Relationship Advice Needed

[RaVoNRaYnE]

Hello people, I don't really consider myself *new* to the faith, but I've been Christian for a little under a year.. Throughout that year, it's been one crazy rollercoaster ride... There's times I've been happy & times I've been depressed.. It's a direct link to me being in a relationship or me being single. Happy = Relationship, and Depressed = Single.. I understand that I must let God run my life & that I should improve my walk in Christianity first. I actually want to stay single right now, and work on my Christianity, but one major thing is I find myself getting extremely depressed at times. I would start to cry at work, and just feel extremely alone. I know God is always, there, but I guess I just need tips on how I can deal with this situation. I try reading the bible, some verses and it does seem to be a temporary solution.... Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

 

[fieldmouse3]

I've been through the same thing, but not about having a relationship. My stuggles were with loneliness in general. You're definitely on the right track, though; you seem to recognize that it isn't the right time for you to have somebody since there's work to do on your relationship with God. What helped me the most was lots of prayer time. Talk to God about everything you're thinking and feeling; you won't believe how much you learn!

 

[seebs]

Have you considered cultivating friends, not necessarily romantic relationships, especially with other Christians?

 

[amie]

Hi wwjdthug,
It is only natural to want to be with another. Relationships are important to all of us. I know that it is much easier to be happier while we are involved with someone else, but look at this as an opportunity for self realization, a time to spend in prayer, a time to be one with God without the conditions or restraints of another. You must make yourself happy first, before you make someone else happy, you come first right now. Many times people shape their identities by others who are involved in their lives and it is important to feel whole within ourselves before seeking outside companionship. I know that it is a much more secure feeling to be involved with someone else and at times can be very lonely and depressing. I hear ya my friend, I have been there! we all have at one time or another! but if you work on you right now, you will be that much better when someone else does come along. Have you experienced a recent break-up" I am just trying to gain more perspective...I want you to know that I am praying for and with you on this. You can do it! you have the strength within yourself to conquer any obstacles in your life...Praying always with love and blessings...
Amie

 

[wvmtnkid]

Hi wwjdthug!

I can really sympathize with you at the moment! I'll start by saying that being single can have it's advantages. At one time in my life, I had put a stop to dating because I felt the need to work on myself and my relationship with God. I had grown away from God and really felt the desire to put my life back in His hands. And being single really allowed me to do just that. It allowed me to concentrate on God and not on other things that would take me further from Him. In the last two years I have ventured out into the dating world again. And it has been tough! I have this friend that I thought was turning into more than just a friend. I found out that was not what he had in mind. And boy did it hurt! And I have struggled greatly with the whole single issue. But what has helped me is just to draw closer to God. I have certainly cried out in prayer and really tried to be still before Him so that I could hear His answers. I have prayed many of the Psalms. And just generally read the Bible. Each day things get a little easier to bear. I have really made it my goal to just turn this completely over to Him (some days easier than others!). I keep reminding myself that God's plan is going to be so much better than anything I could ever imagine.

I am going to tell you something that a good friend said to me just yesterday that really helped me. God loves you, wwjdthug! He loves you so much that He sent His son for you. He doesn't desire to see you unhappy. He wants to give you the desires of your heart. Sometimes though, you just have to sit back and let Him work!

Hope this helps!

 

[RaVoNRaYnE]

Originally posted by seebs
Have you considered cultivating friends, not necessarily romantic relationships, especially with other Christians?

Well, I'm EXTREMELY shy, and the friends I do have, always hang out in a big group. One of them is my ex actually. I enjoy hanging out with them, but have recently heard that my ex is still in love with me. Unfortunately I only think of her as friends, and was actually scared that she told someone that she has a "covenant" with God that we're getting back together. So, here I am trying to avoid hanging out with these friends because I don't want to lead her on (she thinks I only hang out with them cuz of her) .. And otherwise, I'm too shy and have a difficult time making friends in school or church.....

 

[RaVoNRaYnE]

Originally posted by wvmtnkid
Hi wwjdthug!


Hope this helps!

That definately helps, thanks .. I'm definately not ready for a relationship. I was just in a relationship with a Christian girl since March, and we recently broke up(not even 2 weeks ago) and yesterday found out that she has a new boyfriend, ever since I heard that, it seemed to tear my heart apart; I don't know why though. But I really need to work on myself first, since we were both Christian, but neither of us acted like Christians while we were dating eachother, so that I definately need improvement on.

 

[wvmtnkid]

And maybe that is why you are in the situation you are in now. I don't always understand how God works but I do know that what he does, He does for a purpose. Maybe His plan for you now is to draw you closer to Him and to do that, you need to be single right now. And when the timing is right, you are going to meet the person that is going to knock your socks off! Who knows what blessings are in store for you right around the corner?!? I will be praying that God will complete the good work He has started in you! Hang in there my friend! Heartache only lasts a season, if we let it!

 

[Messenger]

Sorry to hear of your heart break but it will be over soon and brighter days are ahead. Focus on God and perfecting your relationship with Jesus and before you know it you'll find the right girl. Sports, reading, a pet, prayer these are just a few things to help. I think we all have had heart break and that is what makes us stronger and what helps us grow more mature and learn more....it's hard but it is one of the necessary evils to help us learn. Love and God bless you. Glad to see you joined us.

 

[psycmajor]

Amie's right! You must be confident and secure with yourself in order for you to be accepting of the fact that you're single. And, as others have said, get involved with relationships other than romantic ones.

Sigh. If I ever get to be a counselor or psychologist, I'm supposed to let the client come to their own conclusions, not give them the answers. Then again, this is not a session, ha ha. It's a forum! It would take much longer.

 

[RaVoNRaYnE]

I'm working on it.. It really doesn't hit me until I'm home alone or at work, but when I'm around other people, it seems to be ok. Thanks for all the help, advice and prayers...