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CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
Root of Bitterness =(
- Thread starter ashysc
- Start date
hopeinGod
A voice crying in the wilderness
- Jul 26, 2004
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I don't think it is particularly out of God's will for contention and discord to erupt. In fact, I think He often uses it to move folks in different, new and varying directions.
Some believers simply will not acknowledge their antagonistic ways no matter what is said to them, or who says it. They think themselves always the victim, that everyone else is of fault for the rough times.
The best way to deal with unruly people is to flatly tell them off and to declare boundaries.
Not knowing about or understanding boundaries is a characteristic of those raised within dysfunctional families. I know this well because I was raised through the worst sort of hell; I never learned how to correctly live among others with regard to privacy, and all those things you listed. I eventually learned them through teachings outside the church, i.e. John Bradshaw's family series.
Too many people haven't even the first tool for conducting their lives in a mature, civil manner. They have no clue that the tools they need to mature must be learned; they're not born with them.
It takes a special person to take on such a person of dsyfunction. Plus that person who accepts such a challenge must have a systematic program of teaching as well as a very teachable student.
My suggestion for the present is as I wrote previously. Make your point, even if it has to be done dramatically.
Dave
Some believers simply will not acknowledge their antagonistic ways no matter what is said to them, or who says it. They think themselves always the victim, that everyone else is of fault for the rough times.
The best way to deal with unruly people is to flatly tell them off and to declare boundaries.
Not knowing about or understanding boundaries is a characteristic of those raised within dysfunctional families. I know this well because I was raised through the worst sort of hell; I never learned how to correctly live among others with regard to privacy, and all those things you listed. I eventually learned them through teachings outside the church, i.e. John Bradshaw's family series.
Too many people haven't even the first tool for conducting their lives in a mature, civil manner. They have no clue that the tools they need to mature must be learned; they're not born with them.
It takes a special person to take on such a person of dsyfunction. Plus that person who accepts such a challenge must have a systematic program of teaching as well as a very teachable student.
My suggestion for the present is as I wrote previously. Make your point, even if it has to be done dramatically.
Dave
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tobethebest
Veteran
It's like anything else, nip it........and don't let the things you might say come back to haunt you. You've prayed enough about it, you've overlooked as much as is humanly possible. Take aim and let'er rip.
Consider the things that have occurred in the Bible. Could you imagine David feeling condemned for ridding the world of Goliath? And all you are asking for is that this particular person show discipline towards women and other members of your little group. For a man, your problem would seem very simple to accomplish. Christian or otherwise, when most men consider someone or something intolerable, they usually confront the individual and bring it to an end. Your husband needs to value your comfort more than this guy's (?) friendship and end your qrief, if you can't. All my wife has to do is make me aware that some man is making her uncomfortable. I will revert to Old Testament ways and take no prisoners.
Samson slew a thousand men with the jawbone of an ass. Now that is getting the job done in a permanent way. A bit drastic in your situation but nonetheless that is all some people understand. All you have to do is show this man the door and tell him hope it doesn't slap him on the way out." Seeeeeeeeeee Ya !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And it isn't you who needs a therapist.
Consider the things that have occurred in the Bible. Could you imagine David feeling condemned for ridding the world of Goliath? And all you are asking for is that this particular person show discipline towards women and other members of your little group. For a man, your problem would seem very simple to accomplish. Christian or otherwise, when most men consider someone or something intolerable, they usually confront the individual and bring it to an end. Your husband needs to value your comfort more than this guy's (?) friendship and end your qrief, if you can't. All my wife has to do is make me aware that some man is making her uncomfortable. I will revert to Old Testament ways and take no prisoners.
Samson slew a thousand men with the jawbone of an ass. Now that is getting the job done in a permanent way. A bit drastic in your situation but nonetheless that is all some people understand. All you have to do is show this man the door and tell him hope it doesn't slap him on the way out." Seeeeeeeeeee Ya !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And it isn't you who needs a therapist.
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Sometimes we have to learn how to ignore the way we feel and think and choose to walk in the Spirit. It's hard to obey God when we don't feel like it, but the truth is that we can if we choose to. God is developing patience in you. Patience=The admirable endurance of a trying person or situation. The key word is endurance, we must learn to endure in an admirable way.
A mature Christian is one who can master their emotions (anger, dissapointment) and act the way Christ wants them to regardless of how they feel or think. What other option do we have at times? The Lord wants us learn to walk in the Spirit not by feelings. Don't "depend" on the Holy Spirit to do for you what God is asking you to do for Him. The Holy Spirit won't make you obey, you must choose to obey Him. We not only smile when we feel like it, but when God asks us to. I pray this helps you
A mature Christian is one who can master their emotions (anger, dissapointment) and act the way Christ wants them to regardless of how they feel or think. What other option do we have at times? The Lord wants us learn to walk in the Spirit not by feelings. Don't "depend" on the Holy Spirit to do for you what God is asking you to do for Him. The Holy Spirit won't make you obey, you must choose to obey Him. We not only smile when we feel like it, but when God asks us to. I pray this helps you
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First of all... what is really upsetting you about this? I'm getting the feeling you're not telling the whole story. Being a little brash and flirtatious will not make someone physically ill. You need to come to face with the reality (if not here, to yourself) of what is really making you so upset.
Is she doing something that is harming others?
Or is she doing something that just doesn't jive well with you?
If the truth is, she just rubs you the wrong way, then stop worrying about her feelings (she clearly isn't worrying about yours) and spit it out. Tell her that you're telling her straightly because you're not worried about your friendship, because friends must never carry hidden resentment. But don't fool yourself, maybe she has some hidden feelings that might come out too. If she goes in a huff, let her be. She's in God's hands then, let Him work it out with her. Just assure her that you love her in Christ's body.
But if what she is doing is harmful to others... you have no reason to be timid. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's your duty. God has pointed this out to you for a reason. Maybe she'll be angry at first, but a brother who allows his brother to sin does not love him. He corrects because he loves.
Consider what I have said. You know the answer. You've prayed about it enough. Just stop being afraid of what will happen. Taking no action is often worse than taking the wrong action. Fear is a tactic of the enemy. Don't allow that fear to stop you from doing what you know is right.
Is she doing something that is harming others?
Or is she doing something that just doesn't jive well with you?
If the truth is, she just rubs you the wrong way, then stop worrying about her feelings (she clearly isn't worrying about yours) and spit it out. Tell her that you're telling her straightly because you're not worried about your friendship, because friends must never carry hidden resentment. But don't fool yourself, maybe she has some hidden feelings that might come out too. If she goes in a huff, let her be. She's in God's hands then, let Him work it out with her. Just assure her that you love her in Christ's body.
But if what she is doing is harmful to others... you have no reason to be timid. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's your duty. God has pointed this out to you for a reason. Maybe she'll be angry at first, but a brother who allows his brother to sin does not love him. He corrects because he loves.
Consider what I have said. You know the answer. You've prayed about it enough. Just stop being afraid of what will happen. Taking no action is often worse than taking the wrong action. Fear is a tactic of the enemy. Don't allow that fear to stop you from doing what you know is right.
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