I've recently been separated from a near 4 month relationship. She really liked me in the beginning, more than I for her; but I gave in because of the attention. Though it wasn't right, she moved in with me and we got physical really quick. I asked her to marry me, even though I had doubts. I broke up with her a couple times in the beginning out of conviction and/or lack of being "in love" with her. But each time, on the next day I would be back and try to convince her to be with me, deepening my commitment to her, till finally I stopped breaking up and would sometimes deceive/ sometimes not about my feelings for her; because they changed often. Since the relationship got out of God from the beginning, I couldn't communicate my deep feelings and she was frustrated, jealous, and domineering (her fleshly trait - mine is being a crybaby). So eventually we parted, and not because I had the strength to do it (prior to this I hadn't even kissed a girl in 6 years, much less sleep next to them each night for 3.5 months - so I didn't want to give that up - to the point of thinking okay I'll marry her). Now that she's gone back to her parents, I've been getting back into God. She didn't call me for a week, but after many "I miss you" voice mails she hung out with me last weekend; but she hasn't returned my calls in a few days. No telling the hurt and dissappointment she's dealing with; nevertheless I miss her company and I still deal with feelings for her. I am trying to see this is the best for both of us so we can find a Godly relationship in the future that is right; but I still feel at times a longing for her - we're not married? I'm seeking any Godly counsel anyone might be able to see in all this. I deal with feelings of rejection and also want to move on; but I sometimes feel guilty to. How should I deal with her? Or anything else you can think of. Thanks!
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Relationship Woes
- Thread starter Vapor
- Start date
VOW
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- Feb 7, 2002
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To Vapor:
The waffling of this relationship, the constant on/off/yes/no/maybe on behalf of both of you has me wondering.
I think aside from the raging hormones and the physical attraction, you both were "in love with love." That is when you have an ideal in your head of the perfect partner, and you become convinced that if you are with this perfect partner, life will be flowers and rainbows and chirping birds.
And with that original intention, once reality steps in, the flowers and rainbows become harsh words, lack of communication, and extreme disappointment. Your on again/off again attitude just reinforces my belief. You are with her and things are not perfect, you leave, and then you start thinking that maybe you missed something, she really IS the perfect one, and around and around we go.
A true courtship is where two people find out about each other. You hate shrimp, she loves clam chowder. Rollercoasters make you sick, she doesn't want to ride on anything faster than a merry-go-round. Both of you love to watch old "Star Trek" re-runs. AHA! Something in common!
If you accelerate the relationship by having sex too soon, you miss out on these little discoveries. And when the white-hot heat of attraction starts to cool down a bit, you find all these little annoyances about each other. She uses your razor. You squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle. You want ketchup on a hot dog, she prefers mustard.
I'm pretty sure you know what I'm getting at.
Let's just chalk this relationship up to "learning." And if you are still truly interested in this girl, start everything over at the beginning. Find out who she really is, and who you really are.
Peace,
~VOW
The waffling of this relationship, the constant on/off/yes/no/maybe on behalf of both of you has me wondering.
I think aside from the raging hormones and the physical attraction, you both were "in love with love." That is when you have an ideal in your head of the perfect partner, and you become convinced that if you are with this perfect partner, life will be flowers and rainbows and chirping birds.
And with that original intention, once reality steps in, the flowers and rainbows become harsh words, lack of communication, and extreme disappointment. Your on again/off again attitude just reinforces my belief. You are with her and things are not perfect, you leave, and then you start thinking that maybe you missed something, she really IS the perfect one, and around and around we go.
A true courtship is where two people find out about each other. You hate shrimp, she loves clam chowder. Rollercoasters make you sick, she doesn't want to ride on anything faster than a merry-go-round. Both of you love to watch old "Star Trek" re-runs. AHA! Something in common!
If you accelerate the relationship by having sex too soon, you miss out on these little discoveries. And when the white-hot heat of attraction starts to cool down a bit, you find all these little annoyances about each other. She uses your razor. You squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle. You want ketchup on a hot dog, she prefers mustard.
I'm pretty sure you know what I'm getting at.
Let's just chalk this relationship up to "learning." And if you are still truly interested in this girl, start everything over at the beginning. Find out who she really is, and who you really are.
Peace,
~VOW
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seebs
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I don't seem to have anything left to say; VOW got it all. I tend to argue for working things out, but that means a lot of slow, patient, work... and possibly some relationship counseling. It's not as if someone else will just magically work better for you; any relationship will be work, and you're already *in* this one.
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AngelAmidala
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Vapor when we get ourselves into this type of relationship we have negative unhealthy soul ties. This probably is the reason why the on again off again, emotions and both not really knowing what you are doing. Repentance to God of this kind of relationship, sin of fornication and breaking any soul ties you have with her in the name of Jesus. would be the best advice I could give you. Seek God with all of your heart . desire to have a very strong relationship with him. Pray for a wife and wait, wait , wait . Trust God he will bring the right wife who ever she is for you.
Yes use the experience as a stepping stone. You are forgiven so don't let the devil or anyone bring condemnation. It's between you and God.
Have you also thought about asking her to forgive you of your actions that were not in line with the word of God. Forgive yourself.
Yes use the experience as a stepping stone. You are forgiven so don't let the devil or anyone bring condemnation. It's between you and God.
Have you also thought about asking her to forgive you of your actions that were not in line with the word of God. Forgive yourself.
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We all need to learn from our mistakes. You are now able to see how lust and love are two different emotions. Before one can even really have a good healthy relationship with someone your relationship with God has to be on the up-n-up. By having a right relationship with God, He can prepare you for a relationship with someone else. If you and her have truly cut all ties then find something you have been able to learn and apply it to your next relationship. It is real easy 'loving' the feeling of love but it is also easy to decieve your own self when you do not have God in first place where He belongs.
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