separated and HAPPY!

[LadyAradia]

well i guess i'll introduce myself...
HI....
I left my husband in the spring!
he didn't beat me ...in fact...
most would say i had no business leaving!
he had a good job and provided for us
he loved us to the best of his ability
we have 4 children
he was the worship leader in church
and by all outward appearances
most people THOUGHT we had it ALL.
however i was incredibly unhappy
mostly because he is completely selfish
i struggled with losing my whole relationship with GOD
and in the end decided I was setting very unrealistic expectations...not for him...but for me!
to expect me to still love him when there had never been anythign in the relationship for me.
and so
here i am
single and enjoying it...
knowing that GOD still loves me
and that he expects nothing from me.
it has been a real time of healing this past 6 months
and yet...every time i try to join a group of divorced or separated people... i find that i am the odd ball
cuz i am the leavee.
i am the one that said...this is NOT love
LOVE is not an excuse to use the other person for whatever you need.
to expect them to be more than they can ever be
or expect them to be YOUR peace.
anyhow...
anyone else HAPPY To be ALONE?

 

[dbhost]

Wow, so both of you were looking at "what's in it for me"?

Do you see a problem with that?

I know that sounds harsh, and I am sorry for that. But if you re-read your original post, it does sound like the both of you are aimed the wrong direction. Kind of like Kennedy saying "ask not what your country can do for you..." but in this case, ask what you can do for your spouse...

Something you and your husband BOTH need to learn here is that a marriage is NOT getting what you can, it IS about giving what you can because you love the other person.

Hopefully that is a lesson that can be learned before it is too late.

Oh, by the way. Your statement of....

" knowing that GOD still loves me
and that he expects nothing from me."

is only half right. Yes God does still love you. Are you foolish enough to think he expects nothing from you? What about obedience? What about submission to his will? Do you think God does not expect these things from all of his children?

 

[LadyAradia]

Well there is some of the good ole christian love.
thankyou! xox
I devoted 18 years of my life to my marriage and children. I didn't give up or decide one day on a whim that I wanted another man!
infact i am pretty well convinced i will be alone.
and I am ok with that.
I mentioned OUTWARDLY we looked good
I stayed until I realized it wasn't a healthy relationship
yes i say realized.... realized that there was NO love in it. and GOD would weep over me being treated so.
i stayed and stayed until i wished to die
I keep deleting stuff...cuz i know NOW that i have every right to leave...
my parents cried when i told them i was leaving
they have been praying for years...
that i would
I think i am coming from the most subtlest of abuse situations...i can hardly put my finger on it. yet i know there was so much wrong.
i went back to work....and my new boss helped me do dishes the other day. I CRIED...yes, i waited until i was home...but i was so unbelievably touched that he...the boss...would help me on a day i was feelign overwhelmed. Had you carried a marriage on your own for 18 years you might understand how much a little help would have gone. cuz there was more love in that simple act than in the 18 years of marriage.

 

[LadyAradia]

oo yes...my God expects nothing from me..
kinda a wild thought eh?
my husband demanded everything.
God wants nothing
in fact there is nothing i could do or give him anyways...
i feel quite comfortable sitting at his feet, huggin his leg while he tells me I'm gonna be ok...xox

 

[AMOG]

Isn't it amazing how God does not have one single standard to which he expects every Christian to conform?

For some, he knows they cannot be happy unless they feel they are striving to meet his demands. That is what they need.

To others, he just cradles them in his arms and asks them to rest in him.

To others, he makes extraordinary requests, but before he does, he changes "the desires of their heart" to the point that they feel like it is nothing at all to do these most extraordinary things for him.

The way he meets us individually, at our point of need, is just amazing.

 

[LadyAradia]

Isn't it amazing how God does not have one single standard to which he expects every Christian to conform?

For some, he knows they cannot be happy unless they feel they are striving to meet his demands. That is what they need.

To others, he just cradles them in his arms and asks them to rest in him.

To others, he makes extraordinary requests, but before he does, he changes "the desires of their heart" to the point that they feel like it is nothing at all to do these most extraordinary things for him.

The way he meets us individually, at our point of need, is just amazing.

ya just made me cry!
punching you in the arm for that!
and saying thankyou.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

You're feelings of carrying the marriage on your own isn't unique to you. It seems many wives feel that sentiment. It's unfortunate.
Your words came across as flippant.... I don't need to add any criticism because you know how other Christians view things. I don't believe others comments were meant to be hurtful. Most agree on a certain set of values and the comment about "Christian Love" holds all of us that attempt (as you have) to live to a certain standard we believe we're called to, in contempt.
I pray you find the answers you seek through your decision and that God can truly show you the love you desire and deserve.

 

[HisdaughterJen]

i stayed and stayed until i wished to die

I know what you mean.

People say to hang on and keep praying, that things will get better.

People say to stay together for the kids.

People say to take one day at a time.

People say to be the bigger person and submit, submit, submit...win him over by your submissiveness.

Then, when you've done all of that, basically becoming a slave to a man who no longer loves you and may even be cheating on you, and begged God to help, you realize there's no honorable, acceptable way out except by death or rapture and you spend your time, nearly catatonic, praying for one or the other.

 

[Crujir]

What totally sucks about this whole things though is remarriage = adultery. Unless you reconcile with your husband.

 

[HisdaughterJen]

What totally sucks about this whole things though is remarriage = adultery. Unless you reconcile with your husband.

Or unless someone dies....

God really wants people to honor their commitments, I suppose, for the sake of the next generation.

 

[Crujir]

Or unless someone dies....

God really wants people to honor their commitments, I suppose, for the sake of the next generation.

Agreed... I know there are some extenuating circumstances around marriage/remarriage but I just meant this particular case at this particular time

By the way, I love your custom title; "Prove it with scriptures!" Absolutely awesome, and that's where we all need to stand

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Agreed... I know there are some extenuating circumstances around marriage/remarriage but I just meant this particular case at this particular time

Oh, yes, I see.

By the way, I love your custom title; "Prove it with scriptures!" Absolutely awesome, and that's where we all need to stand

God said it all...we need only repeat and remind each other of what He said!!

 

[dbhost]

What totally sucks about this whole things though is remarriage = adultery. Unless you reconcile with your husband.

The way I read the scriptures, and I may be wrong. But remarriage = adultery unless your former spouse committed adultery. OR if your former spouse left of their own free will and they were not a believer...

God hates divorce...

He does NOT hate the divorced. There is a huge difference...

I am pretty sure that there is somewhere in scripture regarding abuse as well...

Most churches teach that divorce and remarriage is not permissible except that the divorce be on the grounds of adultery, abuse, or abandonment.

 

[Crujir]

The way I read the scriptures, and I may be wrong. But remarriage = adultery unless your former spouse committed adultery. OR if your former spouse left of their own free will and they were not a believer...

God hates divorce...

He does NOT hate the divorced. There is a huge difference...

I am pretty sure that there is somewhere in scripture regarding abuse as well...

Most churches teach that divorce and remarriage is not permissible except that the divorce be on the grounds of adultery, abuse, or abandonment.

Right; like I said there are extenuating circumstances for some situations, all of which are very clearly explained in the word of God.

But no matter the circumstance, you are right when you say God hates divorce... But not the divorced. Personally I can't stand divorce either, because more than anything it can have devastating effects on their children if they had any.

My wife and I at our young age have already been through the worst a marriage can go through, and with God's mighty strength, we pulled through and became closer than ever. The story behind it is one of my greatest testimonies, because when it was said and done, I finally fully understood unconditional love; love without reason or request, and love regardless of all things.

My God is an awesome God!

 

[LadyAradia]

I know what you mean.

People say to hang on and keep praying, that things will get better.

People say to stay together for the kids.

People say to take one day at a time.

People say to be the bigger person and submit, submit, submit...win him over by your submissiveness.

Then, when you've done all of that, basically becoming a slave to a man who no longer loves you and may even be cheating on you, and begged God to help, you realize there's no honorable, acceptable way out except by death or rapture and you spend your time, nearly catatonic, praying for one or the other.

yes! (((HUGS)))

 

[LadyAradia]

Yes....divorce and remarriage.
take a poll in your church
1/2 the congregation will be on a second marriage
its SAD but true.
the kids ......YES.... it kills me to have them go through divorce...but staying was NO PICNIC either. it was choosing between to evils.
i dunno...some day i suppose i will add adulterous to my list of crimes against god...and know he LOVES me.
just the same as if i had not done any.

 

[Demi4God]

I was meant to join this forum.This helped me tonight ! Best regards!