Sad again.

[CraftyTurtle]

Sigh. I just can't seem to shake this slight depressed feeling. I experimented a bit with my AD, taking two instead of one. It appears to be working. I am one of the lucky ones who reacts to meds quickly. I noticed it when I stopped too. I'm gonna go see my doc in the morning. ...get a higher dose. ...or a different med. ....or something.

The depression lasts too long (a year) and the hypomania not long enough (few days)

I am sick of this. I need a fix.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

When you get sad, does it seem like it's about something in particular, or many things in general? Or is it just pure yucko don't know what's wrong?

 

[CraftyTurtle]

Depression is the unexplained neverending sads. Of course there's no reason. That's the hardest thing to explain to those who have never experienced it.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Depression is the unexplained neverending sads. Of course there's no reason. That's the hardest thing to explain to those who have never experienced it.

It is hard for someone who hasn't experienced it, to comprehend this isn't just "being down" about something -- like the wind is going to shift and it'll all just go away or something.

Believe me, I have felt it. I ask because there are different flavors and depth, and my intent was to hear your description rather than use my own assumptions, about what it was like -- it was an attempt at "active listening" which assists with empathy as I was trained to employ when I worked as a Youth Crisis telephone counselor in our county.

For myself, I spent four months wallowing around on a mattress 20 hours every day wishing the racing thoughts in my head would stop -- no matter WHAT that would take to happen. Never sleeping more than 10-15 minutes at a time, except a few hours under very powerful tranquilizers and that only works after a few days. Then my house burned down and I had to move with my wife and six children into two adjacent apartments (in a high crime area it turned out) for seven months while my house was repaired, and funny that mattress got destroyed in the fire. Friends, doctor, wife, all told me things would get better. But my mind was a mile a minute, convinced that they were not only wrong, but terribly so.

But for me, I had plenty of reasons. They added up to the point it was too much and then it was not about anything it was just a failed state.

If that's what you're describing then I do understand it. If it isn't, then that's OK too because I don't really need to understand it.

Alan

 

[RuthD]

Do you have bpII? I do. I experience a lot of sad days, too. I am taking medication but it isn't doing all I wish it would. I, too, am going to go see my doctor. Best wishes to you for finding the right med or dose. You are not alone.

 

[dabro]

I'm BPI and I experienced a whole year last year of self loathing.....It was horrible.....I even talked my doctor into giving me a stimulant to see if that would help but it didn't.....Then they put me on effexor xr and My current doctor has me labeled right now as MDD (Major Depression Disorder) but I have been to many IP doctors that said I have Bipolar. So I feel nice.....Like in the morning i have a lot of energy and I'm just out doing anything and everything.....I don't know if that is hypo mania or lifted depression. But......Effexor xr is know to throw people into mania. I'm not suggesting going to the doctor and getting on this because if what I went thru in 06-08 was hypo mania-the crash is beyond the pleasure.

 

[CraftyTurtle]

Thanks guys. It means a lot to know I am not alone.
An update: my GP has given me a referral to a psychiatrist. He's on vacation till monday, so hopefully I get a phone call monday or tuesday, to make an appointment.
Moving forward - in itself is helping.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

That's great! Thanks for the update!

 

[CraftyTurtle]

...and I am sticking with the higher dose of the anti-depressant. ....which is good because I have used up all of my leave. (the kind you don't need a medical certificate for)