Separate or Stay...HELP!

[einnc]

Hello

I am new to the forum. I have been struggling over a decision to stay or go. I am unequally yoked and it was my fault. A month after I accepted Christ in my life I married my boyfriend of two years. We have been married now for (6) years. It has not been easy. I finally just asked God to forgive of the decision I made two weeks ago.

He goes whenever he wants to go. He tells me he's going to the store and comes back two hours later and tells me he was hanging out with the boys. He doesn't fully share in all the responsilblities of supporting our family. He does about 30%. We constantly argue over finances. It is memorial day weekend and he is at the beach with his friends. Not at home with us....his family.

I don't ask for much. All I want is for us to pool together to pay bills and run this household together. When we try to talk it turns into an argument. He leaves and go hang out. Sometimes until 3 am in the morning. I have suggested counseling but he is not willing to go.

However I did tell him that if he didn't do his share in the home the children and I did not need him. Was I wrong? He responded by telling me he would do his share until he found another place to live. Since his comment I have found a less expensive place more affordable for me and the children to stay just in case he does leave.

I am sorry for my first post to be so long but I truly need help here.

 

[KleinerApfel]

einnc

I'm sorry to hear how difficult life is for you.

Take heart - you have done well.

You have:
A - Given your life to Christ. You can trust Him with it.
B - Made a bad marriage work for 6 years. God is pleased with you for your love and perseverance.
C - Repented before God for going your own way in marrying an unbeliever.
You are forgiven.
This means your relationship with God is very active. Remember, He is for you.

Take a look at 1 Corinthians 7 in it's entirety - there's lots to encourage us with husbands who don't yet know Jesus.

Here's a particularly precious section:

1 Corinthians 7
13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

So to sum up the passage:
A - It is God's will for your marriage to thrive, and He will give you strength to maintain your own part in this.
B - Pray for your husband's salvation, and get someone else to support you in that, as it's a very hard thing to keep going sometimes.
C - If the worst comes to the worst and your husband leaves, you will know that you have loved and prayed for him, and it is not your fault but his. You will not be judged by God for this man's failure.

Get yourself some prayer support if you possibly can, as I know from my experince that this is the greatest thing of all.
Preferably you would benefit from someone to pray with you and for you personally, but at least find someone who will commit to praying for your husband and marriage regularly, at home if they're not able/willing to pray aloud with others (I know sadly many Christians cannot bring themselves to do that, but their prayers at home alone are still valid).


God bless you, Susana

 

[SuzQ]

Praying for you and your children right now!

Take my word for it - The Lord is My Banner gives great advice!

 

[grace4sds]

Einnc...I am so sorry your marriage is going through a difficult time. It sounds like you have repented and God has forgiven you for your decision. But, I am going to be honest here...even though God forgives us we are still reponsible for our decisions and the results of that. I'm sure it is in God's will for you to stay married, and I want to encourage that as well. One thing I did not see in your post is whether you loved your husband. I don't know your situation, but could it be possible your husband does not feel loved and is unhappy? I have been divorced twice and I know there is always both sides involved. My second husband would leave to go to the store for a liter of coke and come back 2 hours later. He did this on a regular basis, and he was really out with another woman. He did not live up to my expectations either as far as his percentage of help around the house. I realized later my complaining is what drove him away to someone else who was telling him how wonderful he was. Right or wrong men love to have their egos stroked.

Yes, I think you were wrong to tell him you don't need him. One reason is there are plenty of women out there that could or will tell him how much they do need him. I have been divorced for quite awhile and I will tell you there is nothing like your first marriage. If you can at all hold it together, do it. Second marriages are just not natural. Believe me, I know.

I will pray for your husband that God would change his heart and that your husband would come to know the Lord. And I will pray for you strength to endure. Just keep being the christian God created you to be and love your husband with all your strength holding to your commitment to God, but if your husband decides to leave, according to God's word, let him leave.

 

[caitlincares]

Praying for you.

 

[bliz]

You have a responsibility to your children and yourself as well as to your husband. The first thought that crossed my mind is there there could be other women - the behavior pattern is not unique. You need to know if you are in danger. Go to your doctor and tell him/her that there is a possibility that your husband has been sleeping around and that you want to be tested. You can always ask him, but I don't know if you can trust him for an honest answer or if you will believe him.