revenge & forgivness

[androiddream]

i was always emotional intelligence, stupid and desperate, hypersensitive by nature and too attached to overprotective mother as child whom i hated so much later, raised to turn the other cheek, i never had any defence mechanisms..everytime the idea came to me i should have them, i told my self i'm worthless weirdo and i deserve to be tortured. i've always been harrased by those who enjoy destroying the weak or weird, not norm-al., those who get high on embarrasing people in front of others, who feed on your complex of less worth. moreover that i live in a fisherman village with 1000 people where it's considered normal and desirable to brutally mock each other.

and always the shame of this weakness, that until now (i am 28) i never realized i should take a distance from such people, defend myself. i was always getting angry at jokes at my expense, that's plain being emotionaly stupid, so that anyone who tried to provoke me could, retards, kids.. it's innate to human (and animal) nature to sense fear, and attack it. i know i have to forgive, move on. but how could i be so stupid and let them enjoy my suffering..i never fought for my self and now i have to pay the price of hate and regret. hypersensitivity is a serious illness, and i found no cure so far. humans are like hyenas. if i could only go back to when i was i child i'd make sure to teach myself how important it is to respect and defend yourself. i always used to justify those who humiliated me blaming it on my self. my whole life i felt less worthy which made me a easy target for cretenoids. instead of becoming smarter, i waited my whole life for people to become nice. my heart seeks revenge, i live blame and regret. this is what happenes when you go through life without self-respect and defense-mechanisms. i ask god to help me forgive myself, move on and focus on things i love and that's what i am trying to do. to anyone with similar issues, don't let people bleed you, don't give them the pleasure. god loves all.

 

[Ruthie24]

Hi androiddream,

I'm writing to let you know I read your post and I don't want you to give up hope on yourself. It sounds that you have belittled yourself a great deal and put yourself down a lot. I want to let you know that you are not alone in your journey. I too have gone through years of self hatred and letting people bully me until I gave myself permission that it's ok to defend myself when attacked. One thing I did was finally going after a malicious twisted supervisor who has intentionally falsified my evaluations and even lied blatantly about when she was my supervisor. (I hired attorneys and had her investigated as well as threatened the department with a cease and desist or face a lawsuit. Bullying is unfortunately allowed at many corporations.) From this I learned that I have a right to be free from abuse no matter what I have to do to get it. So please don't give up on yourself. You are a beautiful child of God and you deserve righteous treatment!

 

[RuthD]

I felt like you do at a point in my life. I was tired of being put down, laughed at, bullied in general. I was raised to be nice to those who hurt me. I never stood up for myself but became very resentful and angry. I went to a counselor and asked her to teach me to be assertive. It's a way of expressing oneself without stepping on others toes. Then I let everyone know what was up with me. One thing is though, I didn't realize how others would react to me. A lot of my family would not talk to me for defending myself. I wanted them to be nice to me but they didn't. They talked behind my back at how I insulted them. I only told them my feelings. In hindsight I wouldn't change it, though. They treat me much better today as time has passed.

 

[androiddream]

good that you chose to stand up for yorself and that your family is not judgeful towards you. what my post is about is my regret i let cretens put me down and humiliate me, although i notice everybody has this tendency if you let them, from the clumsiest person to the biggest jack. as i said, most people are veery predictable and how you project yourself is how they see you. keep them at the healthy distance.

 

[RuthD]

My family was judgemental towards me but they got over it. What is a creten? Yes, I agree it is important to keep many at a distance but not everyone. Not everyone will put you down and humiliate you. Hopefully.

 

[Ruthie24]

My family was judgemental towards me but they got over it. What is a creten? Yes, I agree it is important to keep many at a distance but not everyone. Not everyone will put you down and humiliate you. Hopefully.

A creten is a hairy, slightly hunch backed, dirty smelly creature who often burps and farts very loudly. They cuss in several different languages, their eyes are crossed, and they have big hairy feet with warts. I've never met a creten that didn't wear plumber pants because i swear you could see their crack a mile away. Sometimes they go by the name Bob and occasionally Madge lol.

And that's a joke ;-)

 

[pink kitty]

I think I used to feel like you at one point. Being hypersensitive makes life so much harder but can also be a strength, you have or can develop empathy which too many lack. Even some who call themselves healers. (physician heal yourself )

Peace to you, my thoughts and prayers are with you

Pink kitty

 

[olderguy]

Now that you realized all this, you can start to do something about it. You're still a young man and ideally you should plan to move away. Living in a small town is going to make this worse because you're right, creepazoids are all too common. But let me tell you something about people like that. They have a secret vulnerability that they fear someone might discover. That's why they mock others. The saying, "the best defense is a strong offense" applies to them. Right now you just want to get them back, but that's not the best thing to do. Although you may have to do it a little if you can find their soft spot. But ultimately God wants us to forgive cretins.

There are good people but we're few and far between. That's why I said moving to another town might be best. And then try and use your ability to sense emotions to help other people who are still in distress. You'll also find when you help someone else, you also help yourself.

God Bless.

 

[androiddream]

'creten' means a jerk. i agree with you.

My family was judgemental towards me but they got over it. What is a creten? Yes, I agree it is important to keep many at a distance but not everyone. Not everyone will put you down and humiliate you. Hopefully.

 

[androiddream]

i moved 3 times to a big city and back, but people are more less the same everywhere. you'r right, cretens are usually f.up, they wouldnt have the need to put others down otherwise, but unfortunatelly, i found from experience, most people are like this to some extent, from the clumsiest looser to biggest jack, they all obey the superior and tend to destroy the inferior. this kind of behaviour is not only wide accepted but is rather encouraged in our society. i found hard to accept it. but it gives them sooo much pleasure to destroy the weak. i used to be like that in some situations, then i went to other extreme for a long time, forbidding myself to put anyone down just to find these "inferirors" are aswell lurking the weakness and they love to put you down if you let them no less than superior ones. so you simple dont let them. i dont think much about most of the people. times are changig, the coming generations will be less barbarian hopefully.

Now that you realized all this, you can start to do something about it. You're still a young man and ideally you should plan to move away. Living in a small town is going to make this worse because you're right, creepazoids are all too common. But let me tell you something about people like that. They have a secret vulnerability that they fear someone might discover. That's why they mock others. The saying, "the best defense is a strong offense" applies to them. Right now you just want to get them back, but that's not the best thing to do. Although you may have to do it a little if you can find their soft spot. But ultimately God wants us to forgive cretins.

There are good people but we're few and far between. That's why I said moving to another town might be best. And then try and use your ability to sense emotions to help other people who are still in distress. You'll also find when you help someone else, you also help yourself.

God Bless.