restraining order

[Dan the Man]

I can't see or talk to my boys because of a restraining order but I miss them so much. I have been a horrible example for them and I feel so bad about. I wish there was a way to tell them i'm sorry and I love them.

 

[xTx]

I can't see or talk to my boys because of a restraining order but I miss them so much. I have been a horrible example for them and I feel so bad about. I wish there was a way to tell them i'm sorry and I love them.

I am not sure what are the dos and don'ts of a restraining order.

Are you allowed to send them a card? How about text message?

 

[Darkhorse]

Follow the terms and conditions of the restraining order, and maybe the conditions will be loosened eventually.

You have to play the game well on these legal things.

 

[Dan the Man]

yes darkhorse I am painfully aware of that and it kills me because the only thing that matters to me in this life is my kids and being kept from them is torture. the only thing ive ever been proud of in my life is being a dad, and now I know I have been a horrible example and I feel shameful. xtx I am not allowed to contact them in anyway. I was sending them letters but that was cut off too. I hate it.

 

[xTx]

yes darkhorse I am painfully aware of that and it kills me because the only thing that matters to me in this life is my kids and being kept from them is torture. the only thing ive ever been proud of in my life is being a dad, and now I know I have been a horrible example and I feel shameful. xtx I am not allowed to contact them in anyway. I was sending them letters but that was cut off too. I hate it.

When the time comes, show them that you are the best Dad ever

In the mean time, please take good care of yourself.

If you don't how can you be the best Dad ever? You might be too weak/unwell.

Be strong.

Do things that discourage negative feelings and encourage positive feelings.

 

[Dan the Man]

thank you for your encouragement xtx...it means a lot.

 

[xTx]

thank you for your encouragement xtx...it means a lot.

You are welcome

 

[Inkachu]

Dan - I'm gonna give you a little bit of tough love here, so bear with me. OK? You said "the only thing that matters to me in this life is my kids", but in the same breath, you admit to being "a horrible example" to them. I don't know your whole story, but if you admit to being a horrible example, and there's a restraining order in place, you've possibly done some pretty rotten things. That means that, at least to some degree, in the past, something DID matter to you more than your kids. Because for whatever reason, in those horrible moments, you chose behaviors that would eventually lead to this separation from your children. The first step in getting back on the right path to the being the father you need to be, is admitting the truth. And you need to admit that you did let something else come before your kids, and you need to look that truth in the face and not hide from it.

The second thing I wanted to say is that you should NOT be idle as a father during this time. Even if the court has ordered you to not contact your children, you CAN be doing things as a father right now. You can be praying for them, morning, noon, and night. You can be writing letters to them (keep them until you're legally allowed to share them). You can be keeing a journal of everything you want to say them throughout the day - again, to be shared with them once you're able to see them again.

As someone else said, the most important thing you can do right now is get closer to God. Self pity and despair will do you no good right now, and certainly won't benefit your children. When the day comes that you're allowed to contact them again, do you want them to find their father depressed, bitter, and miserable? Or do you want them to find their father confident, strong, and trustworthy? Now is the time to become the father you want them to have. Don't wait for tomorrow.

 

[Dan the Man]

ok

 

[Dan the Man]

yes I did put something before them. work. and it is the stupidest decision ive ever made in my life. all of the horrible things in my life have been caused by that stupid job and things can never be the same again. I thought I was being a responsible husband and father but really I was just tearing my family to shreds and killing people. I have resigned to the fact that I will never see my kids again. I am done being delusional and feeling sorry for myself. it just is what it is.

 

[Inkachu]

Nah dude, you're still feeling sorry for yourself, and you're not seeing things the way they really are. I know you're still in the midst of your pain and anger, and that clouds your perspective. The rest of your life does NOT have to be this way. Don't your kids deserve a dad who showed them how to overcome and turn his life around? Wouldn't you rather leave them that kind of legacy than one of a dad who gave up and stopped trying?

Stop trying to figure out the rest of your life and everything else. Right now, you need to focus on healing yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Stop wallowing in regrets over things that you have no power to change! Focus on what you CAN change, which is your own attitude, your own determination to live, and to be the best man you can be for your children. Being sick or disabled does NOT make you less of a father or less of a man. It only means you have unique challenges to overcome. You have the chance to become an inspiration. Whether you take that path or not is totally up to you.

 

[Dan the Man]

ok. im still feeling sorry for myself because im a weakass excuse for a man. but you know what I do love those kids and I know the only way they are ever going to be anything in life is if they have me completely out of it for good.

 

[Inkachu]

You don't believe that for a second. That's your self pity talking. No child is BETTER off without a father! Especially one who loves them. Dude, we're ALL "weakass excuses" of men and women at times in our lives. But have you learned your lessons? Are you ready to become a different person from this day forward? You have a unique and crucial chance to show your children that their father was willing to learn, willing to change, but NOT willing to abandon them.

 

[Dan the Man]

I believe that with all my heart. I am a monster of a human being. you have no idea the horrible things ive done, the people ive killed. I am not ok in the head and I never will be. my kids have a stepdad who loves them. they will be ok unless they have my influence in their lives.

 

[Inkachu]

It's true that people have to want help, and nobody can force it on them. I won't argue with you further.

 

[Dan the Man]

sorry. just sick of people telling me im just feeling sorry for myself.

 

[Dan the Man]

I want to change this post to just ask for prayers for my two boys, Alex (13) and Trent (9), that they have good, happy, and successful lives and for the soul of my son Danny that even though he took his life he is still in heaven.

 

[Inkachu]

sorry. just sick of people telling me im just feeling sorry for myself.

I never said that you were "just" feeling sorry for yourself. I do think that's part of your situation, but I know that it's much more complicated than just a little pity party. My point is that, you have to want things to get better, nobody can force progress and hope down your throat. Everyone has been comforting and encouraging to you, and you don't seem to want to receive it. That makes us sad.

 

[Inkachu]

I want to change this post to just ask for prayers for my two boys, Alex (13) and Trent (9), that they have good, happy, and successful lives and for the soul of my son Danny that even though he took his life he is still in heaven.

Saying a prayer for ALL of you

 

[Dan the Man]

http://www.christianforums.com/t7804686/ I guess i explain more of it there. i am just in a very bad situation and im sorry i wasted your time and effort.