repressed memories

[The4Rs]

I am in therapy to work out my past. There are some parts of my past I have no memory of and especially a certian relative of mine. My mom has lots of family pictures of him but i have no memories of him being there.

Are there any of you who have had repressed memories of abuse and have gone through the uncovering of the memories or are you in the process now?

I go to therapy every week and when I go I am afraid to go. I also have had a dream where I keep running from a man with a cross (my pastor who is counseling me) and then all of the sudden I was hiding in this house and someone said God was here to see me. She said "I wouldn't run from God if I were you". I also feel like a part of me is going to take flight sometimes.

Thanks for your help!
God Bless!

 

[Ariel]

Hello The4Rs. Welcome to the forum.

Yes, there are a number of people in the Recovery forums who have dealt with repressed memories. Many are getting well.

I dealt with trauma during my adult years, and also childhood abuse. Like many others I had to pull out the memories. If you look in through the Recovery forums you will see others as well.

I wrote a thread about my journey to wellness, there may be something in it which can help you. Here is the URL: http://christianforums.com/showthread.php?t=6076696

Be blessed. I will be praying for you.

 

[BlessedMommy05]

Hello

Yes I do have re-pressed memories and I hate it when they come up at not so good times.. I often take the fight or flight response and I'd rather fly from the situation than to deal with it.. Even to this day I'd rather just forget it and some days it comes out like a ghost out of the closet and I have to deal.. I'm sorry your having a hard time.. I do hope therapy does help you.. Just keep talking or writting it all out..

BlessedMommy05

 

[bubblefish]

I am a lot like BlessedMommy. Lately, more of my past and different incidents have been coming back to me. I always knew that I was abused and who it was, but not the extent of what happened. I had blocked out most of the really painful and terrifying memories until recently.

It can be extremely hard to deal with, but many have worked through it and survived it Your therapist should be able to help with ways to cope with them as they come back. Therapy itself can be hard, but is often very rewarding for most people. For me, I have also found that writing helps - it is extremely painful to write about the memories and the pain but getting it onto paper and out of my head can help at times as well.

Don't give up! You can and will get through this

 

[The4Rs]

Thank you all for responding! I heard God tell me last night that he was "peeling off" a layer of my defense system and to stay close to him. Since that I am very afraid/anxious/paniced at the moment. I want to run but don't know where and I feel like something really bad is going to happen. I don't know what but I am trying to stay calm.

I have memories of one incident but I feel like there are others of a different incident that are getting ready to be revealed. Not sure. I just know I am shaking on the inside and I feel sick.

I know you all don't know me but I could use some prayer!
God Bless!

 

[Ariel]

The4Rs, just remember God is there, and He will keep you. He will not give you more than you are able to bear.

Call to Him, He will be there, He will comfort you and wrap His arms around you. He will never leave you or forsake you, Hebrews 13:5.

 

[BlessedMommy05]

Its true God doesnt leave us nor forsake us, but often its hard to give him the pain of our past and the pain of memories that we wish would just go away but they dont.. Hard to live with when we're haunted by the ghost in the closet.. Hard to fall on our knees or our face before God and say we cant take the pain and memories of who and how it happend but to give us peace to endure those things...

 

[UnitynLove]

Its true God doesnt leave us nor forsake us, but often its hard to give him the pain of our past and the pain of memories that we wish would just go away but they dont.. Hard to live with when we're haunted by the ghost in the closet.. Hard to fall on our knees or our face before God and say we cant take the pain and memories of who and how it happend but to give us peace to endure those things...

Very true!!

 

[BlessedMommy05]

Thanks Unity.. Often I find that alot dont agree and I often find that I cant just sit and accept that I'll be healed till I reach his presence.. Weather thats on my face praying or asking or just in heaven alone.. But I know there will be healing for all of us..

 

[Nessie]

I do believe sometimes these memories come up and that it can be a time for us to take another small step toward healing.

An incident came back to my mind one night... I was taken in by my pastor and his wife and one night they went out and I stayed home to watch my siblings (their birth children) and my little sister completely flooded the bathroom. I called them b/c I couldn't find extra towels and they decided to come home. Well, I panicked b/c a memory I completely forgot when I was a kid when my birth father freaked out on me came back to me. Anyways, my (adopted) parents got home and they could tell I was really upset and when I explained why it really helped in my journey to understanding that life isn't really always like what I knew as a kid. They just helped clean it up and said, "Look, Ness, it's done. It was an accident. We're not mad. All that needed to be done was it to be dried up." After that things were normal again and everyone was joking around and it took a while to sink in but I know it was a time God was using to show me that what I knew as a kid wasn't the norm. Ii takes time and a lot of steps but God shows me things and I'm slowly learning that not all men beat their wives and kids, ya know?

 

[Ariel]

You are so right, Nessie. Real men--Christian men who love God--don't beat their wives and kids.

Like you, I had to learn this when I was older. I remember watching Sesame Street with my two-year-old. Big Bird was singing "Everyone makes mistakes, so why can't you?" That song struck a chord in my spirit. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, it's no big deal. Just try to clean it up, but don't think for a moment that you are bad. It was just a mistake, that happens. God loves us, even when we make mistakes.

And real men--godly men--love us too.

 

[blueskye]

To return to the first thread; I don't remember my abuse either, but I have it in black and white that it happened.

Sometimes I think we are not meant to remember, maybe to remember would be too traumatic.

 

[.Sabre.]

I'm too scared to remember. Sometimes I get disturbing images of what happened to me, and I just push them away, back into the locked room where I keep all of those memories.

 

[Criada]

It is hard, and disturbing, and painful.
I am just dealing with memories which I had 'put away' for almost 30 years... and facing the past is horrible. But, I think, given time, it will be the beginning of healing. You can only push it down for so long... and I think the longer they are locked away, the more scary it becomes. Some of them are less scary in the light of day.. and when we see them, we can start to deal with them. I have a long way to go, and a lot of locked cupboards still... but I feel as though I am finally moving in the right direction.

 

[The4Rs]

Like you, I had to learn this when I was older. I remember watching Sesame Street with my two-year-old. Big Bird was singing "Everyone makes mistakes, so why can't you?" That song struck a chord in my spirit. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, it's no big deal. Just try to clean it up, but don't think for a moment that you are bad. It was just a mistake, that happens. God loves us, even when we make mistakes.

Thanks for sharing this with me! I had a vision of Big Bird last night and now I know why!

My memories are slowly coming back. They are in essense behind doors. In my sleep I walked by them, the first had all kinds of emotion and dread but I stopped and looked in and said "Oh yeah, I remember that..." then I kept walking. The next door was locked shut indicating to me from God that he was not ready for me to enter yet. Some memories explain why I do some things that I have been doing and explain some of my emotions. I do have moments of shock when something triggers a memory. I don't have the fear of the memories anymore but my emotions are all over the charts. As someone once told me they are "oozing" with out control or regard to when the come. I don't feel like I am "oozing emotion" I just feel like I am crazy!

Anyway, thank you all for sharing! I really have felt God call me back here to chat with you all.
Much Love!

 

[nathan8]

This is my first post here. Great to have found a Christian Forum.
I am a male survivor of child sexual abuse.
Last year after 56 years my mother was triggered to disclose when I was 2 I was minded by an abuser and his wife with repeat visits which stoped I estimate by the time I was 7.
To survive I supressed the unbearable. I became a sickly little boy.
my mother made the consequences of csa the issue when it was the consequence.
I was constantly destracted .

On the positive side
I recall before csa I saw the love of God through my grandmother
and after when we sang "Jesus loves me this I know" at Sunday school.

more of my story later