I'm new on this site - hoping to gain perspective on my situation.
I'm a 60 year old man who has been separated from my ex for over 4 years now. Before that we lived together in separate rooms as roomates for about 10 years; I wanted to have daily interaction with my children and this was the only way to assure this. My ex had cheated throughout the marriage, and was mentally and verbally abusive to me - to my face and in front of the children. After the night of my salvation almost 5 years ago, I realized that the marriage was irretrievable, that she was damaged beyond my ability to be around, so I moved out and filed for divorce.
She agreed she wanted and wants the divorce, but has fought me every step of the way. She freely admits it was and is all about the money. We have temporary court orders - I pay alimony, and have little to do with her other than that. Our son is now adult, but our daughter lives with me - rarely seeing her mother who is horrible and abusive to her. She has never paid child support even though we could use the help. Through the court orders we sold the house and split all the assets, there is nothing left. I've drafted (with the attorney) several final judgement decrees but she still refuses to sign. Even though I have agreed to absolutely every one of her demands - I just want the divorce so I can get on with life. She is not saying she is worried that the judge will order her to pay back child support - like I said its all about the money. In the meantime, I live paycheck to paycheck, have no savings or retirement left - it ALL went to attorney fees, along with now several thousand in credit card debt given to attorneys as well. So I could go to court and get a judge to sign off, but would have to pay even more, and I don't have it. So I feel stuck, held hostage.
In the meantime - I've led a life of lonliness. I've been able to stay occupied and do things to keep busy, and have a great relationship with the children. But I won't make the children my sole focus in life - not fair to them or proper for me. About a year or so ago I felt, while in church, that it would be OK to reach out and try to meet a woman, as a friend. I so missed the conection, the fun, the ability to talk to someone, to even care about someone, or have someone care about me.
Several months ago I did meet someone, someone wonderful. We were friends. We engaged in bible study, it seemed like God was giving us the same scriptures independently, or giving one a scripture specific for the other. We became close. We prayed together - this was such an amazing concept - in prayer we truly revealed our hearts to God, and to each other. We were close friends, shared a spiritual and emotional connection, I've never had a friend like this.
But it ended. Several weeks ago she was given a scripture, Romans 1, and this convicted her that our relationship did not honor God. I was devastated, as I had poured into her as she into me as I never knew existed. But that same day she broke it off, kindly but firmly. After a couple of weeks I emailed her and we met and talked. We are OK, as in friends. As in not talking or writing much, certainly not every day or even every week. Our connection is going to fade, this is what I sense, until we don't know each other any more.
So, I read the bible. Wait on the Lord, this is a topic you see everywhere. For example, The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD.
For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion according to the greatness of his unfailing love."
But I also know that in Genesis 2 God said, Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
So, my situation, endure this lonliness, waiting on the Lord. But I am at the mercy of my ex. I am not married except for not having a signed decree. Yet I've lost the one I believe was (is) my sould mate because of this. I know the Lord should be sufficient, I should let Him fill the empty places inside. Yet I am a man, I have thoughts and feelings, I have desires, and I know that God means for man to be in relationship.
As I said, I'm new here, don't know a soul. But I'm asking, is there anyone who can give me perspective here? I am hurting.
Thank you.
I'm a 60 year old man who has been separated from my ex for over 4 years now. Before that we lived together in separate rooms as roomates for about 10 years; I wanted to have daily interaction with my children and this was the only way to assure this. My ex had cheated throughout the marriage, and was mentally and verbally abusive to me - to my face and in front of the children. After the night of my salvation almost 5 years ago, I realized that the marriage was irretrievable, that she was damaged beyond my ability to be around, so I moved out and filed for divorce.
She agreed she wanted and wants the divorce, but has fought me every step of the way. She freely admits it was and is all about the money. We have temporary court orders - I pay alimony, and have little to do with her other than that. Our son is now adult, but our daughter lives with me - rarely seeing her mother who is horrible and abusive to her. She has never paid child support even though we could use the help. Through the court orders we sold the house and split all the assets, there is nothing left. I've drafted (with the attorney) several final judgement decrees but she still refuses to sign. Even though I have agreed to absolutely every one of her demands - I just want the divorce so I can get on with life. She is not saying she is worried that the judge will order her to pay back child support - like I said its all about the money. In the meantime, I live paycheck to paycheck, have no savings or retirement left - it ALL went to attorney fees, along with now several thousand in credit card debt given to attorneys as well. So I could go to court and get a judge to sign off, but would have to pay even more, and I don't have it. So I feel stuck, held hostage.
In the meantime - I've led a life of lonliness. I've been able to stay occupied and do things to keep busy, and have a great relationship with the children. But I won't make the children my sole focus in life - not fair to them or proper for me. About a year or so ago I felt, while in church, that it would be OK to reach out and try to meet a woman, as a friend. I so missed the conection, the fun, the ability to talk to someone, to even care about someone, or have someone care about me.
Several months ago I did meet someone, someone wonderful. We were friends. We engaged in bible study, it seemed like God was giving us the same scriptures independently, or giving one a scripture specific for the other. We became close. We prayed together - this was such an amazing concept - in prayer we truly revealed our hearts to God, and to each other. We were close friends, shared a spiritual and emotional connection, I've never had a friend like this.
But it ended. Several weeks ago she was given a scripture, Romans 1, and this convicted her that our relationship did not honor God. I was devastated, as I had poured into her as she into me as I never knew existed. But that same day she broke it off, kindly but firmly. After a couple of weeks I emailed her and we met and talked. We are OK, as in friends. As in not talking or writing much, certainly not every day or even every week. Our connection is going to fade, this is what I sense, until we don't know each other any more.
So, I read the bible. Wait on the Lord, this is a topic you see everywhere. For example, The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD.
For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion according to the greatness of his unfailing love."
But I also know that in Genesis 2 God said, Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
So, my situation, endure this lonliness, waiting on the Lord. But I am at the mercy of my ex. I am not married except for not having a signed decree. Yet I've lost the one I believe was (is) my sould mate because of this. I know the Lord should be sufficient, I should let Him fill the empty places inside. Yet I am a man, I have thoughts and feelings, I have desires, and I know that God means for man to be in relationship.
As I said, I'm new here, don't know a soul. But I'm asking, is there anyone who can give me perspective here? I am hurting.
Thank you.
