Relationships and the Lord

[ilovejesus86]

Ok, to start things out I should tell you I am a very new Christian. In fact, I was saved on Halloween of last year(what a day to be saved, but the greatest day of my life none the less). I was brought into the Church by my then new girlfriend. We are both 18 and I was her first boyfriend. Now I know this isn’t a relationship forum but I think this info is important to my question. Well now it’s been about 5 months of us seeing each other. We are both trying to do our best to do things right. But time together is very limited, it was to the point were I would only see here at Youth Group, Sunday mornings at church, and we were lucky to get one evening a week to do things. So I started visiting her at her work when she would get off and we would spend about 15 minutes conversing on how our days were and stuff like that. Well I should tell you that when we started to date it was a rule her parents had set up that we weren’t to meet secretly and I wasn’t to visit her at work like I would end up doing. Well a short time ago the Lord brought it to her parents about what we were doing. We have been dealt with regarding this, and it wasn’t a very harsh punishment, just kind of restricted on seeing one another and our Valentines Day plans had to be canceled. My question is is it possible that the Lord doesn’t want us together? It makes my mind wander further, wondering things on both sides of the spectrum. I mean the Lord knows what we are going to do before we do it right? So if this is the case, the Lord knew before I even existed that I would date this girl and we would enter into this “Sin”. In a way he may have wanted us to learn from this experience to help us in the long run live a healthier and more pure life. But could he also have wanted this to be a learning experience for the both of us and not want us together? I know nobody really knows for sure what he wants, we only can be guided by him to do the right thing. I have had some people approach me and tell me that in life it really is your decision on whom your mate in life will be and God only can help you live a pure life. I being a young Christian really don’t know how much truth to hold to that. I have also had people tell me that the Lord wants us to be happy in life but while following him as our Lord and savior. I can tell you that we care very deeply for each other and since we have been together, a lot of people have noticed just how much more happier we are. So as you can see I am sort of caught in the cross hairs of two aspects of the Lord. I have been in deep prayer about this for a little while now. The only thing I can really say is I am not receiving any negative feedback, which makes me happy. So in your opinion what do you think? I hope I didnt Confuse you. Thanks for taking your time to read this.

In his love,
ILoveJesus86

 

[DaveKerwin]

Hey bro, sounds like the relationship is a cool thing. Be straight with her parents on the matter. If they ask that you don't sneak around, then honor that. I don't see my fiancee more than twice a week, but that will not be for too much longer. If you are honoring God by acting right, and honoring her body by respecting her, then continue in the relationship. Don't have sex or mess around physically, that will only lead to heartache. Regardless of where the relationship leads, you personally stay closely connected to Christ through personal prayer time and bible study. God will lead you as you go, live right and honor Christ in all you do.

 

[William Nunn]

This relationship sounds like it could be a great thing. Don't take this little chastisement as the Lord telling you that you shouldn't date this girl, perhaps He was just saying 'Whoa my friend, you know her parents don't like this, so don't do it." You COULD take that as a sign that He doesn't want you with her, or you could take it as a sign that He wants you to be on good terms with your future in-laws!!

I'd say continue seeing this girl, if both of your hearts are in the right place and you both serve the Lord and respect his commandments about dating and relationships - there's nothing wrong with it. If the Lord doesn't want you to see her, he will put a roadblock in your way.

 

[JillLars]

Why are her parents placing restrictions on when you can see one another when you are both 18? I'm not saying its bad or anything, its just sends some red flags up for me. If you want to marry her, you will both need to be independent, and her parents will need to be able to grant her that independence, and trust her to do the right thing. I know that you want to do things right, which means you should be honest with her parents, but you should also be honest with them and let them know that you both want to stay on the right track, and seeing each other for 15 min. at work isn't going to hurt anything. I don't think God is telling you to stop seeing her, but I would definately evaluate the restrictions her parents place on your relationship (you are both adults) and think about how they will effect your relationship in the future.

 

[mrversatile48]

I just read a lovely phrase, on the bus here, in Rick Warren's "Purpose-Driven Life"

"The mature form the habit of extracting lessons from the every-day experiences of life"

Same chapter spoke of the wise learning from other folks' experiences, as there just ain't time for anyone to experience everything - (many lessons are what pitfalls to avoid anyway, right?)

Everything in life is meant to be part of our learning curve, to be considered in the light of God's Word, & His main goal for all of us: to make us more & more like Christ in character

Jill,

By amazing "God-incidence", this is the 2nd thread on the trot where I've followed you

Seeing in the 1st that we will soon be almost-near-enough-neighbours, I clicked on your profile: Coon Rapids sounds a beautiful place, & I seem to recall MN & WIS & IO have many beautiful-sounding place-names

My fiancee ain't been outa IL in quite a while, & we both look forward to exploring, (& maybe running catering concessions in the major Midwest Festivals, etc)

Later, 'Gator!

Ian

 

[ilovejesus86]

So far the replys have been helping, thanks a lot to everybody who has replied. I appreciate it deeply. But by all means keep the replys comming, i will appreciate any and all whom decide to help or comment! Thanks

 

[katelyn]

I think all of this just might just be to show that taking it slow is not necessarily a bad thing. You said this is her first relationship...maybe her parents are just concerned that she will get swept up in that fact. Not necessarily because they doubt or don't trust her, but because it's very easy to do when you are just learning about love and relationships. It's very exciting and easy to get carried away! Unfortunately, I've been there...made some mistakes along the way since it was SO exciting to be dating...so, I actually envy you that you are taking it slow, even though it doesn't seem all that fun and seems like it's enforced by parents, rather than what you want. Just remember, a relationship is not a race...it's okay to take your time.

 

[ilovejesus86]

Like i said earlier, great replys. But after reading everything over again, i still wonder how do i know if God Approves of this? i mean i understand the relationship is a good thing (thanks William Nunn, and Dave Kerwin for that comment, it means alot) But heres a quick quote of the second part of the question

My question is is it possible that the Lord doesn’t want us together? It makes my mind wander further, wondering things on both sides of the spectrum. I mean the Lord knows what we are going to do before we do it right? So if this is the case, the Lord knew before I even existed that I would date this girl and we would enter into this “Sin”. In a way he may have wanted us to learn from this experience to help us in the long run live a healthier and more pure life. But could he also have wanted this to be a learning experience for the both of us and not want us together? I know nobody really knows for sure what he wants, we only can be guided by him to do the right thing. I have had some people approach me and tell me that in life it really is your decision on whom your mate in life will be and God only can help you live a pure life. I being a young Christian really don’t know how much truth to hold to that. I have also had people tell me that the Lord wants us to be happy in life but while following him as our Lord and savior. I can tell you that we care very deeply for each other and since we have been together, a lot of people have noticed just how much more happier we are. So as you can see I am sort of caught in the cross hairs of two aspects of the Lord. I have been in deep prayer about this for a little while now. The only thing I can really say is I am not receiving any negative feedback, which makes me happy. So in your opinion what do you think?

Any ideas, please R&R Thanks a million again

In his love,
Ilovejesus86

 

[led]

what I have found is that if the Lord doesn't want a relationship, he will close the doors. I mean, he will really, really close them. If you love here, then keep loveing her and do your best to honor her parents request. The Lord has ways of doing things. Maybe this is a time that you need to grow in him before you are really ready to have your relationship with her grow.

Keep praying and ask God to help you to understand what you are supposed to do. He will make it pretty clear. And keep him as your main love. THat is most important.

 

[katelyn]

I was just looking over the book Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot for another thread and noticed that on the back one of the questions answered in the book is, "How shall I know if this woman is right for me?" So maybe you should pick up a copy.

 

[LadyBird]

Part of deciding/knowing when your S.O. is the one for you is making that decision to get married and be together.

 

[ilovejesus86]

I was just looking over the book Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot for another thread and noticed that on the back one of the questions answered in the book is, "How shall I know if this woman is right for me?" So maybe you should pick up a copy.

Thanks for the info Kately. I am going to try and find a copy of this book. Thanks again

ilovejesus86

 

[Jesusfreekwanabe]

the varry VARRY first thing i alwaze prayed when i met gurls that i liked was
"Lord is this one it , if she is not get her away ! at any cost get her away , i will do all i can leagley to presue her , and u keep her away if she is the wrong one , close all the doors "
i begged that i honesly did not want a gurl that the lord would not have me to have . well i feel in deep love with 2 gurls i preyed that and 1 i chased for a varry long time and was not able to say more than 100 words 2 ( like more than a year chaseing ) the second lissoined to some ppl who did not like me and she belived them ( i was so in love w/ her too)
and to this day i am single i have been single for 19 long years , but no one ounce willing to move or have my self defiled in any way .
now im not saying that she is the wrong one , but i ll get to that latter .

now i would defanlty honor her parrents 100% yea i know it hurts , it realy stinks but trust me it is better than to be found thursty than caught red handed when u have took on the Christian name , be holy for our God is holy .
make a move and she will respect you , move in God and she will trust u with all her heart , move from God and u will bring destruction .

now as far as i have come to under stand God will not give u more than u can handle , nor something that is not right for u .( this dose not count when u do things u know r wrong OR out side of his will in your life )
now there is a time for everthing under the sun , some times u will starve , other times u will be full . just take it all in and praize the Lord , casue He can and will make u happie he also can make u miserable .there is a song that says this perfectly
" you ( the lord ) are the shelter form the rain and u are the rain to wash me away" ( album Further more - jars of caly ? )
Jesus is everthing and and the most u can have , he will take away and give all at the wimper of a word , i have seen him take wives and give them . threw all your tears all u can do is surrender and give your self to him and he will take care of u.

now to what i was saying earlyer about if she is the right one and if ur ready

1 draw a tryangle on a peice of papper , ( equlatral)
2 name one of the points Jesus
3 now on the other to sides that come of that point make one dot on each of the two sides .
4, observe the closer the both of u get to Jesus the closer u will become .

like that ?

ok secondly the next thing that i observe is in Genisis , now i ask if u read the begging of the world man was the last thing created . now befor we get to eve id like to point out some thing .

ADAM HAD A JOB im not talking a job at H-E-B im saying he had a calling from the Lord to do something , for the most part he was a some kida sicence guy ( he was smart enoff to name and classife all that God had made ) and he was a farmer .
that is what God called to him that was his calling in life . some one said it well like this .
" You are never gona Get Sub-mission with out a MISSSION "
Adam all readly had his calling he had been walking with the lord since shortly after He created it . Adam was a Man Of God . and did the work of the Lord .
now if u read God did not give Eve befor his started His work , God knew he was but not till the next verse . and u know Y GOD GAVE ADAM HIS WIFE ?
two reasons
1 so he wont be lonely
2 Helper and partner .
now u can pick and chose in the bible , u take all or leave all .
u can have woman till u Need a Helper in the work the Lord has given u.
now understand this also the man is the head of the house but the woman was made form a rib , what dose a rib do protect the heart ( well lungs too but we r gona be romantic ) secondly even thow u r the head your wife is gona be like your neck and she will infulance u in everthing .
she is looking for a leader , u r looking for a supporter . this shaking some heads in hear ?

now in conculsion im not saying she is not the one , she could Be God did not make this a Comandment but its a perty constant safe pattern.
secondly if she is not the one the Lord has for u ( and He interveens) AND if u end up breaking it up no matter what u will be left in hard ake . SO make the most of it and be holy , she will respect u , then trust u more when u do what is right .( and if she is Misses right jump for joy ) i would invest a lot of time tryiing to figuar out waht God Thinks . honeslty , She will be 100% thanfull to know weather u guys r destane and twice that if u r not .
TRUST ME i have just got threw the same shurade with some other gurl yesterday . we are not for each other but i plan on taking her to prom any way .
. sow seeds of the sperit and i garrentte u wont reap weeds .
. if it is worht being done it is worth being done well .
. PEACE

 

[invisiblebabe]

Look at Elisabeth Elliot's life. She was widowed twice and married three times. Does that mean that two of those men weren't the "one" God had for her? Of course not. God puts people in our lives for a reason, and they aren't always meant to stay there.

I was engaged once, and then out of nowhere the relationship fell apart. Do I believe God brought us together for the time He did? Yep. The verse that came to mind at the time was from Job: "The Lord has given; the Lord has taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised." Just because a relationship doesn't end in marriage doesn't mean it was against God's will. I believe he and I both learned from our relationship, and then the Lord had us move on to the other plans He has for us.

Also, from experience, I would advise you to be very careful with the way this girl's family acts. You don't want meddling in-laws.