I saw a bird punch through the hollow dome...
arching like a dart
across sheaves of air,
alone and barren.
As the birds' cry fades,
a hollow space remains
as if a mother lost its child and had to go on moving;
turning
from the echo of the infant's cry.
Among the living, i am a foreigner --
A ghost, watching everything come and go.
I am no longer here,
I am the absent sky who cannot say good bye
or tell them all: "Remember me"
I suffer greatly from mental illness that berates me with severe clinical depression. (Bipolar disorder). It stole much of my life and i am no longer the person i once was. i have been struggling with this crippling depression for years, but i grow weary and have lost the will to live and fight for my life especially in these later years after so many hospitalizations and constant episodes. I also struggle with my faith during depression and often wonder if he is even there. I'm not asking for healing or proof that there is a God anymore...all i ask of God is to make me feel his presence, his love, his protection, his embrace...i want to feel deep in my bones again that i am loved even in the midst of this terrible affliction. This is the first time i wrote a poem when depressed which is odd given the fact that i lose my creative desires. i am currently struggling with suicidal ideation and though i won't go through with it, i wish i could leave this world and find solace in another. I am desperate for release. The way i live seems unbearable..I am alone, unmarried, childless, friendless and unchurched...it is not living, it is now mere survival. I don't know how to return to who i was, what i believed or move forward into something better. I pray for peace and close communion with God....i pains me so much to think this might be all there is, that there is no God, no meaning. I miss God. I want to know a plausible degree of certainty within the confines of absolute certainty and find that hope and closeness with him again. I ask you to help me pray for peace, comfort, affection and the will to live for Him even though i feel like i'm slowly dying and drowning in this paralyzing cage.
P.S Mental illness is not a result of demonic oppression, if you believe that, please refrain from such comments or opinions, that only makes things worse and is quite painful to my soul.
arching like a dart
across sheaves of air,
alone and barren.
As the birds' cry fades,
a hollow space remains
as if a mother lost its child and had to go on moving;
turning
from the echo of the infant's cry.
Among the living, i am a foreigner --
A ghost, watching everything come and go.
I am no longer here,
I am the absent sky who cannot say good bye
or tell them all: "Remember me"
I suffer greatly from mental illness that berates me with severe clinical depression. (Bipolar disorder). It stole much of my life and i am no longer the person i once was. i have been struggling with this crippling depression for years, but i grow weary and have lost the will to live and fight for my life especially in these later years after so many hospitalizations and constant episodes. I also struggle with my faith during depression and often wonder if he is even there. I'm not asking for healing or proof that there is a God anymore...all i ask of God is to make me feel his presence, his love, his protection, his embrace...i want to feel deep in my bones again that i am loved even in the midst of this terrible affliction. This is the first time i wrote a poem when depressed which is odd given the fact that i lose my creative desires. i am currently struggling with suicidal ideation and though i won't go through with it, i wish i could leave this world and find solace in another. I am desperate for release. The way i live seems unbearable..I am alone, unmarried, childless, friendless and unchurched...it is not living, it is now mere survival. I don't know how to return to who i was, what i believed or move forward into something better. I pray for peace and close communion with God....i pains me so much to think this might be all there is, that there is no God, no meaning. I miss God. I want to know a plausible degree of certainty within the confines of absolute certainty and find that hope and closeness with him again. I ask you to help me pray for peace, comfort, affection and the will to live for Him even though i feel like i'm slowly dying and drowning in this paralyzing cage.
P.S Mental illness is not a result of demonic oppression, if you believe that, please refrain from such comments or opinions, that only makes things worse and is quite painful to my soul.
Last edited:
