Relapse **May trigger**

[Silver-winged Flyer]

I used to cut myself for a while a few years ago but the one time I cut myself badly and I scared myself into stopping.
I've only lately started wanting to do it again and I had told a few people - my psychologist, psychiatrist, my pastor and a good friend who I asked to hold me accountable so I wouldn't do it again. I've really wanted to cut myself a couple of times lately but I haven't.

I was away this weekend with my Church and my pastor, psychologist and good friend were there. Even though I knew I had those people who I could talk to, I still cut myself after all this time. I've let down my good friend and a teenager who I am discipling. My psychiatrist had even given me medicine to take if I got really upset and wanted to self-harm but I didn't take it, I didn't want any help.

While I was doing it, I knew that I wasn't hurting myself as badly as I wanted to and every time I did it, I'd have to do it worse and I didn't know how far it would go so I realised that I couldn't do it again.
I gave my pastor the thing I was using and I told my good friend.

I feel like I failed and I've let down all those people.

 

[Criada]

Something my therapist said to me when I was feeling that way has helped.
People who are giving up smoking often relapse a few times, and have a cigarette. It doesn't mean that they are smokers again, it's just a bump in the road to giving up.
Cutting is the same. It's a coping mechanism... not a good one, but better than not coping. And giving in once doesn't mean you will carry on. It is past, and you can't change the past, but you can hold on, and get through today. And today is all you really ever have.
Praying for you, sweetie. Keep going.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Thanks Criada!
I've decided to celebrate every day that I don't self-harm even if I don't have the urge to do it every day. Its been 2 days so far!

 

[mizzchez]

*hugs*
As the above poster said, it's just a small relapse, a small bump in the road to complete recovery. It doesn't mean you've failed, and I'm sure you haven't let anyone down, everyone has bad moments sometimes.

Congrats for going so long as you did! That's honestly amazing strength, the most I've gone is 3 months, so it's truly amazing!

That was strong of you to give that to your pastor, it shows that you truly want to recover and get better, and I know it takes a lot more strength to give it away that it seems.

I hope you're feeling better soon, and I'm here should you need to PM me anytime

Cheryl.x

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Thanks Mr Cheese and Mizzchez for your encouragement.
I'm celebrating four days of not cutting!

Even getting hurt accidentally and not doing something about it is a temptation too. I got a bit of hot water on my finger and I had to make a point of putting it under cold water even though I wouldn't have got a blister or anything if I hadn't, but the thought pattern is still there.

 

[Mayflower1]

Hi Silver! I wanted to encourage you not to give up the fight. It is like having a white dog and a black dog inside of us. The one you feed the most is the one that is going to be better fighting.

Cutting urges are hard, but are possible through Christ to overcome, because the Bible says all things are possible with God, and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. It isn't an easy fight, but with every victory, we draw closer to God. I'd say the only good things about self-injury is God can turn it around for the good if we allow Him (to a testimony for others), and we are stronger people when we overcome it.

This is your testimony Silver. yes, I let a lot of people down, when I would relapse time after time again, but the important part is to get back up and fight it. the biggest advice I can give, is to get around other people when you are having the urges, and don't go by yourself, even to the restroom. I know sometimes, you can't talk about it, but just staying around someone while you are feeling that way really helps. I had to always be by myself.

Four days is so great!

 

[jcsetmefree]

sorry.. I had another post here but realized I meant to make a new thread and didn't.