papers that neither of us could drink when we had the kids. I did this not to control him. I did this because on a few occasions he drank and drove with the kids in the car. I wanted to protect our children. He has since stopped drinking around the children.

 

[savedbygracebre]

Yes I agree on kids. I have always been the one that generally gave my kids some time. Since my wife was not a believer she had to satisfy her desires before everyone else. This is the reason for leaving the kids at the house and her always going to have drinks with her friends after work. Basically her "fun time" was a necessity and took precedence over anything else. I still know that as a Christian man I need to be there for them and to provide as much time as I can. Gets hard sometimes-especially because I work shift work and I'm the one who moved out of the house.

 

[epistemaniac]

saved by grace... here was my devotional for today:


Your Former Spouse's Questionable Lifestyle
Day 255

Some of you have a former spouse who is living an immoral or questionable lifestyle. Should you send your kids into this environment for visitation? That's a difficult question.

While you cannot control what goes on in your former spouse's home, you can control your reaction to the situation and the words you say to your children about it. Sometimes children are quick to tell you things that happened at the other parent's house that they know you will disapprove of. Do not prompt your children to tell you these things. That places the children in the middle again, and your role is not that of detective or police.

Your children may come home and say, "We saw some R-rated movies that you didn't want us to see." Here is where you check your own response before blurting out disparaging words against the other parent.

Dr. Bob Barnes recommends that you say something like, "I'm sorry about that. Your dad and I, or your mom and I, have differing opinions on those kinds of things. I'm sorry that happened. Do you want to talk about the movie itself? Let's do that."

Hopefully your former spouse will be open to calmly discuss your concerns, but if this is not possible, do not despair. Even though you can't be with your children at all times, God can and He is. Read the following Bible verse out loud with conviction.

"I know whom I have believed [God!], and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day" (2 Timothy 1:12).

Lord of all, I entrust my children to You today and every day. Thank you that You will protect my children from harm when I am not there. Amen.