Relationship with an atheist

[BelleBot]

I've been a in relationship for nearly 4 years with an atheist, we live together. When we got together I wasn't quite seeing eye to eye with God and had lost my faith in Jesus so his lack of faith wasn't an issue at the time. However in past 6 months I have rediscovered my faith and accepted Jesus back into my heart. I've been praying for my boyfriend to find Jesus but given his attitude towards anything spiritual it's unlikely to happen any time soon.

I feel that God is challenging me on this relationship as it's on the rocks anyway and the spiritual rift is increasing. The relationship is no longer making me happy especially as my boyfriend is withholding affection (hugs and kisses) as he's always tired or not in the mood. I just a get a sense that I deserve more and God has someone better planned for me.

I do still dearly love my boyfriend and I'm terrified of breaking his heart. We were going to get married when I finished my nursing studies but he's no longer interested in marriage so it feels like the relationship isn't headed anywhere anyway.

What's my best course of action, should I leave and embrace singleness for God? And how can I leave without making him resentful of God? Or should I try and make the relationship work and pray for a miracle that he finds Jesus?
I'd be very grateful for any help.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Belle, welcome to CF.

Have you talked with him about those things that you feel are not working in the relationship? I confess that talking has been a problem I have had in my life and I'm working to change that. It seems to be a process. I make some head way in talking about some topics be still avoid others.

So I'd suggest you get a list of issues that you feel need to be address in your relationship from the hugs and kiss to the spiritual divide and talk about them. That is the best way I know that if you do end up going your separate ways you end with some good communication. It seems to me that that is the hardest way to be bitter - after good communication.

Most Christians here will say you should move out immediately, no more sex, don't consider marrying a non-christian. All that might be something God is asking of you. But for your own learning and personal growth I'd say at least have the talk(s) first about your relationship with your BF. I think that is the mature and Christian thing to do.

 

[BelleBot]

Thanks for the reply.
I have spoken to him about this but he's often unwilling to go into much conversation, which leaves me kinda stuck. I guess he's of the opinion that because I love him I'll never leave so there's no point discussing. I do still love him but that doesn't mean I won't leave. Especially as he calls me a "pain in the neck" for wanting to talk all the time.

I will try again and see if we can actually have some decent communication. I guess I'll have to bring up the possibility of brekaing up for him to take me seriously though.

I just wish God was a little clearer and would tell me exactly what to do, but He doesn't work like that. I'm sure He has a plan in all this, I've just got to figure it out. I'll continue to pray about it.
Thanks again for the response.

 

[K9_Trainer]

BelleBot, honestly, I don't think your primary issue right now with this relationship is where it'll go because you're more in line with God. It seems to me that the primary issue is that your boyfriend is, for lack of a better phrase, being a jerk for whatever reason. Not communicating with you, complaining when you want to talk, withholding affection, lost interest in marriage, taking you and your commitment to him for granted...It honestly sounds like he's no longer interested in you, or if he is, then there are some really, REALLY big problems going on with him.

If you break up with the man, you don't even need to mention God. Everything you've said that's causing a riff in the relationship is reason enough to break up with him. The relationship is not a healthy relationship and you aren't getting what you need.

 

[BelleBot]

Well I had a chat with him and we both came to the conclusion that we're better off breaking up. I just wish he'd said something earlier instead of me trying to fix it these past few months. And thankfully I didn't have to mention God at all so he shouldn't have any ill feelings towards God in all this. So I can keep praying with hope that he'll eventually see the light and accept Jesus into his life.
Thanks for the responses you've been really helpful and helped put things into perspective for me.

So now it's time for me to embrace a season of singleness and grow in the Lord. I can't wait.

 

[dayhiker]

BelleBot,
Thanks for coming back and completely the narrative for us. It was good that after not communicating so well, he seemed to communicate in this last conversation. Sounds like you both handled it in a mature way. So feel good about the way the breakup went down.

 

[technofox]

I've been a in relationship for nearly 4 years with an atheist, we live together. When we got together I wasn't quite seeing eye to eye with God and had lost my faith in Jesus so his lack of faith wasn't an issue at the time. However in past 6 months I have rediscovered my faith and accepted Jesus back into my heart. I've been praying for my boyfriend to find Jesus but given his attitude towards anything spiritual it's unlikely to happen any time soon.

I feel that God is challenging me on this relationship as it's on the rocks anyway and the spiritual rift is increasing. The relationship is no longer making me happy especially as my boyfriend is withholding affection (hugs and kisses) as he's always tired or not in the mood. I just a get a sense that I deserve more and God has someone better planned for me.

I do still dearly love my boyfriend and I'm terrified of breaking his heart. We were going to get married when I finished my nursing studies but he's no longer interested in marriage so it feels like the relationship isn't headed anywhere anyway.

What's my best course of action, should I leave and embrace singleness for God? And how can I leave without making him resentful of God? Or should I try and make the relationship work and pray for a miracle that he finds Jesus?
I'd be very grateful for any help.

Hi

Well let me summarize: dating atheists is tricky; however, if your relationship is on the rocks and there is a lack of intimacy, then it appears that there is a lack of communication. First and foremost, you need to ask yourself if you want this guy in your life, if so, then try communicating with about how you feel and the lack of intimacy. If not, then breakup and move on. Yes it may hurt, but you both will end up better people in the long run and things will turn out better than you have thought.

 

[Mr Dave]

Praying for you Belle, that's not a fun position to be in.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Its not a sin to marry one. But it falls in that "very risky" categorey. My sister in Christ who is a VERY passionte christian married a atheist man from Japan. They have now been married 7 years and shes about to have a child. She says its stressful because they disagree on alot of things and she can't really talk about her faith to him much.

And now with a child on the way she wants the child in a christian school in Japan, but he doesn't agree. These are the kind of things that can lead to a divorce, more so the atheist will do it. Its not worth the trouble I think. Especially if it were me because I have enough health issues, don't need more stress. I also don't need that fear in the back of my head that the person could leave me at anytime. >.<

Its up to you though. There is always a chance he could become a christian. But its still a risk either way. If theres anything good, its that my friends husband last month read a chapter in the bible by himself. I will pray the best for you both whatever decision you make.