Relapse

[Loopi]

This last year has been a real mess for me. I moved out of my mum's (she was mentally abusive) and into my dad's to start a new life with my dad, step mum to be and to make something of a life with my boyfriend.

I broke down about october, i was so deeply depressed i could barely motivate myself to get out of bed. I dropped out of college and eventually found myself trying to take my life. My boyfriend rang my therapist and helped me push to get hospitalised. I went into hospital, and eight weeks later came out, feeling able to sit my college exams.

There have been the normal ups and downs, but this last week, my boyfriend finished with me. Depression stripped me of all my people skills and a lot of memories of the last year. Everything is this depressed haze. I made a mistake and told what was apparently the biggest secret he'd ever told me to his brother, without even realising it. Well it got back to him and he finished with me by text.

And now i can see the depression coming back. I'm still hung up on him, and i want him back, but know that i'm powerless to change his decision. I can't motivate myself to eat, i'm struggling to motivate myself to go out, meet friends, do college work. I spend most of my time sleeping because i just feel tired, i guess i'm just trying to hide. This year at college is my A level year, determining whether or not i'll get into the university that i want to. It's a big year and i'm watching the darkness eat me up all over again. I feel so powerless against it. Self harm urges have started in full force again, and i just feel dead inside. The darkness really is returning with all it's force.

I'm not even sure why i'm posting here, I guess i just want to know that i'm not alone, and that relapses do happen. And i want to know how the heck i'm supposed to stop this relapse before it takes me and i end up back on the edge again.

 

[dbot]

I've been kind of relapsing myself these days. I've just felt kinda lonely, cause most of my friends left my college, and I really only have two or three now. My roommate is one of them, but hes always off with his girlfriend. My other friend rarely answers her phone, and I was supposed to go see a movie with her, but she had to cancel. She's also probably not coming over tonite either. And I've always taken things personally ever since I was a little kid, so its no surprise that this is all wearing heavily on me. Even though I know its not personal, its still rejecting and isolating. Plus, my roommate was supposed to play rainbow six with me, but he forgot I guess and is playing madden. Dont feel alone in your relapse, friend.

As for how to stop a relapse, I wish I had a better answer. In my darkest hours, I would break down into prayer. But when things are more "bearable", I seem to just drudge through it, hoping for better days. I really wish I had better advice, my friend, but unfortunately all I can offer you is the promise that you are in fact not alone in this.

 

[GrannieAnnie]

The more you fight it, the more you'll worry and the worse it will get. What you need to do is see your doctor IMMEDIATELY....tell him/her what's happening. Relapses happen..it's part of the illness. At the end of the "black hole" it's not more blackness....it's JESUS....I learned that during my many dark periods. I'm at the beginning of another relapse at the moment....but have been referred back to my mental health support group....I don't want to go...I feel stupid....I feel as if I should be able to cope, but experience has told me I have to get help NOW....and so should you.....

God bless.... Annie

 

[Lisa0315]

This last year has been a real mess for me. I moved out of my mum's (she was mentally abusive) and into my dad's to start a new life with my dad, step mum to be and to make something of a life with my boyfriend.

I broke down about october, i was so deeply depressed i could barely motivate myself to get out of bed. I dropped out of college and eventually found myself trying to take my life. My boyfriend rang my therapist and helped me push to get hospitalised. I went into hospital, and eight weeks later came out, feeling able to sit my college exams.

There have been the normal ups and downs, but this last week, my boyfriend finished with me. Depression stripped me of all my people skills and a lot of memories of the last year. Everything is this depressed haze. I made a mistake and told what was apparently the biggest secret he'd ever told me to his brother, without even realising it. Well it got back to him and he finished with me by text.

And now i can see the depression coming back. I'm still hung up on him, and i want him back, but know that i'm powerless to change his decision. I can't motivate myself to eat, i'm struggling to motivate myself to go out, meet friends, do college work. I spend most of my time sleeping because i just feel tired, i guess i'm just trying to hide. This year at college is my A level year, determining whether or not i'll get into the university that i want to. It's a big year and i'm watching the darkness eat me up all over again. I feel so powerless against it. Self harm urges have started in full force again, and i just feel dead inside. The darkness really is returning with all it's force.

I'm not even sure why i'm posting here, I guess i just want to know that i'm not alone, and that relapses do happen. And i want to know how the heck i'm supposed to stop this relapse before it takes me and i end up back on the edge again.

I wish I could offer you advice or solutions to your problems. I can't though. I will be praying for you and know that there are many here who care about you. Please do not harm yourself. God created you with a purpose in mind. You may not know yet what that purpose is, but there is one. Please know that God loves you so much that He counts every tear you shed. He looks upon you daily with love. I can prove both of those with Scripture.

Lisa