scared that my future is over.

[lovesbrightpink]

I am engaged to a good man. We do love eachother alot. he is very depressed and has a severe back injury that causes him not to be able to work. I support us both.

Lately things havnt been ok. He is short with me alot and he calls me annoying. I know that when he gets in depressed moods that he doesnt want me to talk to him but to me it just feels like he is pushing me away.

We have been together for 2 and a half years and I know that we are supposed to be together forever but this whole thing is becoming too much for me to handle. I just want to cry all day long.

I feel like he doesnt love me anymore. Sometimes he acts normal and tells me nice things and that he loves me etc but then other times he gets mad at me for trying to hug him. He was never this way before.

He tells me that he wants to leave and never come back because he is so depressed. I tell him that I dont deserve to be treated in a bad way because I try my best to treat him the best that I can, and all he says is then go find someone else.

I have never felt like we couldnt make it through this but now I feel that he doesnt want to.

Our wedding is in sep.

I know that we can have a future with children and have the life we want but all he tells me is that we will never have that because he cant go to college and that he will never make anything of himself.

I feel so lost. He is my best friend and I understand what he is going through yet he says no one does get how he feels. When I try to explain how I feel and how it effects me he tells me to stop talking because Im getting emotional and he really doesnt need that right now.

This isnt who he is. He wasnt like this before and I know that he isnt this person on the inside. But im lost. I feel alone alot now. I have no friends who I can confide in without everyone else knowing and I am now having anxiety about going to meet new people.

 

[.chrys.]

No easy answers in life! I'm sorry to hear that you're facing this problem so early on in your walk together. While it is true that your boyfriend doesn't deserve to be suffering from depression; it is equally as true that you don't deserve to be treated poorly.

Depression is difficult and overbearing, but it is no excuse to treat others poorly--especially a loved one.

Please, insist that your fiance get the help he needs. He will be better off for it, as will you and your future. He needs you to be his strength at this time (even though he's not aware of it).

~Witness

 

[UnitynLove]

With guys we usually just shut down when we are sad of depressed. He does love you but he feels unworthy. Tell him that are always here for him and that you don't care how he is you love him for him.

 

[lovesbrightpink]

I do try to tell him and cheer him up but I guess I come off as pushy and it doesnt really help him. He is better now he has been upset all day. Its just really hard for me to not talk to him and let him be sad. I know that if I was upset I would want to talk.

We have been going through this for a year and a half now. Ever since he got injured.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Hello sister,

hmm.. I agree with the above poster. I feel for his current problem, but that is no reason to take any of it out on someone who loves him and cares for him.

IMO depression is naturally a sidekick to another demon/sin. Naturally I would say ask what has been bugging him lately, but with the back injury that most likely is it. If I where him, being a man and not able to help myself or support my woman would mess with me. I wonder if his pride is causing him to think he is not worthy of help or strong desire to prove himself. Sorta dispising you because he could see it as a failure of himself. OR it could be something else. Both of you need an honous dicussion and he has to humble himself to what is causing him pain, other than back injury.

http://www.coping.org/growth/pride.htm

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Chronicles%207:14;&version=51;

2 Chronicles 7:14

"14 Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land. " -Lord

A great passage for your boyfriend.

I'm no expert or know how deep your relationship is. Personally I think you two need to hammer this out before you tie the knot. Just me thou.

Stay strong in the lord and I will pray for you too.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

May I ask what happened to his back?

 

[jsimms615]

I do try to tell him and cheer him up but I guess I come off as pushy and it doesnt really help him. He is better now he has been upset all day. Its just really hard for me to not talk to him and let him be sad. I know that if I was upset I would want to talk.

We have been going through this for a year and a half now. Ever since he got injured.

I'm not exactly sure what to tell you. I think though that if your still having these doubts in a couple of months I would seriously consider postponing the wedding. I would also encourage you to insist that he get some help. Being verbally abusive to you is not appropriate even if his back is hurting or he is feeling useless. That is not a good enough excuse. You need to make sure that he understands that your not going to put up with verbal abuse from him.
Marriage should be a lifetime commitment. It is hard to have these kinds of doubts going into a marriage and expect it to work for the rest of your lives.

 

[Liviu]

We have been going through this for a year and a half now. Ever since he got injured.

Don't get married! Chances are you're not going to take this advice, and chances are you're going to regret it.

The fact that this has been going on for a year and a half signals that something is very seriously wrong. You need to postpone the wedding and have him understand that his feelings are no excuse to treat you that way. If he won't or can't change, please do yourself and the world a favor and Don't get married!!! Bringing children into this world to be parented by a likely clinically depressed father who can't control himself is NOT what a good future mother should do.

I'm sorry if this sounds strong but believe me I know very well from personal experience how these situations end up 99% of the time.

The worst that can happen from doing like a 1 year wedding postponement is embarrasement, hurt feelings, planning challenges, and having to give explanations. But the worst that can happen from going through with the marriage is DISASTER. Just my opinion.

One more thing. Why don't you go see a psychiatrist and ask him for his/her opinion? Don't tell me that it wouldn't be a wise thing to do. Please do it.