Repression

[sparklingdust]

Hey guys! You know how people say that they will "forgive, but never forget," or how you will always remember the hard times that you've gone through... Well that isn't the case with me, and it has been a reoccurring theme in my life ever since I was in high school. When life gets hard, I tend to repress things that happen rather quickly. If someone intentionally hurts me, or I have a lot of painful memories about something... I usually forget them in just a couple of months. I remember the lessons I learned from them, but I struggle with retelling the story. For instance, during my senior year of high school, I played on my school's soccer team. My coach didn't treat me right and we didn't get a long at all. I remember the feelings, like how bad I hurt and how I felt inadequate, but I don't remember how I learned that. Another example, I used to be BEST FRIENDS with this girl who I met when I lived in Europe. Two years ago, we had this big disagreement and she really, really hurt worse than anyone else ever ever has; and it had repercussions that are still in effect today. I still have trouble being truly vulnerable and forming really close relationships with people because I worry about being hurt again, but I don't remember any of our conversations or anything. Or - a recent break up with my boyfriend of 2 years. We were just chatting about it the other night. He says he will never forget how badly he felt after I broke up with him, but I cannot remember how I handled it to save my life.

...So I'm pretty sure this isn't how people normally deal with hard things, and I've come to terms with that already. However, I've heard that repressing past experiences isn't healthy - but I don't know how to stop it because its my defense mechanism that I use most often, and it happens without me even realizing it. THIS IS WHY I JOURNAL! I love to just write pages and pages about lessons I've learned or things I've struggled with, but I have learned that I also have to write down specific events that take place. My journal entries during the time when I lost my best friend are the only remnants I have left of our relationship because I only know what I wrote down and I've forgotten everything else.

Just wondered what you guys thought about it or if you have experienced the same thing.

 

[spr]

Php 3:13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
Php 3:14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.