Sacrifice (particually for the engaged)

[Inperfected]

This is more for engaged couples, but love dating couples answers too...

How much are you willing to sacrifice?

I've just been learning of true sacrifice in the last few days... How selfish are you? I am still. I will be married in 6 months and I dont want to have the same level of selfishness that I currently have.

I have been in the past, very selfish. Even recent past.
So I'm starting today.... No more selfishness with my things, or with my money, or with my time, even when i am tired. So i will walk the walks he wants, give the MP3 player he needs, buy food for him when I have a job, in essense, learn my role as a wife, now...

Anyone else in my position, or been here?

 

[Chan1976]

This is more for engaged couples, but love dating couples answers too...

How much are you willing to sacrifice?

I've just been learning of true sacrifice in the last few days... How selfish are you? I am still. I will be married in 6 months and I dont want to have the same level of selfishness that I currently have.

I have been in the past, very selfish. Even recent past.
So I'm starting today.... No more selfishness with my things, or with my money, or with my time, even when i am tired. So i will walk the walks he wants, give the MP3 player he needs, buy food for him when I have a job, in essense, learn my role as a wife, now...

Anyone else in my position, or been here?

I think all of us have different levels of innate selfishness, which is part of our sinful nature. For me, it's a different area. I have no problems making sacrifices with the external stuff: money, time, inconveniences are fine (well-trained since we'd been through a 1.5-yr LDR), but I sometimes find myself selfishly inconsiderate towards his feelings during conversation, especially when we have different points of view.

I have been trying (with the help of the book "His needs her needs", great book!) to make sacrifices in this area, and learning not to insist on doing things my way all the time, but rather respect and honor him. He is accommodating and sweet-tempered, and honestly, I don't deserve him... but I'm trying .

 

[Inperfected]

and learning not to insist on doing things my way all the time, but rather respect and honor him

Hmm... Thanks... that one just hit me nicely.. That's an area i struggle with...

 

[Leanna]

I hope that he too is doing these things for you

 

[Inperfected]

Yeah, he does. Most the time that is, as no one is perfect..

 

[murple_kitty]

I dunno. I am not a very selfish person. As a child, I had alot of faults that my parents would say I needed to work on but selfishness was never one. With my boyfriend, because he is my best friend, I want him to be happy, I want to do things for him that make him happy. It helps that he is not selfish either. The biggest sacrifice that we have gone through is probably the fact that we have to be accountable, where we were what we were doing. Not to our parents, because we both grew up and still live with our parents but to each other. But, we have come to look upon that as a privelege. It's alot of fun. I like knowing him and doing things for him and even giving up things for him. I dunno, maybe I am just odd

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

I have sacrificed almost everything for him. He had to go home to get medical treatments and we've been long distance for a year and a half now.
By long distance, I mean 3000 miles.

Anyway, we don't see each other often. All my money goes to save up for his next trip out. All my money goes for our wedding.

 

[eyeliv4God]

This really hit home for me...

Jeremy has his own business (he's converting an old restaurant into an apartment building/tanning salon) and even though he works almost all the time, he still takes the time to see me... this includes taking me to his building.

At first, I was intrigued and wanted to help him out with things. After a while, I then became lazy and would just let him work. I'd make excuses not to help him out. Now I realize... could I have been any more selfish?! I'm actually quite embarrassed for having been so selfish. He's working hard and putting almost everything he has into this project. The rest of his time is spent with me. In fact, all of his time is spent with me, and I couldn't help him with a few things?

Although I'm quite a girly-girl and really big on being clean and staying clean, I've found that I don't mind getting my hands dirty or pounding a hammer for him, as long as he teaches me and doesn't just tell me what to do. If he just tells me to do something and doesn't tell me why I'm doing it or what purpose it'll serve, it doesn't help me in the motivation department.

Basically, what I did was decide today that I would start compromising and helping him. I would start asking him questions so that he could teach me, I could learn, and in doing so, gain motivation to help him.

Wow, I just realized I got way off track, LOL.

Here is a man that would do anything for me (including purchasing a diamond solitaire promise/engagement ring over the weekend!). Here is a man who, even though uber busy, who makes time to be with me! Here is a man who is not judgemental. Here is a man who wants to be with me for the rest of his life. How am I repaying him? By being lazy and selfish! This is not the way to do things!

I must learn to sacrifice and compromise and keep an open mind if I want to marry him.

I don't know what else to say... I guess this was more of a lecture/rant to myself more than anything.

 

[MN John]

What am I prepared to sacrifice?

I am ready to sacrifice my friendships and associations because I will be moving away from all of them. I am ready to sacrifice my prestige because I will be starting anew in a new community and will have to earn my position there from scratch. I am ready to sacrifice my security of knowing what my income will be before and after retirement because I will not be retiring from the institution that I had planned to. I'm ready to sacrifice the things that I have striven for in the past such as a comfortable, modern, low-maintenance home in a quiet neighborhood, a short commute, etc. I'm ready to walk away from my church and ministry associations and find new ones. I'm ready to leave behind the culture that I have known and adapt to a different one. In short, I am ready to walk away from just about everything that I would have mentioned as comprising "my life."

And do you know what? It's not a big deal. I had thought that it might be. I had wondered whether I could do it. But when you know that you have found God's choice for your future spouse then it is all so very worth it! I think of [bible]matthew 13:44[/bible]and Jan is my great treasure. No sacrifice is really a sacrifice when you gain so much more than you give up!

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Yeah, I think we all battle with selfishness. It's part of our sinful nature. I won't say I'm perfect by any means, but I try, and don't do to bad...I think. I guess it depends by who's standard. Anyway, the best way I found to go about it was to just decide that you were going to do your best to not be selfish, and do what was best for them and not for yourself. I know it's a lot easier said than done.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Sometimes I'm selfish in wanting more of his time. He's working on his Masters and one of his classes is really a struggle. When he's here sometimes I keep holding on to him and don't let him go. (I did let him go on Sunday with just a slight delay.)

I don't really have a problem with money. He pays if it's just the two of us, but when we go out with my whole family to the movies or dinner I won't let him pay. He pays ridiculous rent and tuition. He does offer to pay though.

 

[Amy47]

Sometimes I'm selfish in wanting more of his time. He's working on his Masters and one of his classes is really a struggle. When he's here sometimes I keep holding on to him and don't let him go. (I did let him go on Sunday with just a slight delay.)

I don't really have a problem with money. He pays if it's just the two of us, but when we go out with my whole family to the movies or dinner I won't let him pay. He pays ridiculous rent and tuition. He does offer to pay though.

I feel like I just got slapped in the face! Just last night I was upset at my bf cuz I felt like he was spending most of his time at work and not enough tiem with me. But really he's working hard so that we can have a good start to our marriage which is coming up in a year. But I chose not to look at it that way. So from now on no more being selfish.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I feel like I just got slapped in the face! Just last night I was upset at my bf cuz I felt like he was spending most of his time at work and not enough tiem with me. But really he's working hard so that we can have a good start to our marriage which is coming up in a year. But I chose not to look at it that way. So from now on no more being selfish.

Hope it didn't hurt too much. Sometimes I have twinges where I feel like he should be trying to spend more time with me, but logically I know that the time we spend together is already cutting in to sleep and study time. When we are together we always part very late and both of us have gone to work with too little sleep.

 

[Inperfected]

With less than 5 months til our wedding, we are needing to spend more um "quality time" I guess... Not relaxing together thinking 'lifes all good!'. We really need to get our little bottoms into gear! And I dunno what happened, but he seems to be sacrificing for me... he all of a sudden went from avoiding the wedding talk (or not actually honestly caring) to wanting to be involved in it all, and continuously asking questions about how i want it, and telling me what he's thought of.... WOW!