Seeking Help

ChristInAction · Nov 2, 2009

After burying the memories for years,
And then stuggling with the pain when the memories came back,
I'm finally getting help.
*shutters* im so scared. i've never really spoken about it.
i just want to 'get over it'. forget about it again.
I feel stupid, like im going to be wasting peoples time,
like it shouldn't affect me, i should just be able to get over it.
it happened so long ago.
but at the same time, i do think that God is in the situation, because ive been so alone for so long & His placed someone in my life to open up to, she has been the best support and still is, then someone to refer me to a counsellor specific in this area. one that is free and i don't need parent permission for.
its two weeks away and im so anxious. partly want to back out. its brought up so many memories, as well as going over what could happen in my head none stop. i'm living in my head so bad, and thats not a good place to be.

has anyone done counselling?
is it helpful/worthwhile?
how long does it take to get better?
what happens?
is saying about my SI bad to do?
anymore info or advice you could give would be great.
& maybe some support and prayers too.

noroses4u2c · Nov 2, 2009

It varies on the person how long it takes to get better.

Just take your time and don't rush it.

Criada · Nov 2, 2009

Counseling is usually very helpful, if you are able to open up and feel safe.
No one can say how long it takes for someone to get better, sweetie, it depends on so many different things.
If you can, tell the counselor about the SI, you need to be as honest as you can.

Praying for you, sweetie, and here if you want to talk.

Living4him09 · Nov 3, 2009

Criada said:
Counseling is usually very helpful, if you are able to open up and feel safe.
No one can say how long it takes for someone to get better, sweetie, it depends on so many different things.
If you can, tell the counselor about the SI, you need to be as honest as you can.

Praying for you, sweetie, and here if you want to talk.

I agree with Criada I haven't taken chance of the opportunity but I have talked to a few people here and at the RAINN crisis center, they have an online support center where you could chat with them and all. It has really helped me out over the past two days. If I was able to open up more with people in person I would totally go for it.

I just want to let you know that I am here for you

*shutters* im so scared. i've never really spoken about it. I can relate to how you feel, I just started talking about it aloud today.
i just want to 'get over it'. forget about it again. That is something that I have been wanted to do as well. But in a way today I have realized that talking about it actually does help.
I feel stupid, like im going to be wasting peoples time,
like it shouldn't affect me, i should just be able to get over it. I have felt this way too, like it shouldn't have as much affect as it really does. It's hard feeling like you should be able to just get over it, but it's really not that easy.
it happened so long ago.
but at the same time, i do think that God is in the situation, because ive been so alone for so long & His placed someone in my life to open up to, she has been the best support and still is, then someone to refer me to a counsellor specific in this area. one that is free and i don't need parent permission for. I am happy to hear that you have someone in your life who has been a great support for you, that is great to hear. I am sure it helps having someone to talk to, ask questions to and all.

ChristInAction · Nov 3, 2009

Thanks for your replies. I'm struggling a fair bit at the moment..

I figure this is something I'm going to have to do in therapy.. typing it seems easier. so we'll see how it goes & if i can leave it up.

3 years ago I started to remember. Kinda makes me feel crazy.

Between about 3 & 6, my uncle.. I remember pain & fear. My body remembers things my brain doesn't. It happened so many times. i wonder how my family could be so naive to not know. my pop did and let it keep going.

Then when I was 8, my cousin. Twice. My family did know about this and blamed me for it. He came back to visit a few months ago.. it felt like he had just as much power over me as he did then.

I always feel dirty. Disgusting. Worthless. Unloveable. And beyond repare.

The last year in the shops. This guys grabed me. He started licking my face, it was disgusting & he was way too strong for me to get away. How on earth can this happen in such a busy place without anyone help?
It made me wonder why God wants us to be nice to stangers.. he didn't seem 'right' and wanted someone to shake his hand, so i was doing as i though Jesus would do.. look where it got me..

Guess this is kinda a worthless post as thats about all i can get out. But wondered how much I could get out without a major freak out.

bubblefish · Nov 8, 2009

Hun, feel free to share when you can. I know how hard it is to speak (or even write about). Starting to remember it all is extremely difficult, and while it hurts now in time it will get easier again.

Hun, counselling is hard and scary to begin with - it is something I am still trying to work up the courage to start again - but for many people it can be extremely helpful. Here are some of the things that helped me the first time, or that others have told me help:

What to expect/advice:
- To start with, it shouldn't need to be too full-on
- Spend some time getting to know the therapist and see if you connect. If you don't, thats ok too! You need to be with someone who you can see yourself trusting some day.
- Take it one session at a time, and try and be as open as you can about your fears and questions. They know that you will be nervous - it is completely normal and good therapists will do all they can to help you feel comfortable
- If you have concerns/questions etc. I suggest that you write them down before you go and take them with you. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, and you might not be able to remember everything you wanted to know.
Some questions to think about asking (not sure if they are relevant):
- Company's policies on Self-injury (will they report every instance etc.). This doesn't have to be an admission, but can just be a hypothetical question
- does the therapist mind contact by email or phone?
- views on safe-touch
- costs (and if anything is covered by insurance)
- number of sessions available, and times of sessions
- what would happen if there was a difference of opinion between you and the therapist
- what kinds of methods they use - there are a large number of different theories and perspectives that can be used in practice. They all have official names, but your therapist should also be able to explain them, or give you direction on where to find information about them
- areas in which they specialise

Hun, I know how hard it is and I will be thinking of you!! Let us know how it goes!
(sorry if this is all coming out in random sections, I was just writing points as I remembered them)

ChristInAction · Nov 8, 2009

thanks heaps katie. thats really helpful. i will post how it goes. its good to talk to you again, its been so long.

i know the answers to most of those questions.. like i know its free. do you know what short-medium term is? thats how long it says that they do. they specialise in SA. but.. what are different methods? i thought counselling is just talking.. how can there be different ways of talking? sorry if im just really uninformed.. lol.

i hope u can get the courage to start again

bubblefish · Nov 10, 2009

i know the answers to most of those questions.. like i know its free. do you know what short-medium term is? thats how long it says that they do. they specialise in SA. but.. what are different methods? i thought counselling is just talking.. how can there be different ways of talking? sorry if im just really uninformed.. lol.

Short-term is usually only 2-3 sessons, medium term can be anything from 1 week to 2-3 months. Probably something you would want to ask them

With different methods, it is more an approach taken towards therapy. For example, some therapists will just help you to find ways to avoid triggers and cope when flashbacks/nightmares happen (this is usually in short-term, or even medium term therapy) while others will help you work through the actual events of your past so that you are not affected as much by the triggers (usually more long-term). And different therapists have different ideas/ways of working on this. Some may just sit and talk with you about the negatives of your past to help you become less intimidated by them while others may look at positive things in your life that you have now to work through it and focus on that. Others might not just rely on talking sessions but also try and get you to express yourself in other ways, such as through writing or art. Some give forms of 'homework', or things for you to work on/contemplate before the next session, while others don't. It really depends on the therapist.

Basically wait and see what they have to say, a lot of the time therapists will talk about all of this stuff in the introduction session, but sometimes they won't and you might need to ask them. Ask any questions you have, or concerns you have about what to expect until you feel comfortable and understand the answers. It can be extremely confusing if you haven't done counselling before, but the therapist will understand that and should be able to help you understand

I really hope this makes sense! I am a Social Work student so understand the different methods by name.. trying to explain them is actually quite hard!

Good luck Hun

ChristInAction · Nov 12, 2009

thanks for all the info.

eeep. it's tomorrow. its taken all my strength not to cancel. and i began to have a major freak out, but was thankfully diverted.

bubblefish · Nov 12, 2009

You are doing great hun! You can do this!!

Thinking of you

ChristInAction · Nov 12, 2009

*deep breathe* its over.
it was okay. she asked lots of questions, some were hard to answer, it got to a point where im just like. no. not gonna answer that. can't say it out aloud.
shaz came in with me & before we went to the place she gave me a purple giraffe. my fave animal & colour [not that she knew it was my fave animal] a lovely book & a letter.
she's young and was very supportive. & is the only coucellor that is able to pick up new clients without a waiting list.
its free and my next appointment is next friday, same time. we were going to talk about whether it was okay for me to see her without my mum knowing, but she rang back to say that it was completely fine, they would just like someone to be there to 'care for me' if i was ever suicidal or homocidal kinda thing. haha. i said noooooo. never. but shaz is going be that person for me.
I did tell her about SI because she asked. which was all okay.
yeah, and just said we're gonna work towards dealing with what happened & ways of coping. so, yeah. i think its gonna work out. God willing

bubblefish · Nov 13, 2009

That's fantastic Hun!! Sounds like you found one of the good ones.

I am glad that it is working out

Criada · Nov 14, 2009

I'm so glad it is working out, sweetie!
Praying that it continues to go well, and you are able to deal with the trauma and find some good coping strategies.

ChristInAction · Nov 14, 2009

thanks for the prayer. its is greatly appreciated.

ChristInAction · Nov 20, 2009

so i found out she is a psychologist. they just call them counsellors at the place

she gave me some stuff about 'dealing with flashbacks' and 'coping with stress' but they're not any different to the distractions/ways of coping with needing to cut that have never worked for me. but will give them another go...

Criada · Nov 20, 2009

If the strategies she gives you don't work, sweetie, tell her and she should be able to do something else for you.
Ask about EMDR - it worked very well for me in cutting down flashbacks a lot.

ChristInAction · Nov 20, 2009

they didn't >.< had horrible flashbacks last night. i haven't had quite so bad ones in a long time. deep breathing helped a lil but the questions took way too long to answer & didn't help. blah. im starting to feel like therapy isn't worth it.

what's EMDR?

Criada · Nov 21, 2009

EMDR
It sounds a little strange, but apparently it stimulates the brain to reprocess traumatic memories and store them properly rather than them remaining at the forefront of the mind.
I was skeptical when it was suggested, to be honest, but it was amazingly effective for me, and I know others have been helped by it as well. It's worth asking about.

I hope you find something that works soon, sweetie

Mayflower1 · Nov 24, 2009

I am so proud of you for doing this ChristinAction. And yes, telling your counselor about SI as well, really helps you. I think this is very important thing I had to learn in controlling it better, before we dove deeper into what happened, because the urges might come. It is so worth it though, because then it leaves room for Jesus to come and heal you, because you are working through your problems and slowly you will learn how to leave them at the foot of the cross...

Bless you,

Shara

ChristInAction · Nov 26, 2009

Thanks lily00

I have counselling tomorrow. I feel like really trying to express how bad those techniques were. but at the same time, I think im too shy to, or she'll think that the reason they don't work is because I'm doing something wrong! And I'm also too scared to ask about the EMDR, :/ hmmm.

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