Separated and still confused

[jesusismydriver]

I don't know what to do anymore. My husband and I have had a very difficult marriage and the truth of the matter is I'd say we both were living out generational curses. I believe he loves me but didn't know how to show love. Without going into everything I don't know what to do anymore. We walked out back in September after a horrible family vacation. After discussion he decided it was best for him to leave as he doesn't believe he's the man for me and can't give me what I'm looking for. I've remained standing throughout all of this and have been fighting for this marriage by lovingly revealing truth to him. He wants nothing to do with hearing about God from me and being around me stirs enough conviction within him that he'll find every reason to leave when we are all finally together. (we have three children). He has bought into divorce being okay (I clearly know biblically speaking that there are times divorce is okay). He's bought into he can be a good PT Dad when he can fit it into his work schedule. I can go on and on. The bottom line is he claims he believes but refuses to go to church. There's noone in his life to reveal truth to him. I'm tired of fighting and getting nothing in return. I've had many speak into my life and my Theology Professor even said what I see as loss will be gain. He will send an abundance of healthy relationships into my life that are healthy including one that isn't abusive and I know what he means. This has been an emotionally abusive marriage but who's to say my husband isn't going to be sent home a changed man? IDK...what I do know is our three children are seing me show forgiveness and extending mercy but at what point am I compromising losing their respect for allowing this to go on this way? Praying confusion goes away as I do know it's the work of the enemy as He gives us the gift of love and of power and of sound mind! That's what I'm praying returns is a sound mind where I know that I know the direction my heart is going and not being trampled over

 

[saturnnights]

As long as you're still married, there's still hope. That's not very helpful, I know, but after losing a wife of 19 years, and having suffered terrible emotional abuse by her hand, I can say that divorce is sometimes worse. Not always - just sometimes...
I can't answer all of your questions, but I'll try to answer one: your children, if they are made to understand why you're showing forgiveness and extending mercy (traits that are rare, and that mirror our Lord's own life), they will indeed respect you and will likely emulate that behavior later in their own lives.

I wish you God's mercy and strength as you search for answers...

Mark

 

[jesusismydriver]

Thank you Mark! The odds of Jer 29:11 being there gave me chills as that is the verse our neighbor said The Lord told her to tell us. I am doing all I can to place everything at His feet and remain standing for this marriage in spite of any hope given from my husband. Although you did remind me the obvious fact remains that there is hope for the simple fact we have not pursued anything legally. He just isn't here at all. Physically or emotionally. I do give him credit and know Gods hand is in it for if it was up to him he would abandon us completely but God has worked in him enough that thus far he has not abandoned us financially.

I'm just going through a lot; it isn't just the separation and he knows that. I'm in a place that the only comfort in my life right now is from Him up above and my children. In in that place that I do know I'm not alone but still feel alone. I need an increase in Spirit; a breath of fresh air to continue standing. It's times like these the enemy engages in every weakness he knows of which means I've engaged in one battle after another and need renewed strength.

Thank you for your kind words and our of all Scripture that one have me tears! Thanks!

Maggie

 

[saturnnights]

God always has a plan - sometimes He reveals it slowly, but never doubt that He is in control. Call out to Him like you never have before, and have faith...