Seeking wisdom from married couples

[HeartAfterGod]

Hey! How are you all?! I really could use some advice and prayer.
To start out, I'll tell you a bit about myself.
Intro
I am almost 19 years old, a Freshmen in college. I love Jesus very very much, and recently I my walk with the Lord has been increasing greatly (after a dry spell over the summer where I rarely spent time with Jesus). I have never been the type of guy who will go seeking for a girlfriend. In fact, I have never had one and I have always been quite content not having one.
In comes the girl
As you can guess from the header, I just met the most beautiful and most Godly woman ever. We met at one of my friends (we'll call him soccer-Bob) soccer games about a month ago. I was with my girl friend (2 words not 1, and we'll call her Martha) at the game when this girl (we'll call her Joanne) walks over and sits in between my friend and I. My friend introduces us. For me, it was love at first site. I knew just from looking at Joanne that she had integrity and a strong love for the Lord. I talked with her a bit during the game. However, she is somewhat introverted and being sort of an introvert myself I had a hard time carrying on a deep conversation with her. After the game I asked Martha some basic questions about Joanne's personality, and the more she talked about her the more I fell in love with her. (she has never dated, she is happy being single, and she loves the Lord)All my friends that know both of us say that we would be the perfect mates for each-other.

My friends have tried to get this girl to hang out so many times with us but she is always busy, and she doesn't spend a lot of time hanging out, even if she can. I end up seeing Joanne at Soccer-Bob's highschool a lot. (Soccer-Bob, Joanne, and Martha are all seniors in a private Christian school). But every time I see her I can do nothing but smile. It sounds corny I know, and I never thought it happened except in movies. But all I can do is smile, (her spiritual and physical beauty takes my whole thought process away). Anyhow, this is the first girl I have ever felt this way about. I seriously think that she could be "the one". and she is constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I don't want to do anything unless it's the Lord's will. I have prayed that the Lord would take this desire away if we are not meant to be married. so far, he hasn't taken it away. I would like you guys to pray that the Lord will give me direction in what I am to do. I would also like suggestions on how I can let this girl know that she is Amazing, and that I want to be friends with her. (She seems like the type that would be scared if I said it bluntly, but I think that she would also shy away if one of her friends told her.)
Also, how did you guys know that the person you married was "the one"?
Thanks a lot for your prayers. God Bless

 

[Southern Cross]

Wow! You've got a bad case of love, my friend. But is it really love? I'm going to say some things, and I want you to understand I'm not questioning your integrity or motives. I met my wife soon after I turned 20, and it was much the same as what you described above. Many of my friends met their wives at about the same time. And all of us have seen serious cracks in our marriages that we would have recognized in pre-marriage relationships had we waited a little before taking the plunge. Some have made it, some are divorced.

Just be very, very careful. You don't really even know her. Take that opportunity to get to know her first. You are in a phase of life where you are just becoming a man, she is just becoming a woman, and there is a lot going on.

My first piece of advice would be to ask her out on a date. My second piece of advice would be to take it very slowly if you two start something. Keep it light, and keep your relationship with God first. You've got other things to worry about. College. Careers. Establishing lasting friendships with the right people. Serving God.

If I may... I'd like to tell you some things I was too young and in experienced to consider when I first started dating. If I had, things may have ended up differently...

1. Do you know what you want in a woman? There are lots of women who "could be" the one. Initial attractions are a very powerful thing. But have you questioned your own long term desires, and does she fit that model at least somewhat?

2. Are you committed to seeking God's will in your life before a relationship? Sometimes God may lead you down a completely seperate road, and that pretty little thing smiling back at you may be a long term distraction . No reason you shouldn't date her, but keep your heart tuned to God's calling and plan.

Sit down and write a list of all the things that are important to you in a future wife. Much will depend on your future desires as a husband. Do you want kids? Do you want your wife staying at home? Do you want to spend free time in the outdoors or do you like city activities? Do you plan to go into missions? Do you have a career interest that will require much of your time? Do you need a clean, neat home or are you ok with being messy? How about finances? Do you want someone who likes sports or doesn't that matter? What about cars? Do you love pets? Do you need down time by yourself for more than a day or two at a time? Do you love to discuss politics and world events? Do you want to travel the world?

If the woman you want to get serious about doesn't match your desires in some of the areas above, or is not willing to support you in them, I'd reconsider getting too serious. Ask yourself these questions now, before you start getting involved with someone. Of course, God can change hearts dramatically, and you may be willing to sacrifice things for each other in order to be married.

Anyway, there is absolutely no rush. If she's the one for you, she'll be in your life even if things don't work out right away. Just take it slow. Don't get upset if she shows no interest in dating you. Maybe she's got some plans for her life, too. Become her friend, with no other expectations, and sometimes beautful things can grow out of that.

 

[shaaz_99]

Hi....i am a Girl.(obviously).....and i just wanted to say God Bless you Heart after God.
I also wanted to say AMEN to all that Southern Cross's comments.Keep your Heart after God and Follow his leading.You will not Be disappointed.

 

[shasta12c]

ok... here is 'my oppinion'
i dont believe there is a 'the one' if that were the case the world would be a mess with people who marry more than one person.. or die early leaving alot of other ppl who were supposed to be their mate.. eternally single
If two people are willing to work on a marriage it can work... tho you do have to have some things in common.. mainly Faith in Jesus!!!!!! hehe but it sounds like that isnt an issue here there are some things of importance that u need to agree on... ie.. divorce isnt an option, child training, if u are or arent having kids.. where to live, where to go to church... if u disagree on some of this stuff it could be trouble.. but most anything else is trivial.. a marriage takes alot of work and time.. but if you both serve and obey God there is no reason y it shouldnt work...
unfortunatly there isnt a scripture in the bible that says 'you are supposed to marry jane doe' hehe but if you think shes 'the one' then go for it seek some counsel from your pastor about it and her of course

well thats my oppionion on it.. so far it hasnt harmed me hehe my husband and I decided to marry after we had dated for only a week.. and married in less than 3 months hehe i wouldnt recommend that to everyone, but i dont regret it.. and today is my 5 year aniversary hehe ... not like weve been together forever.. but everything is working out great

 

[DaveKerwin]

1. Hey!

2. I would like you guys to pray that the Lord will give me direction in what I am to do.

3. I would also like suggestions on how I can let this girl know that she is Amazing, and that I want to be friends with her.

4. Also, how did you guys know that the person you married was "the one"?

1.

2. Will do that now.

3. JUST TELL HER! Get some guts brother! Just tell her! Trust me!

4. God left it up to me to put two and two together, it became obvious after a while. There is no magic formula to knowing, but there are practical things to determine (ie, overall compatibility, God's still voice, what he has taught you in scripture, what family/friends say, etc).

 

[Saint2be27]

I agree with So Cross. HeartAfterGod, I commend you for seeking Gods will.

I met my husband on a blind date that I didn't know about until he showed up on my doorstep, so I wouldn't call it love at first sight...I was in a bit of shock at that point. By the second date we both knew we would marry each other someday (I was 16 he was 17). How we knew it was right? Hard to explain...we both just KNEW it was right.

Happy anniversary Shasta

 

[Yitzchak]

I did some fasting and praying until I was sure. We all have our own unique way that we "know" things. You need to be 100% sure. But how that happens differs from person to person.

 

[HeartAfterGod]

Thank you soo much for your advice. Just to clear some things up:
I am not into getting into a dating relationship with anyone right now. I really love where I am at with the Lord. I think the same goes for this girl. Also, I think that if I did go up and tell her bluntly, she would be turned off by it. As far as what I want in a woman, I have never really wanted a girlfriend before, but all the girls that I have "noticed" before, I would take a mental note on what I liked most about them. So I have pretty much made a list in my mind of what I would like in a woman. I am afraid that if I wrote a list down now, it would be quite biased. There is just something different about this girl. She has soo many qualities that I look for in a wife. I almost feel the need to know her, more than the want to know her... if that makes any sense. Either way, the Lord shall have his way! Thank you soo much for your prayers and wisdom!