Relationship Panics

[happiebunnie1313]

I've been in a relationship with the same guy for over a year and a half. About two and a half months ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, so now I'm trying to actually analyze my feelings to know what to do about them. Now, here's one I've had for a while and was way too terrified to admit to it.

I feel like I need time to myself, to grow up and grow into the person that God wanted me to be in the first place. my current boyfriend is only my second (well, third if you count the guy i dated for 2 days...i dont. hah). I know he is exactly the type of person that I would want to end up with for the rest of my life and he is extremely sweet and understanding about everything. But then I start thinking about my self issues. I don't even feel like I know who I am...much less who I love and what I have the potential of.

then there are other days where i feel great and happy and I never wanna leave him. It's so scary when you start thinking negatively about something you were so sure of a few days before. then I tell myself that I know I love him...then when I'm happy again, I just want to be with him. Then I get to thinking...my parents were never there...and I've experienced deep friendships...but what if the way YOU percieve love is totally different.

Someone please message me or something to give me your input.

P.S. when I told my grandma about all this a while back, she said that she thinks it would probably be a really good idea to keep my man around because of my extreme emotional rollercoaster.

I just don't know what to do. :/

 

[Shayned30]

IF you are very young, you will still grow into the person you want to be. At the age of 19 I wasn't the person that I am now. I got depressed quickly, moody and let my boyfriend of that time treat me badly. Now I'm married and stable. We grow as we get older and we change and the person we once loved might not be quite what we want at a later stage in life. When I see my ex now, I can't believe how in love i was with him. He repulses me now. It's hard for me to say if you should keep this man around or not. If he is understanding and treats you well then why not? Maybe let him know you need time for yourself. Enjoy your life, travel and do things you love. Life helps you deal with some issues you might have now. Eventually when you are in the right place and right time, God will send the person you are meant to be with, if it is this man then it will happen. I have married my best friend and we share everything, just like i did when I had other friends around. Give yourself time to heal and grow and don't worry, give your life to God, trust in him and let him heal you and ask him to shape your character into what he wants you to be. It's a long process but if you trust God you will have a fulfilling life eventually!

 

[Alive again]

happiebunnie, what you describe is exactly what I go through with my feelings with my husband-and I have learned it is all directly related to my mood/my illness. You will grow with or wihtout a boyfriend/husband. You grow because you allow God to chage you and you learn more about God and yourself and your illness. the quesyion is realy one for God, is this the man you have for me and so forth. I feel I marriedg for the wrong reasons-I was scared no one else would ask me. But through the up and downs and storms, we have been together 26 years because of God's help. And yes I love him, I just glossed over a lot of things that are not so compatible. But we are both faithful and committed adn it works.

 

[happiebunnie1313]

thank you both SOOO much for your input. This is something that has been on me for a loooooong time, and I honestly just thought that I was being a terrible person for thinking these things. I've beat myself up for a long time about it thinking that if I can't love this guy, there's no way that I can possibly love anyone. He is literally the sweetest guy I've ever met. He hardly says anything bad about anyone, he tries to be the best christian man that he can be, he doesnt cuss, he supports my beliefs and listens to me, he comforts me and listens to me very openly when i need it and never shows any frustration whatsoever, he works himself to the bone. Right now he has a job, an internship, school, he had his band for a while til drama went on and the band broke up, and he still makes time for me one to two days a week and goes to church every sunday.
basically, I'm a super lucky girl and whenever I feel that way I feel like a terrible person who can't love any better than that. Then....I fall head over heals in love with him all over again and I only want to be around him.

You can imagine how confused I was before I found out I was bipolar.

i'm so glad to find out that I'm not alone when it comes to these wierd feelings. I think talking to people on here that are bipolar as well has helped me to understand it 100xs better than I did in the first place.