Separated/ in the process of divorce

[Austintheatrain]

I don't mean to be a bother but, I'm separated (involuntarily) from my wife and she is filing for divorce and I can't stop thinking about my ex wife. We were together for 9 years and have been through a lot, then his one day she says she doesn't love me. No warning, we weren't fighting or anything, everything was going good. We had little spats, but nothing more than normal relationships. I miss her like crazy and I'm still in love with her. She says if I even try to contact her, she'll call the cops. I've tried fixing it but she won't even try. Right now all I want to do is hold her like I used to and do all the things we used to. And to think that there is another man defiling her, hurts like crazy. It's causing me literal pain and I'm even throwing up blood because I'm so stressed out. She was my high school sweetheart and the love of my life. I'm just stuck here and have no idea what to do. This is the woman I strode before our families and, most importantly, God and promised to spend my life with. I can't even imagine going on without her. I'm 95% sure she is sleeping with another man and all I can do is sit here and sulk in pain. I am praying my heart out and I'm scared God has turned from me for some reason. I don't want any of this. I'm scared and in so much pain and need help.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

What were the issues she said caused her to file and why do you think she's seeing somebody else? I mean, threatening to call the police if you call her is not normal post-divorce stuff... What inspired it?

 

[Austintheatrain]

What were the issues she said caused her to file and why do you think she's seeing somebody else? I mean, threatening to call the police if you call her is not normal post-divorce stuff... What inspired it?

I honestly don't know. She never gave me any reason. And I think she is seeing someone else because she has ran to this guy before when we had problems and slept with him for 7 months before working things out with me. That and her mom are posting pictures of them together online even though we are still legally married. With the police thing, She doesn't want me to try and fight for us I guess. I honestly haven't done anything to cause it. I tried calling her a few times and texting her a few times, but nothing to call the police over. It was only me trying to figure out what all was going on and to let her know I want to fix things.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Women don't threaten to call the police simply because they don't feel like working on their marriage. Do you have anger issues? Have you said things, lead her to believe things that she has taken as hostile?

I mean, I'll be honest... Even if there is another guy, women don't go from being all happy and fine one day, to "I'm out of here, you call me, I call the police" the next day.

I'd say the first step to figuring out what's going on and have a real, good, hard think about what was going on that could have led her to ask to end the marriage. Even if it was another man, there's still something that led her to choose that other man over the marriage. There's something else there. So I'd say before you do anything else, sit down and be introspective and figure out what was going on that made her unhappy enough to leave.

 

[dayhiker]

I agree that there is something else. I of course don't have a clue. It might be you
or it could be that this guy has something over here and is pressing her to treat you this way. I just don't know.

But there is a line of thought that might help you. I don't get the feeling that even if you get back together that this pain she is causing you would be a one time thing. Do you really want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with you? That is more pain and since you don't like this pain, it sounds advantageous to also avoid the future pain by letting her go.

There is live after divorce. Do use this time to grow and mature. Learn some better communication skills and the future will be better.

 

[Niffer]

I'm assuming his wife is as young as he is, and if thats the case, immaturity can cause the "I'm out/don't call me" response.
A mature adult doesn't generally respond that way, but if they've been together since they've been 14, and mutually exclusive (except for some aforementioned infidelity) I can actually see a 22 year old woman deciding that she's just tired of the relationship and says she's out, especially if this has been an issue with her staying faithful before.

 

[Svt4Him]

You've been together since you were 13?

Regardless, there is usually someone else, and if she says don't contact her, you're powerless. divorcecare is a great program, but how long were you married? If a year or around a year, most women leave then as they realize they shouldn't have gotten married.

 

[russianorth]

This is actually quite normal especially for young women with options. My ex wife did this and I have quite attractive young relatives who can behave this way (I had to unfriend one of her ex's I was starting to get to know for almost an identical situation, though not married, not that the piece of paper mattes for women that have other men eating from their hand). Its actually not abnormal woman behavior in a culture and legal system that allow them to behave this way. In Jesus time you bought your wife from the father and she was legally required to stay and could be killed if she hooked up with some other guy so there was an incentive for men to get married. I was cussed out by my ex's new guy before we were even divorced. I was not perfect and there were things I worked on and am still working on with my new woman but by no means divorceable stuff.

You did not have to do anything major for women to act this way, if she was simply dissatisfied with the marriage she could do this and if she is young and hot and this guy drives a Harley that's all it might have taken.

This is why its a good idea to have sex with and live with women in your 20's and 30's and then start thinking about marriage maybe at 40 and don't have any kids it just isent worth it.

If she is young and cute the men are lined up I guarantee it.

In Russia its still acceptable to kill the new guy and the ex if you catch them, not specifically legal but from the Russians I talked too nothing is enforced. So women should be happy that the worse thing they have to worry about is men not wanting to get married because women have WAY too many rights.

 

[olds8598]

I don't mean to be a bother but, I'm separated (involuntarily) from my wife and she is filing for divorce and I can't stop thinking about my ex wife. We were together for 9 years and have been through a lot, then his one day she says she doesn't love me. No warning, we weren't fighting or anything, everything was going good. We had little spats, but nothing more than normal relationships. I miss her like crazy and I'm still in love with her. She says if I even try to contact her, she'll call the cops. I've tried fixing it but she won't even try. Right now all I want to do is hold her like I used to and do all the things we used to. And to think that there is another man defiling her, hurts like crazy. It's causing me literal pain and I'm even throwing up blood because I'm so stressed out. She was my high school sweetheart and the love of my life. I'm just stuck here and have no idea what to do. This is the woman I strode before our families and, most importantly, God and promised to spend my life with. I can't even imagine going on without her. I'm 95% sure she is sleeping with another man and all I can do is sit here and sulk in pain. I am praying my heart out and I'm scared God has turned from me for some reason. I don't want any of this. I'm scared and in so much pain and need help.

Hey champ,

I too had my wife end the marriage. Mine was for different reasons (family and culture) and started two years ago two months shy of our 11th anniversary. The sting, though, is still the same. Yes, it's unfair and it sucks big time, but things WILL get better as time goes on.

You throwing up blood because of this is definitely not good. Have you seen a doctor? How have you been doing since the original post?

I have zero experience with the police threat. It is very puzzling. Perhaps her saying this was her way of being emphatic. Whatever it is, I wouldn't contact her and she makes good on calling the cops.

God hasn't turned on you. She has. One thing I learned from my divorce was that I trust people a whole lot less and God a whole lot more.

I highly recommend going to a therapist. I did. Find one you feel comfortable with. If you have to take anti-depressants, fine. I did and still do. Aside from drugs, drink, anything illegal or immoral, I feel you do whatever it takes to get you threw this. Talk with friends and family. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Treat yourself. Immerse yourself in a hobby or favorite pastime. Most of all: hold onto God tight. Cry, curse, question Him. (Obviously I don't mean curse Him or blame Him. I mean curse the situation.) Forgive her, or work on forgiving her.

Stay strong.

 

[Tigger45]

Lord have mercy, may He grant you the grace and wisdom to over come this situation.

 

[LinkH]

I'm sorry to hear about your going through this. Her threatening to call the police isn't typical, but not everyone is typical. It doesn't necessarily mean there is some mysterious thing wrong with you. You know more about your relationship with her than people here.

I don't know what to tell you about getting her back since that is what you seem to want, except to pray. You can pray about these things. If there is another guy, I'll join you in prayer that he'll be impotent if he tries anything with your wife.

Take care of yourself, and watch your thoughts. Psalm 42 is a good chapter to read if you are depressed. When the Psalmist was depressed, he resolved to put his hope in the Lord. If you get depressed, put your thoughts on God. Sing praises to Him. Pray to Him.

Don't allow yourself to think thoughts about how bad your life will be or how bad she treated you, thoughts that hurt to think about them, but are addictive and you want to think them more until your heart feels like a pile of hurting goo. The enemy throws fiery darts, and I believe one way that the Devil and his demons attack are through thoughts, including depressing thoughts when people are going through a rough time.

One thing I can tell you is that, no matter what happens, things will get better for you emotionally if you are just patient and ride it out. You won't always hurt like you are hurting now. And you will laugh, smile, and have a good time in life again down the road, no matter what happens with your wife.

 

[CheeseD1]

I don't mean to be a bother but, I'm separated (involuntarily) from my wife and she is filing for divorce and I can't stop thinking about my ex wife. We were together for 9 years and have been through a lot, then his one day she says she doesn't love me. No warning, we weren't fighting or anything, everything was going good. We had little spats, but nothing more than normal relationships. I miss her like crazy and I'm still in love with her. She says if I even try to contact her, she'll call the cops. I've tried fixing it but she won't even try. Right now all I want to do is hold her like I used to and do all the things we used to. And to think that there is another man defiling her, hurts like crazy. It's causing me literal pain and I'm even throwing up blood because I'm so stressed out. She was my high school sweetheart and the love of my life. I'm just stuck here and have no idea what to do. This is the woman I strode before our families and, most importantly, God and promised to spend my life with. I can't even imagine going on without her. I'm 95% sure she is sleeping with another man and all I can do is sit here and sulk in pain. I am praying my heart out and I'm scared God has turned from me for some reason. I don't want any of this. I'm scared and in so much pain and need help.

(Taking your story at face value)
What legal basis does she have for this? If she says she is going to call the cops simply for you calling her, she has more than a few loose screws. Unless you are constantly badgering her IE calling her many times per day every day, she has no legal basis for claiming "harassment" or something stupid like that.

However

I would caution you that the word of a female will ALWAYS be taken over the word of the male where cops are involved unless you can explicitly prove otherwise. (Speaking from experience here) If she has gone off her rocker, and you live in a 1 party state as far as recording goes, get yourself a digital recorder and record at all times the conversations for your own protection.

 

[Autumnleaf]

If she's with another guy she is lost to you... until maybe about the time the divorce is about to be final and she might contact you with doubts about going through with it.

Russianorth is right about how things are going from a societal view of it.

 

[stepola83]

Im so sorry you are going through this. Please know that there is still hope and that God would love nothing more than to save your marriage. God led me to a wonderful ministry when my marriage fell apart. Please check it out, it might just be what God uses to change your marriage and turn this all around.

please go to restore ministries international. you can type in hopeatlast click on the mens tab and click on how God can and will restore your marriage for men.

You can read the first chapter for free if you click on the link and click the button that says read chapter one.


Blessings, I pray that your marriage will be restored in Jesus name.

Stephanie

 

[Avniel]

I suggest the 180

 

[Hman]

I don't mean to be a bother but, I'm separated (involuntarily) from my wife and she is filing for divorce and I can't stop thinking about my ex wife. We were together for 9 years and have been through a lot, then his one day she says she doesn't love me. No warning, we weren't fighting or anything, everything was going good. We had little spats, but nothing more than normal relationships. I miss her like crazy and I'm still in love with her. She says if I even try to contact her, she'll call the cops. I've tried fixing it but she won't even try. Right now all I want to do is hold her like I used to and do all the things we used to. And to think that there is another man defiling her, hurts like crazy. It's causing me literal pain and I'm even throwing up blood because I'm so stressed out. She was my high school sweetheart and the love of my life. I'm just stuck here and have no idea what to do. This is the woman I strode before our families and, most importantly, God and promised to spend my life with. I can't even imagine going on without her. I'm 95% sure she is sleeping with another man and all I can do is sit here and sulk in pain. I am praying my heart out and I'm scared God has turned from me for some reason. I don't want any of this. I'm scared and in so much pain and need help.

Sorry to hear you are in the worst pain. I will pray for you. I went through it before. And now I'm separated, I have waves of depression, when they hit I pray and read the bible. My advice is is lay hold of God when you pray, I pray out loud, cry out to Him, read, read read, church, small groups, talk with friends and family, oh I listen to " One Place " it's an app on my cell, STAY IN THE WORD! Trust and have faith in Him. I'm going through it too. Like I said I'm praying for you that God will move in your life and will build you up again. Much love.

 

[Fangtastic]

Austin I hope moved on and as far as this situation with calling cops; women do weird stuff when they want their way. But there could be mental abuse going on that made her look for comfort. People need to talk before reacting. Young marriages are usually a disaster as I well know.