ROMANCE

[Living4Him03]

My first question is do any of you have a real need for romance? Like, in daily life-such as just adventure and stopping to smell the roses, and thinking about love and kindness, etc.? How about in relationships? Do you need to get little presents or have your partner tell you how much they care or other romantic type things?

Second, do you think the following or any of the following is romantic (that my b/f does/has done)?

helping you get organized
sending a short email, not very often, but just sometimes for no reason
emailing links to comics so that you can look at them so they make you laugh
very rare, but wonderful, surprise phone calls
encouraging and supporting you with accomplishing your goals

 

[John the Engineer]

Those can be romantic, but are not in and of themselves. I don't feel the need to have romantic things done for me, but I definitely have the need to do them for my girlfriend. I often times write her poems, leave her messages telling her how I miss her and love her (that's romantic, just calling or e-mailing to say hi is, maybe?) and things like that.

Romance is all about perception. Nothing is romantic unless it's perceived to be, and that's what needs to be judged by you. If he's not being romantic enough then you either need to make sure he understands what you find romantic, or find someone who romances you the way you want to be romanced!

I know a lot of guys simply believe that "surprises" of almost any nature are romantic. This is very not true. I surprised my girlfriend for her birthday (a week after we had already celebrated it) by having some friends all go out. This was not romantic, but was sweet. Big difference.

For Valentines day I wrote her a poem for every day of the week then a nice long poem for Valentine's itself, that I believe is romantic. I also read it to her on the beach where we first kissed at sunset.

Romance is subjective, and so none of us can give you a decision about the romance of this or that because it's all up to your perception of what is romantic.

 

[Living4Him03]

You're right, I guess I was just feeling like I'm being too hard on him with the romance thing. He has no clue! I mean, it's so sweet when he does the things I mentioned for me, I love that he cares about me and shows it in those ways, but on Valentines I was hoping I'd get a card in the mail or at least a free e-greeting or something. I got this two sentence email...It was really sweet cuz getting him to email me is like pulling teeth, but at the same time I was wishing he had done something a bit more romantic. I've even given him ideas! I usually think of romantic stuff to do for him, but it's what I think is romantic. So, I try to find out things he thinks are romantic. It seems like he doesn't know to do the same for me. Am I being hard on him by expecting him to do things that are romantic according to me, or should I expect him to be more romantic? Am I being idealistic to expect him or any guy to do the little romantic things I crave? Is wanting romance selfish? I sure feel selfish.

 

[Warrior Poet]

My first question is do any of you have a real need for romance?

I dont have a "need" a want maybe but those are much different.

Like, in daily life-such as just adventure and stopping to smell the roses, and thinking about love and kindness, etc.?

hehe.... im missing the corralation between this and romance. I think about love and kindess all the time, it just seems like something that should be at the the front of our minds and tip of our tounges. You know who i find myself being the nicest too..... fast food workers. They get so much junk.... ask them how there day was sometime over half dont have a stright answer cause they never get asked. *plus chances lower that they spit in your food....LOL*

How about in relationships?

I think its a must to be romantic...and loving and kind

Do you need to get little presents or have your partner tell you how much they care or other romantic type things?

Me personally i dont need presents, I however do enjoy taking "her" shopping and buying things for her, though in all honesty in most cases words speak louder then $$$$$$$$$ anyday.

Second, do you think the following or any of the following is romantic (that my b/f does/has done)?

helping you get organized
sending a short email, not very often, but just sometimes for no reason
emailing links to comics so that you can look at them so they make you laugh
very rare, but wonderful, surprise phone calls
encouraging and supporting you with accomplishing your goals

Yes I do.
Do you?

Warrior Poet

 

[Living4Him03]

I think they're romantic to HIM, but to me they're just sweet, I think romance is having to go out of your way a bit or to do something you know that person will really like, putting in time and effort. I like getting e-greetings, cards, letters, little inexpensive presents, phone calls, surprise visits, cooking for me, planning a romantic dinner, or just when my guy will do little things that show he really knows me or is thinking of me, like picking out a movie for us to watch that isnt something he might like, but is something he knows I would really like, or bringing me reese's peanut butter cups when he goes to the store to get something, none of which i've ever gotten. But, should I expect my guy to do that if I tell him what I like? Is there a good way to tell a guy he should be more romantic? Is there a point where you just give up?

Sorry bout all the questions!

 

[LifeInYou]

...a two sentence email on Valentine's Day?

How long have y'all been dating?

 

[Living4Him03]

On Valentines it was just about 5 months

 

[LifeInYou]

Hmm...did you know he was like this before you guys began dating? Because it sounds like you're kind of surprised at his behavior. The only things I can suggest are a) try to explain to him again very specifically the kinds of things you like, b) maybe ask him if he's still even interested, and let him know that you feel 'unsure' about his interest in you because of the lack of 'romantic' gestures, and then c) evaluate if you can geniunely be happy be him, even if nothing changes from this point forward

sorry, you're in a difficult situation

 

[Krystina661]

My first question is do any of you have a real need for romance? Like, in daily life-such as just adventure and stopping to smell the roses, and thinking about love and kindness, etc.? How about in relationships? Do you need to get little presents or have your partner tell you how much they care or other romantic type things?

Second, do you think the following or any of the following is romantic (that my b/f does/has done)?

helping you get organized
sending a short email, not very often, but just sometimes for no reason
emailing links to comics so that you can look at them so they make you laugh
very rare, but wonderful, surprise phone calls
encouraging and supporting you with accomplishing your goals

I personally feel the need for romance. My ex-husband was never romantic (which is one of the reasons our marriage didn't work out), and I always remember craving for it. As far as thinking about love and kindness.. all the time. Romance is about making the other person feel good by showing how much you love them. Most women have fantasized about romance since they were little.. and we can sometimes be more vulnerable to it. Encouraging, and supporting you with your goals sounds romantic

Don't know about the only rarely calling you, or not sending you many emails, but I don't really know the situation. Just as long that it makes you feel special.

 

[John the Engineer]

Hmm...did you know he was like this before you guys began dating? Because it sounds like you're kind of surprised at his behavior. The only things I can suggest are a) try to explain to him again very specifically the kinds of things you like, b) maybe ask him if he's still even interested, and let him know that you feel 'unsure' about his interest in you because of the lack of 'romantic' gestures, and then c) evaluate if you can geniunely be happy be him, even if nothing changes from this point forward

sorry, you're in a difficult situation

Highly disagree on something, don't ask him "if he's still even interested" because that's not really fair. It can be taken very poorly from a guy's perspective. To use a very bad analogy (but I am a guy afterall), I care for my car and take care of it as best I can, but it doesn't mean I check the oil and clean it as often as it would like (I'm not joking, my cars are very tempermental!)

Communication is definitely important. You need to feel comfortable enough with him to tell him what you need. If you can't do that then you need to break up. But think of it from his perspective, as someone said, girls think about romance for most all their lives. Guys, typically (I am a rare case possibly?) don't, at all, think about romance. They think about other things when it comes to the relationship. I'd venture to say that most guys don't realize what romance is or how to be romantic. You just need to talk to him, and pray he'll be receptive.

DO NOT BURY YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU WANT BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF HOW HE'LL RESPOND!!! If you can't be open with him in what you desire then your relationship does not have a good basis to go on. How many other things will you "let slide" before you're hurt.

Romance is a serious necessity in a relationship. Some crave it more than others, some feel it more strongly than others, but it's something that should exist in a proper relationship.

 

[LifeInYou]

Highly disagree on something, don't ask him "if he's still even interested" because that's not really fair. It can be taken very poorly from a guy's perspective.

Good point. I guess that was just my insecurities speaking since I imagined myself in the situation. Although sometimes that really may be the case- that one partner is just not as interested but they can't be up front about it(unfortunately i've experienced this). Just be honest with him about however you feel, but you already know that.

 

[John the Engineer]

Good point. I guess that was just my insecurities speaking since I imagined myself in the situation. Although sometimes that really may be the case- that one partner is just not as interested but they can't be up front about(unfortunately i've experienced this). Just be honest with him about however you feel, but you already know that.

I totally know what you're going through. Sometimes it feels like because they aren't showing feelings the way you want them, or doing things you would really appreciate you wonder if they care. Unfortunately in my case it's that she's withheld from doing it as well.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

i like spontaneous acts of love and cuteness.

Lol, my favorite one is "borrowing" a flower from the campus grounds and putting it somewhere with a note for her to find it.

 

[Living4Him03]

I am not sure my guy knows what a flower is! hehe...oh well. He's not quite as amused with nature as I am.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Have you read The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman? It talks about various ways of giving and receiving love (words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, physical touch). Most people have one or two of these they appreciate most. It IS a legitimate need/want to have love expressed in a way you can feel it...

What I'd do if I were you is ask him what you do that makes him feel special... and then tell him what does the same for you. Romance doesn't happen without a bit of efffort on both parts