Relationships- two steps forward, three back

[tommyfade]

I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder a year ago.

I have my highs and lows like everyone else with this disorder.

My problem is that I rountinely do and say things to hurt friends and family. After I realize what I have done, I feel like I have to "make up" to them by doing things for them, etc.

I make progress in relationships but eventually mess them up again.

Thus, two steps forward- three back.

I have done this my whole life (35 years).

Does anyone else feel like this?

 

[Alive again]

Well, maybe sort of I have greatly hurt my family at times directly related to the rages in my hypomanias. However, I become immediately horrified and suicidal. I do not feel I have to do things to make it up to them, but i do feel I am responsible to deal with my actions, apologize and seek to control my illness and treat their hurt as real as my illness.

 

[tommyfade]

Anyone else with advice?

 

[goldenviolet]

i was like this until i got my meds down right. i have my bad days too, but i have break through meds for it. when i'm at my worse, i just addmit myself into the hospital or into respid care. checking into a hotel with swimming pool and cable tv is relaxing too. going out to feed the ducks winds me down also. what is important for me is to keep 'elavuating' my moods and my needs... ultimately my problems reflect onto others and for me to practice caring for myself, teaches me how to care for my family. feedback and reaction from them, is very helpful once i'm calmed. it helps them get it out and helps me to keep my mouth and actions in check. bless you, xo dee

 

[1v4n]

I just got out of a relationship on the 15th which I still seem to have feelings for. I was told that it wasn't my fault, that she just didn't think it was fair for her to just be the receiver in the relationship because she can't handle school and be responsible in a relationship as well. This really hurts! I thought I had finally found the who was genuine and honest like me and was willing to work things out til the end... well apparently the end came alot sooner than i had expected. I don't seem to get the point that she has already moved on and just wants to be friends. I have been on an emotional roller coaster over the last week dealing with this on top of my roommates being drunk every night screaming and throwing things around. I know my environment is affecting me as well and can't seem to find stable ground. My heart just seems to be stuck I think that it may be that I just want someone in my life, a companion, that i can feel comfortable sharing my life with, I'm tired of the loneliness.

Aside from that relationship...

I'm not a bad person, but it also seems that I can't find someone who can just be happy with me (or so it seems) I've been on disability since 2003 for bipolar (or is it Schizoaffective as I was diagnosed?) and have a very limited income which I struggle with every month to survive... literally. Anyway, I have tried working, going thru several different schools, and tried to start 2 different businesses, but my very distinguished pattern gets in the way, hence the reason I was approved for disability so quickly (of course it helped that I'd had a history of counseling and taking meds). I have a hard time finding someone in the first place that is ok with my lack of financial support, so it feels that much worse. I don't know, guess I'm just rambling now...

 

[Phanari]

I was diagnosed bipolar 1 about 8 years ago. But even when I was in remission (yes, that's the word used when you're not showing symptoms) I was having that same issue.

I got married almost a year ago, and have already made things horrid for myself and my husband on numerous occasions.

It's a struggle, but as long as we stay on our meds regularly and keep up exercise and eat well, we should be fine!
GOD BLESS!

 

[Sick O'Crying]

I've never officially been diagnosed as bi-polar but my bf has. However, I think I sound more like the OP than he does. I think he may be more OCD. I wish we had good mental health care in the US. It's been a struggle my whole life. I wish I had some advice. I guess I'm looking too...just know that you aren't alone.

 

[bunnydrop]

I wish i could help.all my relationships went wrong due to me.i have given up.its just me an my son now.i can make mates etc easily.but then mess up.its very hard.i hate being alone.but the messes i get into are not worth it for others now.i have god an thats it.pity as im a cool person i just cant stay like it,remision or not.i hate being what seems to be two poeople.i confuse myself ,let alone others.wish there was help in theses areas really or advice from docs as i know im gonna be alone forever.i dont have my husband now or any freinds.you wouldnt guess to see me as i look ok.dead regular person.i hate this part of my illness.sorry to not of cheered you up.maybe by us talking on here about it we could support eachother as its a loney thing an scary.x

 

[waving_palm_branches]

My husband is bipolar and he often says very hurtful things when manic. I think the devil tries to convince me he really means them. Sometimes I just have to go off alone and cry.

 

[Liz in the rain]

I feel with you.

I have OCD, Anxiety, and Panic Attacks. When I am lashing out at my friends and family, I'm aware of it but I can't do anything at the time. Then I feel so guilty and ashamed afterwards.

Please keep pushing ahead with your treatment and therapy so that you can live life as much as possible despite your problems.

 

[Alive again]

Welcome top all the new posters! Check out the other threads around the forum!