Respecting my BPD Mom.

[Lead_Me_to_Jesus]

Hello,

I am new here, but I had been searching online for a Christian Community that knows about Borderline Personality Disorder.
I was saved recently in January 2011. Ive been through a lot as a person, and have been learning a lot as a Christian.

As the months have been passing by I have started to really realize what my pastor was talking about when he said, that its harder to live daily as a Christian than to die for being a Christian. My hardest trial from the Lord has been, my mother. With everything else I can pretty much be under control and let the Lord guide me, but with my mother...it is so hard.

I am the scapegoat, and my mother constantly bombards me with insults and name calling. Every now and then she will be nice, but soon enough she will go back to the same abuse. I get discouraged, I feel like Im not a good Christian at all, because its tiring to constantly take it, and then I feel selfish because Jesus took it for me and then I feel like maybe God thinks Im not trying hard enough and maybe Im not really a Christian for feeling like this.

My mother is a good woman, but shes very confused and ...constantly bombards me with false accusations, and horrible nicknames, jokes, and does this to me in public and private...every single day. I am praying for strength, but I am certainly getting weaker in my faith. as a result of all this, I am constantly second guessing myself, I am constantly thinking horrible things about myself, and my mother doesnt help by saying "Oh I guess thats what a Christian does", "thats what they teach you at church?, how to mistreat your mother?"

Even when I havent done anything she will accuse me of doing it. Ive never mistreated her. If anything I stay quiet. If I ask her a question she will twist it all around and say "Oh so you were saying this, to make me feel like I was disgusting?!" It will be totally far away from the original thing I said!, but she will say that Im calling her names, even if I havent! and I get so tired...its so tiring to constantly be told your doing things you havent done.

Its so hurtful and it makes me feel like Im not even worth anything to God either. Like he has given up on me in some way. My heart tells me different, I still have the peace in my heart I had when I was saved, but the accusations make it so confusing.

Please let me know how one can respect BPD parent better, and if anyone else deals with this. It says in the Bible that one must respect their parents, I know that means regardless of whether they deserve respect or not. Its just hard.

Please pray for my mom.
Thank you.

 

[madison1101]

I have had my run-ins with my Mom, and learned I am incapable of changing her.

I recommend you seek individual psychotherapy with a licensed therapist,

Good luck and God bless.

Trish

 

[Chococat]

I can relate to what you say as I once had an online friend, a Christian sad to say, who was a lot like this. At first she seemed really sweet and kind and then gradually she changed and started putting me down, often is subtle ways implying that her other friends were so much better than me including one who was interested in satanism! She was like a real Jekyll and Hyde in that she would be as sweet as anything, usually when I threatened to end the friendship only to start ignoring me and giving me the silent treatment and putting me down etc again. I am not saying I was perfect as there were a lot of things I did wrong too. In the end I stopped talking to her because I could not stand it anymore. I still pray for her but sometimes that is all one can do. Like Trish says you cannot change people only yourself. Praying for you both.