Relationship insight needed

[Tango2000]

So back in April I met this guy whom I really like and we hung out for a total of 7 hours one on one the first day we met. He lived about 2 hours away at the time, but was moving to my town for college (same college I go to) Tried texting with him but he's just not the texting type, and would rather speak in person. So, we didn't really talk too much over the summer. But I thought about him all the time.

Anyway, college started 2 weeks ago and it's been interesting. I saw him Saturday 2 weeks ago (19th) and he came over and talked with me for about 5 mins while we caught up a bit. He was his normal sweet, funny, confident self. Then he was like "See ya!" and walked off. The next night they had a ceremony thing. I see him come in, but, he's with a girl I've never seen before. I didn't see her on his social media or anything. He sits next to me with one empty seat in between us (weird), but she was on his other side. Although, about a dozen times he leaned over the empty seat to talk to me. Him and this new girl were whispering and giggling all night. I felt my heart ripping as I was watching them. When it was over I just sat there, I didn't get up. He didn't move either. Once this girl jumped up and started running for the door he immediately ran after her, without even saying bye to me...

I saw saw him briefly in the hallway the next day, he said hey and talked with me for like 2 mins as if nothing was different.

Now, the day after that, I met another guy who asked for my number. He's really sweet, so I was like aight I'll get to know this guy. I really like him, he's just a little quiet which is fine, but I have to work pretty hard to hold a convo with him it almost seems a little forced. I have hung out with him in person 3 times in the past week, and we texted for about 3 hours.

Heres my issue, I still really like guy #1. I don't think it's fair for guy #2 if I'm with him, thinking about guy #1, even though I like him too... I'm just very confused. Insight?

 

[Left]

My advice is to take some time to sort out your thoughts as well as figuring out who the other girl was.

 

[JRichard68]

It might be that hanging out with these guys are your best bet for now. I'm a quiet guy, and it can be frustrating to hold a conversation with me one-on-one (I admit it!). But sometimes it depends on the atmosphere, too. If I'm out for coffee or whatever, then I'm a bit more relaxed and open, and it could be that way with guy #2.

It may not hurt to ask these guys what they want, too. Do they want to be friends, hang out, something more?

In the mean-time, best of luck with school, and I hope that works out for you as well!

 

[yuppers]

A situation like this can be pretty tough. From reading your post it seems like you have quite the crush on guy #1. Sometimes your heart can be very deceiving with feelings. By reading what you said it seems like you have feelings for guy #1 but he seems to not be very interested and potentially is going out with another girl. Things can feel confusing when you have a crush and the guy seems to be so friendly back to you. It can be very easy for your mind to fill in all the blanks and make it seem like he likes you back. Some people just have a friendly personality and it doesn't mean they like you when they're talking to you. I think it's best for you to start sorting through your feelings for guy #1 and think of how you can move on from this crush. I've had a strong crush before and it is tough to move on. It takes time to overcome something like that, it is possible though.

Here's the second part now. So you met another guy. You kind of like guy 2 but still have the crush on guy 1. Like I said in the first part it might be a good idea to move on from guy 1. So for now (in my opinion) guy #2 is your only option for potentially dating someone. This part will be something only you can decide. Now you have to choose if you could see yourself dating guy 2. You have to be willing to accept him the way he is. Maybe give him a little more time to open up to you. He might not give you the "fluttery heart feeling" right from the beginning. Is he someone you could see yourself dating? If you're unsure if you could like guy 2 maybe give it a little more time for things to develope between you two. Here's when you should end things with guy 2. If you really do think only about guy 1 when your with 2 it's best to let guy 2 go. Maybe he likes you back and you would just be playing games with him and stringing him along. You would be pretty selfish to keep guy 2 around without liking him. If you can't see yourself liking or potentially consider dating him at some point keep your distance from guy 2 so he can move on and find someone who genuinely likes him back. And last if you really can't move on from your crush of guy 1 maybe it's best for you to just take some time to yourself to sort through your feelings. The best relationships start when two emotionally healthy people come together. That doesn't mean you're perfect (no one is) but do you feel at a place where you are healthy enough to date?

 

[Tango2000]

A situation like this can be pretty tough. From reading your post it seems like you have quite the crush on guy #1. Sometimes your heart can be very deceiving with feelings. By reading what you said it seems like you have feelings for guy #1 but he seems to not be very interested and potentially is going out with another girl. Things can feel confusing when you have a crush and the guy seems to be so friendly back to you. It can be very easy for your mind to fill in all the blanks and make it seem like he likes you back. Some people just have a friendly personality and it doesn't mean they like you when they're talking to you. I think it's best for you to start sorting through your feelings for guy #1 and think of how you can move on from this crush. I've had a strong crush before and it is tough to move on. It takes time to overcome something like that, it is possible though.

Here's the second part now. So you met another guy. You kind of like guy 2 but still have the crush on guy 1. Like I said in the first part it might be a good idea to move on from guy 1. So for now (in my opinion) guy #2 is your only option for potentially dating someone. This part will be something only you can decide. Now you have to choose if you could see yourself dating guy 2. You have to be willing to accept him the way he is. Maybe give him a little more time to open up to you. He might not give you the "fluttery heart feeling" right from the beginning. Is he someone you could see yourself dating? If you're unsure if you could like guy 2 maybe give it a little more time for things to develope between you two. Here's when you should end things with guy 2. If you really do think only about guy 1 when your with 2 it's best to let guy 2 go. Maybe he likes you back and you would just be playing games with him and stringing him along. You would be pretty selfish to keep guy 2 around without liking him. If you can't see yourself liking or potentially consider dating him at some point keep your distance from guy 2 so he can move on and find someone who genuinely likes him back. And last if you really can't move on from your crush of guy 1 maybe it's best for you to just take some time to yourself to sort through your feelings. The best relationships start when two emotionally healthy people come together. That doesn't mean you're perfect (no one is) but do you feel at a place where you are healthy enough to date?

Thank you for this reply. I think I'm going to take your advice and let go of guy #1 for now because if he were interested in me I think he'd at least try to text me or make some effort to be around me.... As for Guy #2 I'm going to stay open to him, and see what God does with that one. I'll just continue to get to know him and see if he's someone I'd like to be in a relationship with. The only thing that's floating in the back of my head with guy #2 is that (I hate to say it) but he's kinda short... I know that's pretty vain but I'm 5'8, and he's like and inch shorter than me and it just bugs me a bit... He's really attractive but idk. I just need to let go of what I've always said ever since I can remember that I'd never date a short guy. Guy #1 is 6'2. I just need to stop comparing them and let go of guy #1, and get to know guy #2. Height really doesn't matter.

As for if I'm healthy enough to date, I'd say yes. I'm 17, never had a boyfriend or even a casual relationship before. (So basically I don't have any heartbreaks/bad experiences in the past), I'm confident in myself as a person, and have a grounded relationship with God. I'm just new to this whole dating thing and it's got me kind of in a haywire...

 

[1watchman]

Well, Tango, don't read into what happened more than you should. The No.1 guy liked you and probably still does, but that should not mean romance (though you kind of thought that way, it seems). People need to get acquainted for awhile before getting closer. That's normal.

 

[yuppers]

Thank you for this reply. I think I'm going to take your advice and let go of guy #1 for now because if he were interested in me I think he'd at least try to text me or make some effort to be around me.... As for Guy #2 I'm going to stay open to him, and see what God does with that one. I'll just continue to get to know him and see if he's someone I'd like to be in a relationship with. The only thing that's floating in the back of my head with guy #2 is that (I hate to say it) but he's kinda short... I know that's pretty vain but I'm 5'8, and he's like and inch shorter than me and it just bugs me a bit... He's really attractive but idk. I just need to let go of what I've always said ever since I can remember that I'd never date a short guy. Guy #1 is 6'2. I just need to stop comparing them and let go of guy #1, and get to know guy #2. Height really doesn't matter.

As for if I'm healthy enough to date, I'd say yes. I'm 17, never had a boyfriend or even a casual relationship before. (So basically I don't have any heartbreaks/bad experiences in the past), I'm confident in myself as a person, and have a grounded relationship with God. I'm just new to this whole dating thing and it's got me kind of in a haywire...

Yeah it's best not to compare the 2 guys to each other. Everyone is their own unique individual. You have to find the things you like about each person. I would agree that maybe stick with just being friends with guy 2. Take things slow and see how you get along together. Maybe during that time your feeling for guy 2 will grow more. Height is more of a personal preference. I do know of a married couple were the girl is a couple inches taller than her husband. They get along well and are happy. Height is something you have to choose for yourself if it's worth ending the relationship over.

Even as a Christian dating can be very confusing. I'll give the very cleshay advise and say you are still young. I'm not saying you're to young to date, but you still have lots of time left. Take things at a good pace.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Enjoy hanging out and having conversations but don't get overly attached
until you know whether they be believers who are sincere about the faith
and be living godly lives.

 

[turkle]

I think it's best if you slow waaaay down and not over think this. Clearly #1 is interested in this other girl and he was being friendly. It sounds like #2 can also be a friend. Just enjoy the friendship.

Since you are only 17 and just starting college, I think it's best to focus on school and not boys. You will meet lots of people, and you might date some. Enjoy this period of your life, as it will pass by quickly. Learn, make friends, participate in activities and allow relationships to develop naturally. You will be glad you did.