relationship nearing marriage need help !

[Faithwoman12]

Hello
I am 21 and a college student . Last Easter I gave my life to Christ. It has been an aazing journey. My only problem is I have been with a GREAT man for 7 years (all through high school and college) He has treated me well , respects me, and I know he truely loves me, doesn't drink, is faithful in my relationship. but he isn't a christian. I don't think he realy knows what to believe. His mind set is that he will figure out how to get close to God by his own will.

I have suggested him coming to church ,Bible study, and praying but he may come to church once in a while. I have talked to hims plenty of times about how it bothers me he is not a christian man, but he just continues to tell me to have faith, and that if I left him was telling him to not have faith in God because to him I dont have faith that he will find Jesus.

Since we have dated so long I see in the next couple years he may propose.

It has just been tough ,but I know I trust need to trust in the Lord. I know the bible says to not be yoked with an unbeliever, but I have been with him for 7 years. God didnt leave me when I didn't believe in him.

I have started attending a realy awesome church that has realy been convicting me lately. I am scared that if I broke up with him that he would think that Im breaking up with him so I can be around other people.

I just want to ask al for your prayers and advice . I know what the bible says but my situation isn't as much black or white.

Thank you all! God bless!

 

[McScribe]

Have you both talked about faith? What does he think?

 

[LinkH]

Wow, you've dated for seven years. That's a tough decision to make.

I wouldn't marry him if he wasn't a believer if I were you, and I would not get engaged with him, either. Definitely, you need to keep yourself pure sexually, which should go without saying. If that kind of temptation isn't a problem if you date him, I'd try to keep the lines of communication open if I were you.

I wouldn't normally encourage 'missionary dating', but I do know of a couple of cases where dating or engagement relationships did lead to the man converting to Christ, and being quite serious about his faith. I think you have to be careful not to share your faith in such a way that you are giving him an ultimatum-- either become a serious Christian, or I am dumping you. That could be motivation for a false conversion. If I were you, I would keep praying for him, enlist others to pray for him, and pray for God to send a real soul-winner to help win him to the Lord. What I would be praying for is a man who is a patient skilled one-on-one evangelist. Not someone who can just go through a canned apologetics script, or run through a light 4 point tract with him and persuade him to insincerely repeat a prayer, but someone who will build up a relationship with him and patiently reason with him over time.

If your life revolves around a lot of church activities and he wants to spend time with you, he may end up going to be around you. If that happens, you can choose church and para-church activities (e.g. college ministries) that focus on evangelism to get him exposed to the Gospel.

 

[Faithwoman12]

We have talked about what we both believe in our faiths. He honestly is admitted he has no idea. He knows God exists but he is confused about the conflicting ideas of organized religion. He is very serious about knowing for sure what his faith is before he outwardly declares what he believes whether christianity or other religions.

Yes it is very hard because I have dealt with this for atleast 4 months trying to figure out what God's plan is for both of us. He is an awesome guy and I have so much respect for him.

I am definately going to pray God will bring a male figure into his life that LOVES God and can tell him about the Gospel.

The most important thing to me is that ultimately the decision I make will bring him closer to Chrst. I just don't want to lead him on if ultimately we need to break up. I want a wonderful marriage and I think it is important that the man I am married to can lead me spiritualy. I don't want to look back and say I shouldn't have got married.

 

[LinkH]

The most important thing to me is that ultimately the decision I make will bring him closer to Chrst. I just don't want to lead him on if ultimately we need to break up. I want a wonderful marriage and I think it is important that the man I am married to can lead me spiritualy. I don't want to look back and say I shouldn't have got married.

I was just going to edit my last message and suggest mentioning that you can't marry an unbeliever, to be fair about not leading him on. I think you should keep everything low pressure if you do this. After 7 years, the idea of you as a couple may be a very comfortable idea for him, and talking about not being able to marry him may distract him in his search for faith. So you need to pray about this. He may be aware that Christians are not supposed to marry non-Christians.

It sounds like he is interested and seeking, which is encouraging. If he doesn't like 'organized religion' maybe you can find a house church that is doctrinally solid to minister to him.

 

[Faithwoman12]

so what if you were in my situation , what would you do? would you leave or stay?

 

[Autumnleaf]

In for a penny in for a pound. Inertia will keep most people in such relationships.

If it were me, the man hasn't married you in 7 years. You're wasting your time with him.

 

[gracefulone1980]

I would pray and ask for guidance. Personally, I could not be with a man that does not share the same beliefs as I have. I wish you the very best of luck.

 

[McScribe]

In for a penny in for a pound. Inertia will keep most people in such relationships.

If it were me, the man hasn't married you in 7 years. You're wasting your time with him.

Man, she's 21.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Man, she's 21.

I got married when we were 18. I knew.

 

[Faithwoman12]

I appreciate the advice very much. I am not too worried that we aren't married yet since we dated in high school and in college now. Since we aren't done with school yet or financially ready for that commitment. I am definitely glad he hasn't proposed yet because of how unsure I am. Yea 7 years will make it hard if it's God's will we don't stay together.

 

[iambren]

If you had both married 7 years ago as nonChristians, THEN you got saved in the last year the Lord would command you to stay married to him. But in this case your relationship became unequally yoked without a vow.

You are in a very tough spot. There's no blame for you didn't lead him on. I feel for you because all of this fell under the lordship of Christ when you became His child. For perspective, in the 1st century a decision for Christ carried with it a feeding to the lions or torture. The loss of a love would not be as bad as that; certainly painful emotionally,yet with hopes for a future man of His choosing. Pray! Listen to what God is whispering you to, what His perfect peace will be. I will pray for you.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I'll bring up the elephant in the room. Are you two having sex yet? If you are then you have become one flesh and are either together or something else. Something else I shudder to mention its so scandalous.

 

[Faithwoman12]

I have fallen to sexual sin but once I became a Christian I became abstinent.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I have fallen to sexual sin but once I became a Christian I became abstinent.

Good for you. That is one area many people fall into.

 

[iambren]

I'll bring up the elephant in the room. Are you two having sex yet? If you are then you have become one flesh and are either together or something else. Something else I shudder to mention its so scandalous.

THIS I do not believe, though it would be a nice solution. The covenant of marriage is not based on sex, rather it's based on your promise (vows).

 

[A New Dawn]

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