Second-Hand Storms

[LunaLee]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Advice is nice
So is applause
But only one
Has a nobler cause . . .

So I give you
What may be a mess
But I hope I can
A single heart bless . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lol, just made that up off the top of my head
Anyway, here you go. Here's the real poem at hand




You felt this rain before me
You stood under these same clouds
You saw the lightning dare to strike
And drops fall in thick shrouds

You felt this thunder shake You
Rumbling to the rhythm of Your breath
You watched as the waters rose
And all of Your friends left

You stood right where I'm standing
Turned the sky back to blue
Yet here I am, soaking wet
\Wishing I were more like You

"Master, the tide is rising
The waves are much too rough
But I know You're here with me
And that will be enough."


Replies are lovely.

 

[LunaLee]

Oh yeah, I have another poem around here somewhere called Belong, still no comments on that one, so take a look at it if you like.

 

[Quixotic the Pedestrian]

I liked your poem.. sorry I slept on it before. I think I like to read poems that end up being longer.... or atleast maybe more descriptive. Like instead of just focusing on Jesus' circumstances you could try relating them a little bit closer to yourself.

I dunno, I liked it the way it is, because it's personal to you. I just found it a little difficult to relate deeply into your feelings. My favorite line was
Yet here I am, soaking wet
\Wishing I were more like You

 

[Silver Saint]

Not bad. I'd Change the wording around a bit, but that's probably just me. A few times I felt as though I stuttered as I was reading. For me, a poem must flow effortlessly, but again, don't take my word as gospel on the subject.

Go with God.

I am aware,
Isacc

 

[LunaLee]

Yeah,I see what you mean, I guess two stanzas of explaining what He went through was a little much. I'll try to make it relate a little more to myself.
And I'll smooth it out a bit, too, now I see how it's a little rocky in places.I know how it should sound, how to read it so it flows better because I wrote it, but I'm not the only one reading it, huh? So it's kinda hard to see where I should take stuff out and put things in, you know?
Anyway, thanks for the advice, guys, I like hearing from others and refining my poems